Page 54 of One Shot

Jaylin comes back from the kitchen and hands me a shot glass filled to the brim. It smells like Cinco De Mayo. I didn’t even notice her leave the room. Clearly, I am overthinking and way in over my head.

“You are beautiful, and he will love you. If it doesn’t go well, then only Tyler has to see him again!” Jaylin jokes. She hands Bren a shot too.

“To you, Laur, to ease the insane anxiety radiating off you right now and to a great night.”

Bren holds up her shot glass. Jaylin puts hers to Bren’s waiting for me to join. I sigh and cheers them, downing the ice-cold tequila. I’m going to need at least five more of those to feel comfortable going on this date. No one truly understands how difficult it is for me, which is my fault. I haven’t told anyone the full story of why I am so adamant about never dating anyone again—except Nick. He knew some parts of the story.

Maybe, if I tell someone else, I won’t feel trapped in my own skin any time I’m interested in someone. Maybe it would help me not push away a good thing, like Lucas. I guess it’s time for me to find out if I’m truly interested in him or if it’s just because he’s always around. I feel a pang of shame goes through me for going on a date when Lucas seems to be in my head all the time. I shouldn’t have even told him about this date.

I park my car and look at my phone. Brian sent a selfie and a text letting me know he’s waiting outside for me. The selfie is a cute touch. I immediately spot him when I walk up to the restaurant. He’s even more attractive in person. He has a blue button-down shirt on,which makes his baby blues pop. He’s clean cut and seemingly put together—far from any hockey guy I know.

“Hi, Brian, I’m Laur. Nice to meet you!” I try to seem cheerful walking up to him and not still in my head about the date. He pulls me in for a hug.

“Nice to meet you, Laur. Tyler did not do you justice. You are beautiful. Shall we?”

He holds open the door for me. He seems very sweet and kind already. He talks to the hostess, who leads us over to our table. Brian seems very polite and poised as he thanks the hostess.

The conversation moves to our majors, and he asks what brought me to the West. I hesitate. I haven’t met a ton of people outside our PR and marketing team, and the hockey team. Because of that, I haven’t had to tell my story about Nick, the accident, and how I ended up coming to West. He senses my hesitation.

“It’s a long story . . .” I start, “I . . . it’s hard to talk about, but my brother went here before he . . .passed away. I wanted to come for the marketing and PR opportunity with the Wyverns. He actually applied for me before he passed. I found out I was accepted, so here I am.”

I take a big sip of the wine he ordered.

“I’m sorry for your loss. We don’t have to talk about it. Thanks for sharing with me.”

He reaches across the table to take my hand in his. Most girls would be swooning at the gesture—he’s such a gentleman—but it just causes the knots in my stomach to tighten.

He steers the conversation to talking about future careers, asking me how the program is going so far and telling me why he decided to go pre-med. He’s incredibly kindhearted and easy to talk to. We even have a lot in common. He explains pre-med because his mom is a nurse and his dad a neurosurgeon. His sister wanted to go into psychology, which he mentions might have disappointed his parents a little bit even though it’s still “brain related.” Like me, he seems to be influenced by his family and very close with them too.

Brian is walking me to my car. I somehow made it through the entire thing without bolting. It helps that he’s genuine and loves his family. But I know there’s only a small spark between us. Guilt washes over me. Am I a bad person? I need to let him know right away so I don’t lead him on.

As we stop at my car, Brian leans in to kiss me. Panicking, both fists shove blindly at his chest and with a thud, he hits the sedan next to mine.

“I’m so incredibly sorry!” Hot tears prickle my eyes. My relationship trauma is getting the best of me. I’m not sure I’m ready for someone new, but I know if I am, it can’t be with Brian.

“It’s okay,” he says politely. He seems unfazed that not only did I reject him, but I physically pushed him away.

“I’m really sorry, Brian. You are the nicest guy . . .” I start.

Brian sighs, “But there’s someone else?”

“No, that’s not it,” I reply instantly, which is a slight lie. “Well, I guess I’m not sure. This is the first time I’ve admitted it, but I have a lot of trauma from a bad three-year relationship. I haven’t wanted to date anyone since. I actually swore off dating, but Tyler convinced me to meet you. You are damn near perfect. But yes, you’re right. There is someone I can’t get out of my head, even if I’m not sure I’m ready for anything real again.”

“I get it,” Brian sorrowfully says. “I hope it works out for you. If not, you have my number.” He kisses my cheek and walks away, leaving a lingering sadness behind. As nice as Brian is, relationships are never that simple.

I could be fine getting to know him, but in the end, I know he isn’t truly what I want. I would be content; I wouldn’t be happy. I need more than a small spark. I need an ever-burning flame. In a different life, he could have been perfect for me. But in this life, if I am going to go against my no dating rule, I need something that could turn into intense desire and a heart-wrenching love that’s terrifying. That’s the only way it could be worth it. I need it to be Lucas.

Before I fall asleep, I send a text to Tyler to come over around 7:30 tomorrow morning. I want to talk to him, Bren, and Jaylin at the same time. They are all going to ask about the date, and I don’t want to relive the same embarrassing story three different times.

I wake up at 6am to go for a run to clear my mind. I search for Nick’s notebook and realize that Lucas still has it. Great. I guess I’ll just run a path I already know instead of a new one. I text Bren that Tyler is coming over for breakfast and I’ll be back in an hour. I’m out the door, headphones in my ears, with music on full blast. Today would be a great day to hit that runner’s high and forget about the world. I hit mile seven, my legs already feeling like Jello. I push myself to keep going, getting lost in my workout playlist.

The playlist ends. I look down at my fitness watch, and it shows mile twelve. How is that possible? I must have finally hit that runner’s high and just kept going. My mind feels clear, and my heart feels ready. It’s almost 8am, Tyler’s probably at the house already. I have two missed calls and ten texts. I quickly type a text to Bren that I’m on my way back home.

“Thank God,” Bren exclaims as I walk through the front door.

“We were worried about you, Laur, you told me to be here almost an hour ago! You weren’t answering your phone,” Tyler says in a panicked voice. Worry lines wrinkle his forehead. His hair is a mess from excessively running his hands through it.

“I’m so sorry! I should have called,” I reply, still panting from my run. “I was just getting in the zone running. I finally reached my runner’s high!”

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