Page 56 of One Shot

“‘You spend so much time with your brother and his friends. They all want you, and you make it easy for them to.’ He would just saythe most absurd shit to me. Sometimes hammered, sometimes sober. I think he was jealous of Nick. I don’t know if he was jealous of my relationship with him, but he was definitely jealous of Nick Bellinger, the star player.”

Taking a long drink of coffee, I try to ease the tightness in my throat. It doesn’t help one bit.

“When Nick started playing for West, Nathan was more emotionally abusive than ever. But when Nathan started playing for East, that’s when the physical abuse started. He would probably strangle me if he knew I told you, but he wanted to play here. West didn’t give him any opportunities to even come visit. I don’t know if Nick said something to the coaches about him or not, but I do know he wasn’t the most skilled player either.”

I tug at the collar of my shirt, sweating from the agony of nightmarish memories.

“I won’t go into too much detail . . .” My voice gets strangled almost as if Nathan is there silencing me, “it’s . . . hard for me to talk about.”

“Understandable,” Tyler mutters. He takes my hand in his, trying to console me.

“The first time he laid his hands on me was after his first college game. They lost. I don’t even remember who they played against, I just know they didn’t play West. He had probably about five minutes of ice time, which for a subpar freshman player, that’s pretty great. I was staying over at his apartment that night, and he came back hammered. I didn’t even know he was going somewhere after the game. I had never seen him that plastered before.”

My voice is shaky and barely audible as the dark memories swirl in my head.

“I was on the couch, and all of a sudden, I was being screamed at. He said something about how I barely paid attention at the game, if Nick was playing, I would have paid more attention, and if he was Nick, he would have been on the ice the whole time. As soon as I started to respond back, he dragged me across the floor, and I—” I tryto swallow the lump in my throat and tears pour out of my eyes like a hurricane downpour hitting land.

“I woke up with bruises all down my left leg from his fist.”

I’m bawling and shaking with each sob.

“Don’t say anything, I told you not to interrupt.” I clap sternly at Bren, locking eyes with her until she looks uncomfortable. She nods, and I see tears streaking her mascara. Jaylin grabs for Bren’s comforting hand to hold as she starts sobbing too. Tyler’s eyes are gleaming with tears, but none have escaped yet.

“There were a few more incidents over time. But the worst was the day of the accident. I made the mistake of sleeping at his apartment. I think he woke up drunk. He asked me if I was going to sit with his parents and wear his jersey to the game. Before I could even answer, his jaw tensed. He screamed at me to get out of his apartment. I tried to reason with him, and he pushed me. Hard. The mirror on the dresser shattered. I think my shoulder hit the dresser. I left immediately to meet you for breakfast, Bren.

“After breakfast, I showered at Bren’s and got ready for the game. I had one of Nick’s Wyverns jerseys to put on. My body hurt so badly. I could barely lift my left arm to put the jersey on. I figured if I was still in pain later, I would go to the ER after the game. I avoided Nathan like he was patient zero. I ignored his texts and calls. I googled what a broken collarbone feels like.

“I went straight to find Nick after the game. Nathan tried to grab my arm, and I screamed in pain. Nick saw it. I knew I would have to tell him something. I could see fear in Nathan’s eyes, but at that moment, I didn’t care about him or my relationship at all. I just wanted to escape. So, I eagerly went with Nick to celebrate the win with the Wyverns, instead of consoling my boyfriend.”

My body trembles as I finish airing out all my trauma. The countertop fills my vision, looking up I finally meet the gazes I’ve been avoiding. Three grief-stricken faces meet me. The tears Tyler held at bay finally break free from the dam.

“When Nick and I,” my words are stilted, and I try to start again.

“When we got in the accident, we were arguing. I told him about Nathan’s recent abuse. It’s my fault.”

My voice cracks with heartache.

“Yes, the other driver was drunk, but if I waited to tell Nick until we got out of the car or if I didn’t tell him at all, he wouldn’t have taken his eyes off the road trying to comfort me. He would have been paying more attention. He would be alive. It’s hard with my brother gone, but knowing it’s my fault—it’s why I stopped trying to live my life.

Sobbing so hard my entire body shakes, I bury my face in my unsteady hands.

“It’s why I never left the house, why I didn’t even apply to come to work with the Wyverns. I don’t deserve to be happy when it’s my fault Nick isn’t here.”

“Lauren Chip Bellinger, that is just not true.” Bren rushes to pull me into a hug, followed by Tyler and Jaylin.

“It is true. If I didn’t distract him—”

Jaylin cuts me off, “Stop that right now, Lauren. You don’t know what would have or could have happened. The other driver was drunk and probably swerving all over the place. Nothing is your fault. You shouldn’t regret telling Nick. You needed to tell someone. You should have told the police or someone else sooner.”

“Laur”—Tyler pulls me close to his chest—“I wish you would have told us sooner so we could have helped you. You deserve to be happy and not feel guilty or live with this pain. Not only about the accident but about that dickhead, Nathan.”

“You can’t say anything to anyone, not about the accident and not about Nathan. I don’t want anyone to judge me.”

I’m not sure anyone can understand me through my quivering wails.

“Lauren, no one will ever blame you for the accident. It is not your fault,” Bren replies, rubbing my back while Tyler still holds me. “And no one will judge you for Nathan, Lauren. That’s ridiculous. He is an awful guy and an awful human.”

“But it’s my fault, if I supported him more and supported Nick and the Wyverns less . . .”

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