Page 61 of One Shot

“Lauren . . . Laur, you are incredibly talented like I said. You are a big part of Nick’s story. You deserve to decide how the world hears it.” Suz squeezes me into another hug.

“Thank you,” I whisper again with tears in my eyes. Suz sniffles, tears brimming her eyes too.

“Oh no, you got Suz crying? Did you break her?” Bren jokes from down the hallway. I sense she’s been there for at least a minute by the way she’s trying to lighten the mood.

“Shut up, Brenna. I may seem like I have a rough exterior, but you know I’m a big softie.” Suz lobs a pillow from the couch at her.

“Don’t tell anyone, Laur. Her reputation will be ruined!” Bren chucks the pillow back in our direction, causing a fit of giggles to escape Suz.

“Thank you for telling me all about the article opportunity in person, but don’t think I didn’t notice you starting to open up. Truthfully. . . I’m a little terrified of you—well maybe less now that you willingly hugged me,” I try to joke to keep the mood light.

“I . . . well . . .” Suz starts, fidgeting with her platinum blonde hair as her wide eyes look to Bren for reassurance before continuing.

“Not a lot of people know this, but I’m gay. I don’t like to tell people. Actually, I hate telling people. People used to crack jokes when I was younger about me being a lesbian and playing hockey.” Clearing her throat, Suz chokes back tears but remains composed.

“I felt very out of place and judged growing up in a small town, playing what everyone considered to be a ‘boy’s’ sport. It’s one of the reasons I stopped playing. But my parents also thankfully moved me after middle school to Michigan. I really didn’t miss playing hockey; I was terrible actually.” She laughs, but unshed tears glisten in her eyes.

“But I did miss the game . . .” Suz’ eyes glaze over as if recalling a memory.

“I decided I still wanted to do something with hockey. I got involved in the school paper to write about sports. No one really knew at my high school that I liked girls. Because of my experience when I wasyounger, I didn’t share it with more than a handful of close friends, which even then was nerve-racking.” Suz sniffles before taking another sip of now lukewarm coffee.

“People just assumed I was dating a hockey player. They do the same thing now. They think I’m dating someone on the team or sleeping with multiple of them.” Suz curls her lip in disgust. “Ew! No thank you!”

Everything starts to click into place. This is what Lucas meant when he said that he wasn’t Suz’ type. I had no idea she played hockey. There’s so much I don’t know about her; I feel guilty for judging her too quickly. Empathy swells in my chest, tempting me to wrap Suz in a comforting embrace. I can’t imagine how she felt growing up not feeling like she could be her true self.

“I’m so sorry that people were so cruel. You don’t deserve that. You are one of the most brilliant and confident people I know.” Her confidence and poised demeanor have been two things I’ve admired about Suz from the instant I met her.

“Confidence can be faked,” she whispers.

“Regardless, who you are romantically interested in doesn’t change who you are as a person. I won’t tell anyone, but I am glad we are finally starting to get to know each other.”

“Me too.” Bren pops into the conversation with a beaming smile, watching Suz and I get to know each other.

“It’s not a massive secret. People are so much more accepting nowadays. I just don’t feel the need to openly share that I date girls. I’m actually a rather private person,” Suz adds quietly.

We might have had different experiences, but hearing Suz overcome how people have treated her in the past encourages me to push myself to overcome my past too. This newfound hope fills me and creates a bond between us. A bond that I know will flourish into a close friendship.

“So now, tell me about Lucas.” A giggle escapes Suz but is quickly followed by her signature eyeroll. “Because that boy is one of my closest friends, and he is smitten.”

“I’m interested. I just . . . don’t want to be. That sounds mean.” I’m fumbling for words now. “It’s not that I don’t think he’s perfect. He is. There’s something about him that I am just drawn to. I just am not sure if I am ready to have a relationship again. I was set on being on my own for the rest of my life.”

“For the rest of your life? Is this the whole swearing off dating and love bullshit? I get it; I was afraid to be accepted and loved too. But being content with being alone forever . . . that’s just illogical, Laur.” Suz’ tone is purely fun and jokes as she lobs a pillow at me. The pillow hits me and tears swell. They pour out of my eyes and flood down the sides of my face. I knew I would break down sooner or later.

“Did I throw it hard,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry. I—”

“No, no,” I manage through sobs. “You wouldn’t know. I just . . .” I can’t handle sharing it. I’m too emotional with the article about Nick and recently sharing Nathan’s abuse with Bren, Tyler, and Jaylin.

“Bren. Can. You.” I hope Bren can understand me through my tears. Bren asks if I’m sure and as soon as I nod tells Suz that I won’t be going to any games against East Michigan. She shares a very brief version of what I disclosed the other day. Horror, sorrow, and rage all show on Suz’ face.

“Lucas will kill that guy if I don’t first,” Suz mumbles once Bren is finished telling her about my past relationship “I don’t have words to say how sorry I am for you going through that experience. I won’t tell a soul. Not even Lucas, I promise.”

Suz takes my hand in hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“There would never be any expectation for you to come to the games against East, even if you didn’t share with us. All you’d ever have to say is you felt uncomfortable.” She gives my hand another consoling squeeze.

“Thank you so much for understanding. Suz, you sharing your story, getting through your past, gives me faith I can get through mine,” I admit as tears run down my cheeks.

Suz still hasn’t let go of my hand. She gives it another squeeze of sympathy, love, and maybe hope too.

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