A broken mug on the kitchen tile. A cold half-eaten bagel beside it.
I stand in the center of the room.
This is what she’ll come home to. The aftermath of trying to end her life.
“She can’t come back to this,” I whisper.
Take off my jean jacket, lay it over the back of a chair and call the locksmith. The same one I used the other day and he’s on his way.
I’ll stay and clean while I wait for him.
In the bathroom, I kneel and pull the stopper. The water drains slowly, glugging down the pipes.
In the kitchen, I wrap the broken mug in a towel and toss it. The bagel too. I wipe the counter—not because it’s dirty, but because I need something to do.
In the living room, I straighten the chair. Pick up a fallen cardigan. Align the coffee table.
“She deserves better than this.”
I barely hear my own voice but it feels true because this isn’t just a scene.
It’s her home.
And when she comes back it can’t look like where she almost died. It has to look like where she gets to live.
I don’t realize I’m still trembling until I reach the car.
The street is calm. Same cracked sidewalk. Same flickering streetlamp.
But the air feels different. Like it’s holding its breath.
I toss my jean jacket in the trunk, not caring where it lands.
It’s humid—sticky in that New York way that makes seven p.m. feel like dirty dishwater.
I grab my tote. Still half full of stakeout snacks and guilt.
My fingers brush something cold.
The knife.
That eight-inch chef’s knife my mother slipped into my bag like it was trail mix.
Of course it’s still here.
Of course I forgot.
I shake my head, wrapping my fingers around the handle, intending to put it in the glove box before some random passerby calls in a report of a blonde wielding cutlery in activewear.
But then I hear it.
A metallic clatter. Sharp. Muffled.
Not trash. Not traffic.
Steel on steel.
It came from the alley.