Page 286 of Kentrell

She pressed her lips together, shaking her head, almost like she was scolding herself for even starting this.

“Ma… don’t do that.” My tone came out sharper than I intended. “Whatever it is… just say it.”

Her eyes glossed over, and I could see the guilt crawling up her throat, tightening her whole face.

“The gun, baby…” She swallowed hard. “It… it hang-fired.”

I froze.

“What?”

Her voice trembled. “The bullet… it didn’t leave the chamber when you pulled that trigger.”

My stomach twisted like somebody reached inside and yanked it sideways.

I stared at her, hard.

“You lying.”

She shook her head, slow. “No… I’m not. I wasn’t gon’ tell you… I couldn’t. But now… with all this coming back up… with Pokie… with Zoe… with you spiraling like this… you need to know.”

The room felt smaller suddenly. Like the walls moved in on me all at once.

The night flashed back without me asking for it…

Me… standing over my daddy… shaking… holding the gun… the click… the pause… the way the gun felt heavier after…

I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing deep through my nose, trying not to slam my fists into the table right then and there.

All these years…

All this guilt…

And the bullet never left the fucking gun.

It was one of them hot-ass late summer days where the air felt like syrup, sticking to your skin soon as you stepped outside. I was posted up on the stoop at the house on Calumet, legs stretched out, watching the block.

Wani was out front acting a damn fool like always. He was twelve but swore he was grown. Him, Kensei, the twins—Wave and Oshon—and Lex, plus a few more knuckleheads from up the street… all running around, talking slick, pushing each other like they had nothing but time and energy to burn.

Me? I was too old for that shit now. Fourteen. Already bought my first gun two weeks ago. That .380 was tucked right in the waistband of my jeans under my shirt, heavy and new, making me sit up straighter like I was somebody.

The twins were chasing Kensei with a water gun that barely worked, laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. Lex was laid out in the grass like he was dead from heat stroke, but I knew he was faking.

Then I saw them.

Her.

Light-skinned, mad as hell, coming up the sidewalk with all that attitude in her hips. Uncle Yam trailing behind her, looking like he already knew she was about to make a scene.

The whole block watched her before she hit the stairs.

Mannish as hell, Wani was the first to start. “Daaamn, she thick as hell!” he hollered, cupping his hands around his mouth.

The twins followed right behind him with their own whistles and hollers.

“Look at that lil’ switch when she walk… she know what she doin’,” Lex added, grinning like the devil.

She rolled her eyes, sucking her teeth, not breaking stride.

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