Page 156 of Carnal Games

“I…” I glance away. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be fine.”

“It matters to me.” He brings my face back to his. “You can’t keep it inside.”

“You won’t get it. I’ve embarrassed myself enough.”

Capturing my chin so I can’t look away, he demands, “Am I laughing at you?”

“No.”

“Then try me.”

He makes it sound so easy-peasy.

Seeing his patient and caring expression, unlike the frost he chilled me with the entire morning, I admit in a low voice, “The monthly meeting. I became nervous. I don’t know how to conduct one. The technical jargon in the presentation is new to me. It came up at the last minute and I got overwhelmed. I get stage fright, Kian.”

I hide the part about Arjun not helping me and yelling at me instead, treating me like a dumb and annoying child. He viciously and unknowingly pressed on my weakest nerve that hurt the most.

I wait for the ridicule to come from Kian, but all I see is his compassion and understanding. “You didn’t have ample time to prepare, hence the panic.”

It’s unsurprising that he correctly guesses.

I nod, murmuring, “I’m sorry for disappointing you.”

“You could never disappoint me,” he says without missing a beat. “I shouldn’t have sprung this on you at the last minute. You’re new and you’re learning the ropes.”

“It’s not that I can’t handle it. I had some doubts I wanted cleared up, so I didn’t look like a fool in the meeting. I wanted to be able to answer them if they had any questions.” A part of me wanted to impress him too.

Stroking my jawline with his thumb, he questions, “Why didn’t you tell me all this when I stopped by your desk?”

“Because you’re the epitome of perfection.” I sigh, brushing my fingers down the row of buttons on his shirt. “This would never happen to you.”

“You’re wrong.”

I tilt my head. “What?”

“What you experienced, it happens to the best of us, Iris. It’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.”

“You’ve had a panic attack?” I repeat in disbelief.

“Twice.” Resting his hips against the edge of the counter, he pulls me between his spread legs and loosely keeps his arms around my waist. “When I was younger and just starting my company, I put every single penny I had into the capital, but it wasn’t enough. I reached out to investors, and everyone kept shutting their doors in my face because my own father was actively bad-mouthing me and ruining my reputation before Icould build one. It left me overwhelmed, upset, and angry. It gave me anxiety and made me doubt my worth.”

A wave of protectiveness surges inside me. I’m a bag of emotions, listening about his past. Shocked and heartbroken. Most of all, livid at his shitty and cruel father. The more I learn about Rakesh Singhania, the deeper my hatred for him grows.

“Who took care of you, Kian?” The way he took care of me minutes ago.

“No one. I had to learn to manage myself.”

My Kian had no one.The truth leaves me shaken. While agony rips up my insides, as though someone has grabbed a saw and is carving them into pieces.

“My training in the army helped,” he shares. His voice is gravelly, holding sadness as he utters, “I have bad days just like anybody else. You’re not alone. Despite what the world says, I’m human too.”

I fist his shirt, pressing closer. “I know you are.”

“You’re the only one who does.” Shifting his palm to the back of my neck, he cups it possessively, “Nobody’s perfect, Iris. Whoever’s at the top and said they’ve never doubted themselves and had moments like this is lying. None of us is born with confidence. It takes crossing hurdles, facing failures, and believing in yourself to gain it. It’s okay to have bad days, as long as you’re trying harder the next day.”

His words sink deep into my bones, erasing any lingering unease. Knowing you’re not alone in an inner and constant battle that nobody sees until someone comes along and takes your hand is the most wonderful and healing feeling.

Kian is slowly becoming my safe haven. I crave to be the same for him.

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