Page 185 of Carnal Games

The weight… the burden of carrying it for so long has been lifted. It feels like I’m flying high in the sky. And I never wish to come back down.

“Iris,” Kian grits out, his patience running thin. “Do not make me repeat myself.”

“You were right.” He blinks. A flash of utter satisfaction crosses his face shrouded in darkness. “I’m with Nathan for a reason.”

“What reason?”

“He and I aren’t in a relationship. Never have been.” Kian doesn’t move a muscle. I wrap my arms around myself and spill the entire truth, “We’ve been pretending from the beginning. Our engagement is of mutual convenience. I’m only his on paper, Kian.”

The silence stretches like a band.

Each second that he stands rigid without betraying his emotion, the higher my anxiety rockets. I’ll be devastated if he doesn’t believe me.

“Please say something,” I whisper.

“Why?”

“I can’t tell you his reason, but I said yes to marrying him to fulfil mydadu’slast dying wish, which is to see me settle down.”

“It explains the engagement, but not why you faked being his girlfriend for three years.” Kian raises a brow. “That’s one hell of a commitment to make for a girl who dreams of falling in love. Why would you tie yourself to a man who’d never be more and stand in the way of you finding the one unless you secretly wanted him?”

“I don’t have or ever had a crush on him.”

“You said you love him.”

“The same way I love Bianca and Rosalie,” I utter. “Nathan is one of my closest friends. Nothing more. I swear.”

“Even if I believe you, how long are you both planning to keep this charade?”

I open my mouth and close it, without an answer.

Kian becomes angry and scrubs a hand along his jaw. “You made a deal without an end date, didn’t you?”

I glance away, mortified. Of all the things running through my mind, I confess the most real thing. “I never thought you’d want me.”

The thought of an end date never even crossed my psyche. How do I tell him that he is my dream man? Or that he is the one I love?

If I couldn’t be his, I didn’t want to be anyone else’s.

A sob climbs up my throat as I count every bad decision I made in the past three years. Pushing it down, I apologetically mumble, “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have told you.”

I turn around to leave.

I don’t even take a step before calloused fingers seize my elbow and whirl me around. I slam into Kian’s solid chest as he yanks my head back with a fistful of my hair. “The mistake is you not telling me sooner. You didn’t just rip my heart out today, but every time I told you I wanted you to be mine and you never said a word. It felt like I was in purgatory the entire day knowing you were with him instead of being by my side, where you fucking belong.”

“Do you think it was easy for me?” I yell, three years of pining and frustration pouring out. “Pretending I didn’t crave you in every breath I took? Do you believe I enjoyed keeping you at arm’s length? That I never wanted to tell you the truth every time you touched me and pulled away? Do you think none of it hurt me? I lie awake at night thinking of a way out of my engagement with Nathan without hurting him. I ached to get into the elevator with you, but you wouldn’t even look at me.” Shoving at his chest with all my might, I accuse brokenly, “You believed what you saw, just like everybody else. You didn’t even give me a chance to explain. I broke down every time you didn’t text back, leaving me to wonder if I lost you. For the first time, I loathed Nathan’s touch and you have the nerve to think I slept with him. Why can’tyousee thatIhave only ever beenyours?”

“Rainbow…”

“Don’t you dare!” I punch his chest with my fist. Tears blurring my vision, I cry out, “God! I hate how much I need you,crave you… I’m so mad at you. Go ahead, shut me out. Go back to being Mr. Sing—”

His mouth covers mine, stealing my words. My oxygen. My fury. My pain.

Snatching my flying fists away from his torso, he devours my lips. The ground beneath me tilts and I crash against him. Prying my lips apart with a demanding lick against the seam, he thrusts his tongue inside. Not missing a beat, he curls it around my mine and sucks hard, wrenching a moan from my lungs.

It’s not a kiss.

It’s a full-blown attack.

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