Page 15 of Full Throttled

I sigh because my stomach is jumbled with tacos and butterflies and the way Drake’s blue eyes feel like they’re peeling back every defense and act that I put on to keep people away. He used to do this back in the day, but it never felt like this or maybe I just didn’t understand what that stare meant. I didn’t know how hard life could be without him. “Well, I should let you get back to work.”

“Okay,” he says, and I step around him and start to head for my car when I realize that I left my purse in his truck.

“Drake!” I call out to his retreating back. He stops and turns around. “I left my purse in your truck.”

“Oh, you might want that.” He grabs his keys from his pocket and unlocks the truck.

I jog over and grab it from the passenger side. The picture on the sun visor catching my eye once more. I hold up the purse to let him know that I got it. “Wouldn’t want to get you into trouble with the misses.” I laugh, but a strange look crosses Drake’s face.

“Don’t need to worry about that,” he huffs out.

My tongue is burning with a thousand questions, but two are in the forefront of my mind, but I ask the one that seems the least heavy. “Did your parents have another little girl?” Drake visibly tenses and I’m not sure why. I point back to the truck. “I noticed the picture of Dawsyn and that little girl and just assumed that they had another one.”

“No, they didn’t. I need to get back. Have a good day,” he tells me, before turning around and stalking away. I watch until I lose sight of him in the midst of workers, dust and machines. Confused doesn’t even begin to cover how I’m feeling right now. Drake’s answer was so vague when I asked about the picture, but why did he tense up? I mean, what’s the big secret?I roll my eyes and shake my head before climbing back into my car and heading back to the clubhouse.

The whole drive back I keep picturing the little girl in the picture with bright blue eyes and head full of dark brown ringlets and Drake’s strange reaction to her. Drake is so secretive now or maybe he isn’t. Maybe, I’m just used to how he used to be, when I was his best friend. When he told me everything first.When I mattered in his life. I lost that position in his life the moment that I left. Actually, I think even then I still had a spot in his life. It was when I changed my number and completely abandoned my life here that I lost him. As I pull back up to the clubhouse, my memories float back through again, every single one of them tied to Drake.

Junior prom was supposed to be a big deal. It would have been a big deal, but of course my dad didn’t give two shits if I went or not. As a matter of fact, he made it his mission to make sure he ruined it for me because I was excited about going. Liam Fields had asked me toattend prom with himand I was beyond excited. I had money saved to get myself a dress, but of course, I was almost a hundred dollars short to get the dress I wanted so badly. It was a princess dress and nothing like what people expected of me. I was the original Sinner Girl, so I should dress in something tight, short and that showed off every part of my body but I didn’t want that.

I take a deep breath before going downstairs and finding my dad. “Can I talk to you a minute?” I ask him quietly.

He rolledhis eyes, but got up from his stool at the bar. “What do you want?” he asks, as soon as we reach the hallway.

I swallow past the nerves in my throat and try to take a deep, calming breath. “I wanted to ask if I can borrow a hundred dollars.”

My father’s head falls back in laughter. His beer gut shakes from the sound and I feel my insides crumble around themselves. “You’vegotta beshitting me, kid.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m serious. I’ll pay you back next week as soon as I get my paycheck.” I had a part time job mostly on weekends and a few days after school.

“You think I’m just going to give you a hundred dollars?” His bushy eyebrows raise with question.

“I’m not asking you to give it to me, just a loan. I’ll pay you back as soon as I get paid. Hell, I’ll pay you interest,” I bargain with him.

He scratches at his chin. “What’s it for? It’s not for drugs or some shit, is it?”

I roll my eyes. “No! Contrary to what you believe, I’m not like her.” Her, meaning my mother. “I’m not into drugs or anything like that. It’s for a prom dress.”

His eyes widen before he starts laughing again. “Oh now that’s the best damn thing I’ve heard in a long time. You really think you need a prom dress.”

“Yes, I do. I’m going. I have a date and everything.” I’m defensive now because I can already see it in his eyes. He’s about to verbally lash me. My spine straightens in preparation for it.

He laughs, but it’s that laugh that makes my skin crawl. “Whores don’t have dates. They have boys or men that they are seen with, but it’s always about the sex for them. Wear something from your mom’s trash in storage. You ain’t getting any money from me.”

“Dad, please!” I plead with him, in hopes that somewhere inside his broad chest is a heart that still beats. “I never ask you for anything, but I’m begging you to loan me the money.”

“I ain’t paying for no dress when you give the milk away for free. Wear a cheap whore’s dress, just like you are,” he tells me, before bringing his beer to his lips and taking a swig. He smirks before he turns around and heads back to the bar of the clubhouse.

The tears threaten my eyes, but I fight them with every fiber of my being. I storm back up to my bedroom and blare the music while I scream into my pillow. By the time I feel the pain ease, my voice is hoarse. A knock on my door startles me and I jump up. When I open it I see Drake standing there. At first, his lopsided smile is beaming but as he takes in my appearance it falls from his handsome face. “What’s wrong?” he asks, as he steps inside the room, closes the door then moves to turn down the music. Before I can stop myself, I’ve told Drake every single detail while fighting back the tears all over again. “Damn it, why can’t he just be different?”

I scoff. “He’ll never be different. Why can’t I just have different parents? I mean didn’t I deserve at least one parent to love me? I mean dad is at least nice to Zayde. You two are all I have.”

“Look, we’ll get you a dress,” Drake tells me, as he wraps his arms around me.

I breathe him in, just like I always do because it calms and centers me. I pull back and smile up at him. “I havea dress,it’s just not the gold princess dress I had dreamed of but it’ll work.”

He nods. “You’ll be the most gorgeous girl there no matter what you wear.”

The day of the prom,I went to the salon to have my hair and nails done. I had managed to find a dress in my mom’s stuff. A mini dress with most of the back gone and far too low cut for any parent to let their teenage daughter leave out of the house in but the color was beautiful. A glittered red wine color. It looked good on me but it wasn’t what I had wanted. I knew of this dress. It was the first dress my dad ever saw my mom in so I’d at least get the satisfaction of rubbing that in his face. I slip it on and step out into the hallway to go to Zayde’s room. I knock on the door and he opens it up. I spin around. “Zip me, please.”

---