Page 30 of Full Throttled

“I’m glad you guys did. This place will always be home as odd as that is and despite everything that happened, I still missed it and you.”

Zayde walks over and sits down next to me. “I’m so sorry for what I said earlier, Zo. I was an ass. I thought I could handle seeing you again but then when I saw you there and it all just came back up to the surface. I wanted you to feel the way I felt when I realized you were gone and saying those things was the only way I knew how to accomplish that. It was wrong and I’m sorry. I’m actually really glad you’re back.”

Tears are slipping down my cheeks. My heart hurts, but it’s piecing itself back together, one shattered piece at a time. Zayde pulls me into his chest. He asks me over and over not to cry, but that command is so much easier said than done. “I missed you, Z.” I breathe in his scent and allow myself to relax, truly relax, for the first time in a really long time.

“I missed you more,” he admits quietly, but I can hear the waver in his voice. My father drilled into his head that in order to be a man you couldn’t have feelings and whatever you were feeling you certainly didn’t voice. The only thing you did with feelings was turn them into anger. You took it out on someone else by using your fists. I wrap my arms around him and pull him tighter against me. I want to fix him the way he’s fixing me right now, but I know we both have a long way to go. After a while I pull away. “So, you want to tell me what you’ve been up to all these years?”

“Do you mind if I get Drake for this part? If I have to rehash the last few years of my life, I’d prefer to only do it once.”

Zayde nods. “Yeah, of course.”

I nod and get up from the bed to go find Drake. Hopefully, he’s still around. I hear his voice as I enter the main portion of the clubhouse. The guys are all hanging around playing pool and what not. Drake has Aubree in his arms while trying to teach her how to play pool. He must feel my eyes on him because he turns around and catches my eye. He tickles Aubree and her giggles fill the air before he passes her to one of the other guys. He turns around on one ankle and grabs a pair of crutches leaning against the wall. He makes his way over to me. “You okay?”

I nod. “Yeah, Zayde and I are good. I see you got some crutches.”

“Yeah, none of them would shut up until I did.” Drake shrugs before his face breaks into a smile. I start to fidget. “Zo, what’s wrong?”

“Zayde wanted a recap of what I have been up to all these years and I would prefer to only recap this once so I didn’t know if you wanted to come upstairs or not?” I tell him.

Drake studies me. “Yeah, I’d really like that.”

Slowly, we make our way back to the room. Once my two anchors are both sitting on the bed facing me, I take a deep breath before I finally tell them everything. Some of this Zayde already knows, but for Drake…well let’s just say, I’m glad he can’t chase some of these demons down right now.

Twenty-Four

Drake

Making my way to Zoey’s room isn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done, especially with these crutches that my brothers of the club managed to drag up for me to use. They’ve definitely seen better days and it’s quite possible I might contract a disease just by touching them, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the crutches do make things a little easier. My ankle is much better than what it was. At least the constant throb has subsided.

As I follow beside her, I can’t help but wonder what exactly she is going to tell us. Zoey lets very few people in. She let me in years ago but even then, it was a small portion that she allowed me to see. She’s an incredibly guarded individual, so for her to come and ask me to listen about her past was a shocker. I imagined she would tell Zayde and he would tell me bits and pieces but the rest I’d have to draw my own conclusions on, but this is different. This is a side of Zoey that I don’t know.

When we enter the room it’s like stepping back in time. Now that it’s been cleaned back up it’s just like I remember. Zoey’s full-size bed sits in the middle of the room with her black and silver bedding. On either side of the bed there are small card tables that Zayde and I helped her paint black and spray silver glitter onto. Directly across from her bed, on the other wall is a large dresser with a mirror, the mirror has pictures stuffed around the edges. All of them have either Zayde or me in them. We all look so different. Zayde’s hair is short now when it used to be long. Zoey’s eyes used to always look like a raccoon but now you can fully see the beautiful and intriguing shade of brown they are. I look the same with the exception of the colorful ink that now covers my skin.

I take a seat on the bed beside Zayde and notice the bookshelf with the stereo system on one shelf and the rest are loaded with CDs and the little things she collected over the years. I spot the purple monkey I won for her at one of the fairs sitting in the middle of the case and I’m shocked to see it there. I had forgotten all about it until now. It wasn’t too long before she left that I won that for her. The memory floats up out of nowhere.

Dad let me actually borrow his car. I was so excited and of course, I was on my way to pick up Zoey. Zayde was going to meet us there. His dad had something he wanted him to do. So for a little while it’d just be me and Zoey. I was excited even though I knew nothing would happen. Zoey was seeing some new guy…Gregg I think that’s his name. He was a douchebag with a capital D. He definitely didn’t deserve the time of day from Zoey, but he was her type without adoubtin my mind. It’s kind of pathetic because even though I know that I don’t have a chance in hell with Zoey I still want her. I still love her. Yes, I love her…I know that’s dumb too, but you can’t help but love Zoey when you’re around her. She pulls you in slowly, her walls move just centimeters at a time but with each move there’s this undeniable light that comes through and it’s breathtaking. You can’t look away from it, not that you’d want to anyways.

I pull up and Zoey is sitting outside on the steps of the converted warehouse she calls home. She hears the car approaching and looks up. The smile that I’m rewarded with makes my heart skip a beat. Zoey stands up and even though she’s dressed like her normal self, denim shorts, red tank top, and denim vest with a pair of red converse, she’s never looked more beautiful. Her hair is down and flowing in the light spring breeze. I throw the car in park and hop out, rushing around to reach the passenger side door before she does. I pull it open and motion for her to have a seat. She smiles and bites her bottom lip. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” I respond, before shutting the door and making my way back to the driver’s side. As I sink into the seat, Zoey’s smell engulfs me. She always smells like a patch of wildflowers. I take a deep breath and hope like hell she didn’t notice that. “You ready?” I ask her.

She nods her head. “Yeah, it’s awesome that your dad let you borrow this car, too.”

I let out a low whistle. “It is, but it also means I have to be extra careful.”

Zoey giggles. “You’re Drake James, when are you not careful? I mean, honestly you’re like the only James boy in town that plays it safe.”

Her words aren’t meant to be harsh or hurtful, that’s not how Zoey is, but they do hurt. Her words remind me why I’ll never have a chance with her. She likes the reckless bad boy and it’s not in my nature. It doesn’t matter what last name I carry. I am who I am and I’ll never truly be a James boy when those traits are required. I sigh and continue to drive toward the fair that’s in town. My mood is in a downward spiral until Nirvana comes on and Zoey reaches over to turn it up. Blaring it through the speakers and singing along, playing air guitar as if she’s part of the band. Her hair flies from one direction to the next. I can’t help but smile at her free spirit. I get to see a side of her that a lot don’t. I may never really have a chance with her, but I do know her better than most.

We walk around the fair laughing and eating, checking out a few rides before we meet up with Zayde. He’s got a look about him and you can see that temper of his simmering below the surface. After a few stops at the game booths, Zayde leaves Zoey and I alone once again. We finally reach the game where you have to pop the balloons with darts. I should manage this just fine. My family plays darts as if it’s an art. “So, what do you want if I win?” I ask Zoey, as I look over at her.

Her cheeks fill with a blush and if that isn’t the most beautiful thing in the whole world, I don’t know what is. She looks down at the ground and shrugs. “Surprise me with what you think I’d want.”

I know she doesn’t want to say what she’d like from the stack of stuffed animals because it shows a vulnerable side. She hides that, but I also think I know what she’d pick so I accept her challenge with a smirk and aim my darts. A few darts later and I’ve managed to win a small prize. It’s not at all what I was hoping to win for her, but these games all seemed to be slightly rigged so hopefully this will earn me an A for effort and a smile. I turn to Zoey and present her with the small purple monkey with silver flecks. It has big buggy eyes that are bright blue. The smile lights up her face. “I don’t know if I should be impressed or scared that you know me so well.”

“What? That’s what you wanted?” I ask, the surprise in my tone is easy to hear.

Zoey laughs. “Yes, it’s exactly what I wanted.”

---