Page 33 of Full Throttled

For a moment, I forget how to breathe. His hair is a mess and he’s shirtless, allowing me to see the colorful ink that covers his torso. From his pelvic bones to just under his chest is a grayscale tattoo of the grim reapers face. Black sweats hang low on his hips. For anyone thinking gray sweats are hot on a man…well, you’ve never seen Drake James in black sweats.

When I look up, I find Drake’s eyes locked on mine. My breath stutters and my mouth goes as dry as a creek during a drought. I came here to talk to him but I have no idea what words even are right now. As I get closer, the scent of his body wash hits my senses and I notice his hair is still damp.

“Hey,” he greets me with a small smile. My stomach flip flops around and I know right then that no matter what I can’t walk away this time. I can’t leave without reaching for the stars.

Twenty-Six

Drake

Aubree is sound asleep. I hop in the shower quickly to try and decompose. Sometimes the scalding hot water clears my mind, but not tonight. My thoughts keep going back to Zoey and all the shit she’s been through. I hate the fact that she has faced most of this alone. I know she felt like it was the right decision at the time but the hurt she left in her wake is sometimes hard to come to terms with. My parents bailed Zayde out of jail more times than I can count. He was self-destructing after she left. Random fights were his way of dealing with his emotions and it often landed him in jail. Luckily, my parents saw Zayde as part of the family and would bail him out every time. As time went along, and after Barker showed up at the clubhouse, things changed with Zayde. Barker taught him to take his emotions out on punching bags or even in the ring. Zayde often fights in underground fights now, but it helps him. Barker might have even saved Zayde.

I, on the other hand, buried myself in school and letting my uncle Ace ink every visible inch of my skin, much to my mother’s dismay. There was something about the pain of the needle that numbed the pain of Zoey’s absence for me. I also finished my degree in half the time as regular students. Then I moved on to open DJ Construction. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I might have been trying to fill Zoey’s void with Jules, at least when we first met. She had a look in her eye that reminded me of Zoey in the beginning.

I scrub at my face as the water numbs my skin and my muscles release some of the pent-up tension. I can’t play these connect the dotgames. There’s so many things up in the air now. I wanted to give Zoey the benefit of the doubt and now hearing why she left I can’t blame her. I actually admire the hell out of her for it, but I’m still unsure of where her and I stand. I don’t know if I can trust her or if I should.

My mind continues to move, asking more questions than I can keep up with, until the water turns cold. I turn off the water and slowly make my way out of the shower. In my room I grab a pair of black sweats to slip on before I climb into bed. I’m running the towel over my hair in an attempt to dry it when my phone goes off. Zayde’s name is flashing on the screen. I sigh. I know he means well. He’s probably just checking to make sure I’m okay but I’m not really in the mood to talk. However, when I answer the phone it isn’t Zayde. It’s Zoey’s voice on the other end of the line, a nervous uncertainty lacing her every word.

As I make my way to the front door, I peek into Aubree’s room. She’s still sleeping peacefully. I open the front door and step outside. I didn’t think about grabbing a t-shirt and when I see Zoey’s eyes widen, I don’t think I really mind. It’s silly to be excited by her attention, but for so long that’s all I wanted.

She looks beautiful. Her face is clear of makeup with her hair thrown haphazardly on top of her head. The simple red t-shirt, skinny jeans and red converse may not be eye catching to most but to me it’s beautiful. The sight of her makes my body react even though I’m trying to tell it not to. I manage to get my voice out. “Hey.”

As she draws closer, I see the light blush on her cheeks. “Hey.” The silence falls between us. “Thank you for letting me talk to you.”

I laugh a little. “I don’t remember a time when I really ever told you no, Zo.”

“You didn’t, but that was then and this is now. A lot of things have changed.” She shrugs and looks away.

“A lot of things haven’t,” I reply, and her eyes find mine again.

She takes a deep breath before releasing it slowly. I watch as her shoulders rise and fall with it. “I’m sorry, Drake. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what was going on back then. I’m sorry for not keeping in touch. I’m sorry for not realizing what I had when I had it. I’m sorry for not saying goodbye. I’m sorry for taking you for granted. I never realized how much you and Zayde did for me until it was gone and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for everything.”

I reach forward and take one of her hands. She’s wringing them together. I know Zoey likes to play the role of indifference so I know that her telling me these things isn’t easy for her, but her words mean so much, she doesn’t have a clue. As her skin slides against mine, a sense of peace washes over me. Zoey was and probably always will be a sense of home for me. She saw me and accepted me into her world despite the fact that I didn’t always fit. “Hey,” I tell her, to get her eyes to meet mine. Slowly, those mysterious pools of brown liquid find mine. “You don’t need to apologize. I know I was upset earlier, but I think it was just the shock of it all. I felt like you didn’t trust me to take care of you, to protect you because I’d go to the ends of the earth for you.”

“I know that,” she admits quietly, with a squeeze of my hand.

I sigh. “After I left the clubhouse and had time to process, I realized that if the roles were reversed, I’m not sure if I would have done things differently. You did what you thought was right at the time despite how hard or scary it was for you. I can’t imagine picking up the only life I’d ever known and leaving. I don’t know how you did it.”

Zoey shakes her head. “I did it because I love you and I couldn’t let anything happen to you because of me. I didn’t trust my father or Buzz. If anything had happened to you or Zayde, I couldn’t have lived with it.”

I know that her ‘I love you’ wasn’t meant in the way I want, but she still said it, it still made my heart race. “I know. I would have done the same for the two of you if need be. I stillwould, it'sjust Aubree comes before everyone in my world now.”

Zoey smiles and looks up at me. “You’re a great dad. It’s still odd for me to think about sometimes, but you’re so good with her. I guess, I never realized how a dad could be until I met yours. Aubree is really lucky.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m the lucky one. She saved me. I was a little lost and then all of a sudden, I had the biggest responsibility of my life in my arms. It was just us against the world.”

“I don’t know how you did it. I don’t think I could have.”

I pull her face to me. “You’re kidding right? You’re the strongest person I know. You would have done it without a second thought because you are that selfless. I know I’ve said the opposite, but I was wrong. You gave up everything for Zayde and I. You’ll make a great mom someday Zoey and that kid is going to be so damn lucky.”

Tears fill her eyes and she looks away. She walks to the railing and looks out over the part of the city you can see from the second story. The absence of her hand is felt instantly. I move to stand beside her. “You know this used to be one of my favorite spots. It was kind of a hide out of mine. I always wondered what they put here after I left. I never imagined it would be an apartment complex.”

“I know,” I admit quietly.

Zoey’s head whips in my direction. “What?”

I don’t know if I really meant to tell her that I knew about her hiding out here, but it’s too late now. “I know that this place was special to you. When the land went up for sale, I had a little bit of money left over from starting the construction company. I knew I had to buy it so I did. I wasn’t sure what to place here at first but I knew I’d need a place to live, so I built these. It was a great way for my construction company to make a name for itself as well. If anyone doubted what we could handle I just referred to this place. It was the first job the construction company had, but originally I bought it for you.”

Zoey’s chest rises and falls quickly, her cheeks are flushed, her eyes are full of moisture again. She sniffles, but never looks away. “Why?” Her voice breaks with the question.

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