Page 34 of Full Throttled

I tilt my head to the side. “Surely, you know the answer to that Zo.”

She shakes her head. “I need to hear it.” Her words are just a whisper and could easily be lost in the sounds of the city.

I step forward, barely any space separates us. I can feel the heat coming off her body. She looks up at me and I cradle her head in my hands. “Because it’s you, Zo. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you. I fell for you the moment I laid my eyes on you. I continued to fall for you every day after. I loved you then. I love you now. I tried to fight it then because I knew I wasn’t your type. I try to fight it now because I know I come with baggage and I always have to put Aubree first and that’s not fair to you but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.”

Zoey’s tears slide down to my hands. Her bottom lip quivers and I want nothing more than to close the rest of this distance and kiss her right now, but I won’t. I guess, at the end of the day, I’m still that teenage boy who will never get the girl. I’m so lost in my thoughts, that I miss the moment that she moves. Her lips find mine, so soft, but she pulls away just as quickly. I meet her eyes; we both seem surprised by her actions. I don’t think I just act. I pull her mouth towards mine and the surprised gasp is swallowed as I kiss the girl that I’ve been in love with the majority of my life. Her gasp turns into a small sound of pleasure. Her nails dig into my ribcage as one of my hands buries into her thick hair.

Kissing Zoey is like an entirely new experience. It’s addicting, consuming, and a rush. She tastes sweet like bubblegum and cherries. I need to break for air, to clear my head, but I can’t. I’ll never be able to let her go now. Zoey finally pulls away, just barely, but even the smallest amount of distance is too far. “I love you, too. I always have. I just never thought I was good enough for you.”

I shake my head in disbelief. How could she ever think that? “You’re perfect for me,” I tell her, before I bring her mouth back to mine.

Twenty-Seven

Zoey

I wake up with a ridiculous smile plastered on my face. I can’t shake it, not that I want to. Finally, kissing Drake last night was so much more than I could have hoped for. Sadly, I’ve been kissed a lot over the years, but nothing has ever felt like that…not even close. I sit up and place my fingertips to my lips. I swear I can still feel the pressure of his against mine. I sigh. I feel like a schoolgirl with a crush but I don’t even care.

My phone rings from the nightstand. I sigh and pick up. The screen has the one thing that completely ruins my mood. Gregg’s name lights up the screen and instantly it’s like a bucket of ice cold water thrown on me. Why can’t he just leave me alone? I slide the phone under the pillow and grab my things before heading to take a shower.

I step under the steady stream of water and lean my head forward to rest against the white tiled wall. I try to fight off the downward spiral I feel coming on. I try to run from the memories that are currently taking over my head but no matter what they come.

Drake said he loved me, but did he mean it? Gregg told me that once upon a time, too. I fell for it instantly. I know Drake and Gregg are nothing alike, but what if Drake just got swept in the moment. I mean I know that I love him at least to some extent, but maybe we shouldn’t have said those three words so quickly. Gregg’s love was circumstantial. He loved me as long as he got something out of it. The moment he started to lose control over his life, he loved me. The moment that he needed or wanted something from me he loved me. It was never an unconditional and pure love. It was about gaining the upper hand and about control over me.

I came home from work, exhausted and dead on my feet, to find our house packed into boxes. They lined the front porch. When I enter the already open front door, I see trash bags full of our belongings. What the hell was going on? “Gregg?” I call out.

He appears looking nervous. His dirty blonde locks of hair are overgrown and hanging over his forehead, draping into his eyes. His skin is glistening with sweat. “Hey baby, you’re home early,” he comments, as his eyes widen in surprise.

I feel my eyebrows furrow. “No, I’m right on time. What’s going on, Gregg?”

He steps forward and takes my hands in his. “Baby, you know I love you, right?”

I did know that. I mean, we had our ups and downs, but it was mostly because I kept trying to hang on to my past. Well, Zayde and Drake. Gregg just wanted us to have a fresh, clean slate and I kept trying to hold on to something that tarnished that slate. It was always the core issue of our fights. I nod my head. “Yeah, I know that.”

“Okay, good. Well, I found us a new place. A better place to move to. You’re going to love it, but we have to be out of here by sunrise,” he tells me.

That didn’t make sense. Our lease had said we’d have thirty days from the time wegaveour notice. “That’s not fair. We have a lease and it states we get thirty days. Did you tell Maya that when you told her we were moving?” Gregg gets a guilty look in his eyes but quickly adverts them. He drops my hands and runs them through his greasy hair. “Gregg?”

“Damn it, Zoey! I’m trying here.” His voice rises with anger.

I hold up my hands to try and calm him. “I know. I’m not saying that. I’m just asking if you reminded her of the lease agreement when she told you we had to be out by sunrise. Legally, she has to give us thirty days.”

“No she doesn’t! Don’t you get it? We got evicted, so no we don’t have thirty days.” Gregg walks away from me, back into the kitchen where he begins throwing our dishes into a cardboard box. The deafening sound of glass shattering is all I hear for a moment.

When Gregg finally stops tossing the dishes that are surely trash now, I ask, “Evicted? Why?”

Gregg takes a deep breath before pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know. Maybe because we’re behind on the rent,” he replies sarcastically, before rolling his eyes, treating me like I’m dumb.

I shake my head. “But I gave you the money for the rent!”

“Yeah! Well I spent it. So, why don’t you shut the hell up and help me?”

His voice echoes around me in the now bare house. I feel the tears prick at the back of my eyes. I loved this little two bedroom house. It wasn’t too far away from my work, so when the car acted up I could walk. It was in a decent neighborhood and I felt safe. I felt like it was mine and now I’m having to leave because Gregg spent the rent money. “What did you spend it on?” I ask him. My voice is deadly quiet, but I know he hears me because his shoulders tense.

“What do you think, Sweetheart?” His voice is sickly sweet and makes my stomach churn.

I shake my head. “You disgust me. You promised me more than this.”

His head falls back in laughter. “No, I didn’t. You knew exactly who I was when you left Los Angeles with me. I haven’t changed. It’s not my fault that you had this romanticized idea of what this would all be like. I can’t help that you thought your love could change me.”

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