Page 50 of Full Throttled

I shake my head and realize he can’t see my response. “No, I’m sorry. I can’t just do what I normally do. I can’t just take everything I’m feeling and set it aside until the other party is ready to talk to me. We need to talk now, Drake.”

“Damn it, Zo!” Drake says angrily, as he stands up and faces me. The lines of stress in his face break my heart but at the same time I’m so damn angry for the secrets he’s kept from me that I can’t really find it in me to let this go. “Don’t you think I’ve had enough shit thrown at me tonight to deal with?”

“Yes, I do, but I also think you’ve been keeping secrets and I deserve answers. I’m really freaking pissed off right now.” I cross my arms over my chest and I watch as Drake narrows his eyes in my direction.

“You’re pissed off? What the hell do you have to be pissed off about? Was that your ex that just showed up?” he asks.

“You mean, yourex-wifedon’t you?” I raise my eyebrows in question.

Drake shakes his head and runs his hands through his already disheveled hair. “Why are you saying that like it’s a bad thing?”

“You didn’t think that maybe mentioning you were married was an important aspect of your life?” I know my voice is rising and I’m doing my best to keep it down, but the hurt I feel is making it difficult. My old scars are being ripped open with every second that passes.

Drake sarcastically laughs at me and it rips at my already shredding confidence in our relationship. “How the hell did you think Aubree got here?”

“I’m not five, Drake. Obviously, I know how Aubree came to be, but it is the twenty-first century and last time I checked marriage wasn’t necessary to conceive a child, so I assumed Jules had been your girlfriend, not your wife. I thought that you would have told me something that important.” My voice breaks on the last word, and I look out towards the ocean trying to keep my tears at bay.

“Are you seriously that upset over this right now? Jules and I were married for like a millisecond before she up and left. I’m so sorry it wasn’t the first thing I told you when you came waltzing back into my life after years of absence as well. I mean, seriously, you’re mad at me but really you’re to blame.” He walks past me as if he’s done with the conversation, but that comment right there has my defenses up. I quickly type a text to Zayde to come pick me up.

“How is this my fault?”

Drake stops in his tracks and turns around. “If you hadn’tran away, then I probably never would have ended up married to Jules.”

“You know why I left. I explained that to you,” I tell him, not even attempting to hide the hurt in my voice.

Drake’s eyes show a flash of apology but his stress and anger get the better of him. “Yes, you did, but it doesn’t change the things that happened because you left. I got married because there was no one else at the time. I still wanted the one girl I was never good enough for until I tattooed my body up and bought a motorcycle. You always did have a thing for bad boys.”

I shake my head and run a hand through my hair as the wind begins to pick up. “You were always the better of the two of us. I never felt worthy of you because of how my dad belittled me and shamed my confidence away, but I was always able to hold onto the fact that he wasn’t right. His words were just words because my actions made them untrue…until now. You made his words true. He called me a slut, a whore, a homewrecker and you made it all true because you made me the other woman in your marriage. You made my father’s hurtful, slanderous accusations true.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “And the worst part of it is, that you act as if I have no right to be upset right now. I know you were blindsided tonight. I know you’re stressed and I can see that you're angry. I don’t know what Jules wanted, but I can tell it upset you and I’m sorry for that but I can’t just forget that you made me something I promised myself I’d never become. You made my father correct and if you can’t understand how badly that hurts me, then you don’t know me at all.”

I start to go down the steps when I hear Zayde pull back into the parking lot. Drake stops me by wrapping his hand around my elbow. This used to feel comforting but right now it’s just another moment where he makes my father correct about me. I pull away from his grip. “Zo, don’t leave.”

I shake my head. “I can’t stay.” I don’t turn around and look at him because I’m afraid I’ll give into his request if I do. So, I take a deep breath and march forward, down the stairs and out to my brother’s truck. I climb inside and it isn’t until we are pulling away from the apartments that I allow myself to look up at Drake. He’s got his hands on the railing and his head down between his shoulders and every part of me wants to have Zayde stop the truck. I want to go back to him, but I just can’t. My heart hurts too badly on its own.

Zayde drives without asking questions. I’m thankful for the silence that he gives me, because right now if I speak, I’m not sure what will come flying out. When we arrive back at the clubhouse it seems like every guy is there along with some girls. As soon as I’m inside I grab a bottle of water and make a beeline for my room. I run into Arbor coming out of the restroom along the way. She takes one look at me and loops her arm through mine. “You need some girl talk.”

We go to my room and I instantly open the sliding window and climb out onto the metal fire escape. I stare up at the sky and listen to the distant music being played downstairs. Arbor climbs outside with me, no questions asked. We sit in silence for longer than I expect before it starts flying out of my mouth. I tell Arbor about discovering Drake is actually still married to Jules and how it made me feel. I explain about my father and the things he used to say. I unload everything onto her and she never interrupts me, she just listens and for that I’m grateful.

“May I?” she asks, before giving advice. I nod my head for her to continue. “I knew Jules, not well, but I was around while she was around. Drake cared more about her then she ever did about him but I always thought he was trying to feel a void with her. Then when she got pregnant, Drake wanted to do right by her because we both know that’s who he is. He’s just a truly good guy, but you could tell that she never really cared about having a family. I think the guys and his family tried to talk to him but she was the mother of his child, so he was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Anyways, the whole point of this is that I think for Drake in some way it’s always been you. I’m not sure why he didn’t tell you he was married before now. I can only imagine how badly that must have hurt you to find out this way and from her. He should have told you, but I don’t see Drake as the type to keep something like that from you on purpose. I mean, I don’t think he purposely set out to hurt you by withholding that information. Does any of that even make sense?”

“It does. Do you think I’m wrong to be hurt by this?” I ask. If she tells me she thinks I am I’ll go right back to Drake’s now and apologize.

Arbor’s eyes go wide and she shakes her head. “Hell no! I’d be livid. You have every right to be upset. As humans, we reserve the right to be hurt and no matter what, if it hurts then it hurts. I don’t try todownplaythat shit.” Arbor laughs. “I feel like I’m talking in circles. Did that make sense?”

I nod my head. “Yes, but it’s just so sad because everything has been going so well between us. We’ve been so happy. We even had a groove going. I felt like I was a part of their family and then all of a sudden it’s been yanked away from me.”

“You are a part of that family. I’ve seen the way Drake looks at you. I see the way Aubree gravitates to you. I’ve seen how much you care about both of them. This is just a hiccup in the road. Yes, Drake has some explaining to do and an apology to give but I don’t honestly see why the two of you couldn’t work this out and move forward. You can’t give Jules or even your father’s memory the satisfaction of winning and tearing apart a good thing.”

“You think so?” Arbor’s words lick at my scars, calming the ache and pain they were creating.

Arbor smiles and nods her head. “Hell yes!Look, everyrelationship has obstacles to face and overcome this is your first one with Drake in the relationship sense, but it’s only the end if you let it be. Don’t let anyone, but you or Drake have that kind of power over your relationship.”

“Thank you, Arbor,” I tell her, as I smile at her.

She waves her hand dismissively. “Please, that’s what friends are for.”

Friends? I never really had friends like this though. I had Zayde and I had Drake once he arrived in Los Angeles. I had the Sinner Girls, but that was more about wanting to be in good with the Sons of Sin and less about being friends with me. I never had a girl to call a friend. I never had girl talk like I just had with Arbor. “I’ve never really had a friend that I could have girl talk with before.”

Arbor smiles. “That makes two of us. I mean my best friend has always been Stryker and I love that boy with all myheart,but there are some things you just can’t talk to a boy about. Zoey Hechler, let’s make a pact.”

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