Page 51 of Full Throttled

I laugh. “Okay.”

Arbor gets up and comes towards me. I stand up as well. She holds out her hand with her pinky finger out. “Let’s promise to be each other’s first girl talk friends. From this day forward, whenever we need girl talk, we call the other and we make time for them because they need us. We’ll be each other’s first female best friends.”

I laugh and loop my pinky finger around hers. “Deal,” I tell her with a laugh.

“Now remember we pinky promised, so it’s like sworn to the higher power now. Also, I should have told you before we pinky promised but I find pinky promises to be sacred.”

“I’ll remember that,” I reply, as we sit back down and continue talking until Stryker finally comes looking for Arbor hours later. As I crawl into bed, I feel better than I did earlier. Having Arbor to talk to really did settle my nerves. Hopefully, Drake will come around soon and we can work this out.

Forty-Two

Drake

I watch as Zoey leaves and I feel like everything was in my hands and I was juggling fine then Jules showed up and now everything is slipping through my fingers. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose Zoey, but I can’t fight this out with her right now. She’s right; I’m stressed, angry, and most of all, I’m hurt by how Jules can show up after almost four years of absence and still not give a shit about Aubree. I’m hurt for my baby girl who has no idea how her mom is. I shake my head and go back inside because Zoey has a reason to be upset. I can’t blame her. I didn’t tell her and I should have, but honestly, I forget I’m even legally married most of the time. I scrub my hands over my face and go for my cell phone. I have the intention to text Zoey and tell her I’m sorry, but then I think better of it. This is something I should say in person. She deserves a face to face apology and explanation.

I close and lock my front door and stare at the chaotic mess that is my living room. I know that if I try to go to sleep now, I’ll just end up tossing and turning, so I might as well pick up the mess now. After about an hour of organizing and starting a load of laundry, I’m still wired and my body is still tense with a mind that doesn’t seem to want to shut up, so I make some of the hot tea my mom gives me that’s supposed to help you relax. I head to my room with the tea in hand and turn on the TV to some mindless reality TV while I lay in bed and try to get to sleep. A few hours later, and I’m still wide awake. I groan in frustration as I sit up on the side of the bed and run my fingers through my hair. It’s obvious I’m not going to sleep unless I exhaust myself into it, so I get up and go to my makeshift gym in the spare bedroom.

I turn the music down low so I won’t wake up Aubree and hit the machines. I push and push myself as if the harder I run on the treadmill or the heavier the weights I lift I’ll be able to outrun the memories and emotions that are running through my mind now. The memories of Jules and what a fool I was for her keep repeating in my mind. The day I found out I was going to be a single father still rips at my heart and the fear that I won’t be able to be everything Aubree needs settles in my gut. I wasn’t enough for Jules, what if I’m not enough for Aubree or Zoey either? Jules warped the way I saw myself and relationships. She scared the hell out of me and shredded my heart. She made me question myself and the world around me as well as my ability as partner and father.

Sweat pours down my body and my muscles scream for me to stop. Eventually, I do but I’ve pushed myself too far. I can barely lift my legs to get back to my bedroom. I somehow manage to climb into the shower and then my bed again. My mind is quiet and my eyes are heavy. I know in the morning I will dread the way my body is feeling, but tonight I needed it. I roll over and inhale Zoey’s scent. The ache in my heart from her absence consumes me and I know I have to fix this tomorrow.

I wake up before my alarm goes off. My body screams in pain. I definitely overworked it in the gym. I manage to get up and into the kitchen where I brew a large, much needed coffee and pop two Tylenol, even though I’m against them,before starting breakfast for Aubree. I make chip pancakes which are her favorite. They just have every kind of candy chip known to mankind (chocolate, butterscotch, peanut butter and white chocolate). She’ll be hyper, but she earned it after dancing her little heart out last night.

It’s still early for a Saturday, but I need to check on the job site and I scheduled aplaydatefor Aubree with Summer and Halen. Once breakfast is finished, I wake Aubree up and we eat the pancakes while she goes on and on about the show last night and how good breakfast is. I can’t help but feel my mood brighten. Aubree has that effect on me. After we finish, I load the dishwasher while Aubree goes to get dressed. I pop into her room on the way to mine and find her in a black skater dress with purple glitteredstripesand white denim vest. She’s currently trying to tie her purple Converse. “You want some help?”

“I think I got it,” she tells me, as she concentrates on the shoelaces. Her little tongue stuck between her teeth. After a couple of failed attempts she gets the shoe tied. “I did it!” she exclaims, and I rush over and scoop her up into the air while tickling her sides.

“You did! Now the tickle monster wants to come out to play,” I tease her, in my ‘monster voice’ as she refers to it. I toss her back onto the bed and attack her sides, listening to her giggles fill the room. Finally, after she begs for a few moments I stop and stare down at my heart. “I’m so proud of you, Love Bug.”

“Thanks, daddy,” she tells me, as she reaches up and wraps her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek. “Can I go play with Halen now?”

I nod my head. “Yes, let me go get dressed.”

Once Aubree is situated, I hop behind the wheel and we head to Jovi and Summer’s. Aubree sings along to all of the 80’s rock music like a pro and I can’t help but laugh along with her. After she’s droppedoff,I head to the job site to make sure that everything is still going according to plan. I’ve been busy bidding on more jobs for the company, so I haven’t been on the site this week, but Connor has everything right on schedule. I hang around for a bit before texting Zoey asking her if I can come by so we can talk. It takes longer than I like for her to reply but she tells me she’s at work but has lunch in an hour.

I leave the job site and head to Surf’s Up and wait by the front door to pick up Zoey. When she comes out, I’m stunned by how beautiful she looks. I can see the unease in her eyes and posture. “Hey,” she says quietly.

“Hey, do you want to grab some food while we talk?” I ask her. She nods and I step forward. “There’s a great little seafood place within walking distance if you don’t mind.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t mind.”

We walk in silence until we reach the place. I open the door and usher her inside where we stand in line to order our food. Once we’ve ordered and take a seat, I take a deep breath. “First of all, I’m sorry, Zoey. You were right when you said I was upset and taking it out on you. I was and that wasn’t fair to you. I had no right to speak to you the way I did and blame you for my relationship with Jules.”

“Thank you,” she says. The waiter comes up and drops off our food in exchange for our order number sitting on the table.

Silence falls between us so I clear my throat. “I’m also sorry for not telling you that I’m legally married still. I wasn’t trying to keep that from you it’s just in all honesty I forget half the time I am married. I mean, I’ve been doing this on my own for so long at this point that I don’t think about that piece of paper that says I have a wife. I also didn’t plan on you and this relationship when you first arrived back. I figured you’d be gone in no time, so there was no point in pulling up my past. Then oncewebecame a thing, I just didn’t think about it. I did try to divorce Jules about a year after she left, but I never knew where she was, so I wasn’t sure how to go about it and maybe a part of me was still hoping that she’d show back up even if it wasn’t for me then maybe for Aubree. After a while, I figured out she wasn’t going to come back and I accepted that. I focused everything on Aubree and I never really considered a relationship until you showed back up. So, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It wasn’t my intention. I just honestly forget sometimes. I’d never try to make you out to be the person that your father accused you of.”

Zoey stares at me, her eyes blink and I wait as she decides the fate of our relationship. Finally, she looks down and takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have pushed it last night.”

“You don’t owe me an apology. You were hurt and I get that. I’d rather you’d ask me then instead of letting it simmer and grow into something more because you didn’t talk about how you were feeling,” I tell her.

Zoey nods. “So, now that Jules is back, where does that leave us?”

“I’d like to be exactly where we were before she showed up. Look, for me Jules being back doesn’t change anything. I would never keep Aubree from her, but she made it clear last night that she’s not even concerned about her. She still doesn’t care about her, which I can’t even begin to understand, but Aubree and I are a packaged deal. One that you’ve embraced and loved from the moment you’ve had the chance. I want you, Zoey. I want you to be part of our family. I’llcallfirst thing Monday and makean appointment with an attorney so I can file the very long overdue divorce that I should have already taken care of.” I take a deep breath. My eyes stayed focused on hers. I’m trying to gauge her reaction, but that’s impossible with the moisture swimming in her eyes.

She finally nods her head and blows out a long breath. “I’d like that. I love the two of you and I don’t want to not be a part of yours or Aubree’s life. I can’t imagine that.” Zoey smiles and I stand up and walk to her side of the table before capturing her mouth with mine. When I pull back, she smiles and I can’t help but feel like this all might work out in the end after all.

Forty-Three

---