Page 40 of Rivals

“Wow,” I say in a whisper. I’m shocked. “We spent the better half of two weeks getting to know one another and you still think so little of me?”

When she raises her head, her eyes look smokey gray, like that smoke in the middle of a blazing fire. “Well, we might know each other’s bodie,s but I still know next to nothing about you and you didn’t even know that I grew up in the foster system, so I mean, when you think about it, how much do we really know?” Her question hangs between us. My insides churn because I feel like I’m trying to hang on for dear life, but it feels like she’s trying her hardest to pull away, to say goodbye, before we ever got to say a proper hello. “We were meant to be rivals from the moment I got out of that car on the track. Let’s just leave it be.” She turns around and opens the bathroom door and disappears behind it. I stare at the door as if she’ll suddenly reappear, but she doesn’t. With each passing second, I know that she’s slipping away. I can’t fight for her if she’s not willing to try and fight for herself. If she would just listen to me…

As I stand there an idea forms in my head. It’s the only way I know how to show her I care. Sadly, it’ll take the race season before she knows what I’ve done to try and prove to her that these last two weeks weren’t just about being lonely for me. All I can do is hope she’ll hang on until then. If she does, she’ll see I choose her.

Forty-Two

Sutton

Today is the day. I haven’t been sure I was ready for it but it’s too late now. The past week and a half, my team and I have spent every last minute making sure my car was race ready. The first race of the season kicks off tomorrow in Texas. My car is already there, and I will fly out this afternoon...with Rathe. That’s the part I’m not sure I'm ready for. We’ve seen a lot of each other after the press tour as we prepared our cars for the season. However, we haven’t had time to talk, thankfully. I miss him more than I want to admit. While at the track I often find myself watching him as discreetly as possible. I don’t know how or when I got so attached to him. It’s not like me. I don’t get attached to anyone because I know better. Attachment only leads to hurt because once you become attached, you’re vulnerable and that means the person has the power to hurt you. I know I made the right decision when it comes to Rathe, but it doesn’t make me miss him less. When I saw him with that woman, I knew I could never compare to what he’s become accustomed to in this world. I’m mediocre compared to the women he usually has on his arms. It was just a matter of time before he realized it too. So, I walked away before he could. I hurt myself before he could hurt me worse.

I sigh as I roll my suitcase to the front door. Evanna stands up from the couch. “You look sad, Sutton.”

I shake my head and plaster on a smile for her. “I’m fine, really. You’re just making a big deal out of nothing.”

“I don’t think I am and don’t forget that I know you better than anyone. I know that fake smile when I see one. So, don’t even try to pass that one off on me. I know that as much as you are looking forward to racing,, and that experience that you are also worried about being around Rathe,” Evanna tells me.

I scoff and roll my eyes. “I am not.” Sometimes, I forget just how well Evanna knows me.

Evanna laughs. “You are too. Have you talked to him?”

My nose scrunches up at the idea. “No, why would I?”

“Because you like him.”

“No, I don’t. We just had a fling and now it’s over. It should have never happened in the first place, but it did. Let’s move on,” I tell her.

“Okay, sure. So, the talk about risking your contract for love was just my wild imagination?” Evanna asks, as she crosses her arms over her chest. Her look is serious, and I know I’m not getting out of this house without some form of interrogation.

I shrug and look away. I busy myself with my luggage tag. “Momentary lapse of judgement.”

“Bullshit and you know it Sutton. This is what you do, and I love you, but it drives me crazy.”

Taking a deep breath, I turn around to face her. “What exactly do I do?”

“You hide away from the world. You keep everyone at arm’s length and act indifferent constantly. It’s a really great act but it’s still an act. It’s unfair to you. I wish you could see that,” Evanna tells me.

I want to instantly deny what she’s saying even though I know it’s true. “Look, I love you, but I don’t need a psychoanalysis right now. I need to get my head in the game because I have a race to win and Rathe is the last thing on my mind.” The lie and sound of his name taste like acid on my tongue. I want to cringe, but stand my ground as I step forward and pull her into a hug. “I’ll see you when I get back.”

“Okay, be safe and good luck. I can’t wait to watch it,” she tells me.

As I head outside the car is pulling up into our driveway. I meet the driver with my bag and climb inside. There was a moment before I climbed into the backseat that I was worried Rathe would be inside. Luckily, he’s not. I sigh in relief but then that feeling of missing him hits me again. It’s ridiculous I didn’t even know him that well. I mean we had barely started to get to know one another. I really don’t have a lot of reason to be so attached to Rathe ,but there was this feeling of comfort and safety with him. I keep thinking that though over and over, but I miss that feeling.

The ride to the airport is a quiet one and we reach our destination. I only find Jowanna on the plane. “Hey, how are you?” I ask her.

She looks up from her phone. “Oh, I’m great. How are you?”

“I’m good. Is Rathe running late?” I ask, trying to sound normal.

Jowanna shakes her head. “No, he flew out last night. He had some kind of meeting early this morning so it’s just us girls.”

She smiles up at me and I do my best to return the smile. I have to act normal and normal me would be happy Rathe isn’t going to be on the plane. “Awesome. Do you have any new earrings?” For the rest of the plane ride, we talk about everything and I buy Evanna more earrings than necessary, but I know she’ll love them. Despite having something to keep my mind occupied, it still wanders off to Rathe multiple times. By the time we land in Texas, I’m feeling antsy and not just about the race tomorrow.

****

I’m pretty sure I’m going purely on an hour of sleep and a gallon of coffee at this point. Last night, I went to bed early after grabbing some food so I could be ready for today. However, as soon as I laid down, I knew I’d never get any sleep. My nerves were beyond wired. My head starts to run through every possible outcome for today. When my wakeup call rang out through the silent room I felt as if I had just barely shut my eyes. Somehow, I got myself ready and made it to the elevator bay of the hotel, where I’m currently standing.

“You shouldn’t stress about it so much.” His voice skims over my skin, lighting everything on fire in its wake.

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