Page 41 of Rivals

I give him a quick side glance and note just how good he looks. It should be a crime to just always look this good but give off the vibe of just not caring to the world. It’s a dangerous combination and completely unfair. “Easy for you to say,” I mumble quietly.

“You forget a couple of years ago, I was exactly where you are right now. I know how scary it seems. It’s unknown but I promise the minute the flag drops and you push the pedal down, it all changes. It’s not scary, it’s a rush. It won’t feel any different from what you did on the streets because at the end of the day it’s just racing. The road might look different, the car might look different but it’s all just racing.” Rathe never looks in my direction while he speaks, he just stares straight ahead at the elevator bay. The elevator pings and the doors slide open, Rathe steps forward inside of the space too small for the both of us. I don’t follow. I’m frozen in place. He turns to face me and for the first time our eyes meet. The doors begin to shut, and he throws his arm out to stop them. “Are you coming?’

My tongue is suddenly so dry I can’t speak so I shake my head. “I forgot something in my room.” A sadness comes into his eyes and I look away. He doesn't say another word and not soon enough the doors slide closed separating us once again. I sigh because now I feel even more off than I did earlier. I wait as the elevator moves up and down a few times before finally calling it back to my floor and riding down to meet Jowanna. Today is going to be a long day and it doesn’t look promising that I’ll have a happy turn out if the moment with Rathe was any indication.

Forty-Three

Rathe

My first thought when I wake up in the hotel room is...the second race of the season. I sigh and let the weight of today and this race weigh on my shoulders. I need to win this race. I completely messed up in the first race of the season. Between the stress of just being on the track and issues between Sutton and I, my anxiety hit an all-time high in the middle of the race. Sutton had been the one to calm it so when I lost that connection to her, I lost the calm and I have lost her in every way possible.

As I sit up my mind goes back to the first race of the season which was only a couple of weeks ago, yet it feels like a different lifetime altogether. That race opened my eyes. Sutton placed in third and I couldn’t have been happier for her but there was a part of me that envied her. I was her until that damn wreck. I came in seventh which is not good. There’s so much riding on this race season and there’s no time to be coming in that low. However, I was doing great and holding a strong second position until halfway through the race when one of the other drivers blew a tire and spun out on the track. Luckily, it was a clean spin out, but my anxiety went through the roof. Instantly, I backed off my speed and aggressive driving and soon enough I was in the back of the pack.

After the race I realized that I seriously needed help to manage my anxiety. Sutton had tried and succeeded as long as it was just the two of us on a track but that’s not an option for this career. So, I started seeing a therapist and now I take some medication to help balance the anxiety. I definitely feel better, at least with that side of things.

I had a goal to get Sutton to talk to me after the race but when we finally got to leave the track, she had some unexpected visitors. Evanna and Jakob, Sutton’s ex-boyfriend, had surprised her by showing up for the race. Ryann filled me in on everything because apparently, they had sat with her. The way Sutton had hugged and joked around with Jakob made that little green jealous monster rear its ugly head once more. I didn’t know why Jakob was her ex-boyfriend, but something told me he was a douche bag with a capital D. I didn’t like the guy. He seemed too busy checking out every single female within a hundred yards and not nearly busy enough paying attention to Sutton. I didn’t understand what he was thinking. Whenever Sutton was around, I couldn’t seem to take my mind off her. Something told me that Jakob had been the one to mess up their relationship and that Sutton ended it because of that.

So, I adjusted my plan. I would just talk with her when we flew back home but then Jowanna had invited Ryann, Evanna, and Jakob to fly back with us so that went up in flames pretty quickly. The third plan was to catch her at the track during practice but since I started seeing the therapist my track time has been different from hers and every time, I have seen her, Jakob has been around. The guy is really starting to get on my nerves. I’m hoping today I can actually talk to her.

After a shower and getting dressed I head down to the lobby to grab some breakfast before I meet up with my team and head to the racetrack. As I enter the restaurant located in the hotel, I spot Maxton and Ryann at a table. They’re heads are leaning over the table and they seem to be whispering pretty angrily. I don’t want any part of that, so I head in the opposite direction but Ryann spots me anyways. “Rathe!” I turn around and see her waving me over. Reluctantly, I head their way. “What? Did you think you could sneak by that easily?”

“One can hope,” I tell her, as I sit down at the table.

Maxton nods. “Did you get any sleep last night?”

I nod. “Yeah, I did. How about you guys?”

“Fine,” Ryann replies without looking up from her plate. Her attitude is weird today. She seems less like herself. “So, how are you feeling with the medication?”

“Better than I expected. I think that’s why I’ve been getting more sleep than normal. It’s very calming.”

“That’s great,” she replies but she’s definitely not her enthusiastic self.

The table falls silent. Eventually, I ask, “Are mom and dad coming in today?”

“Yeah, they’re already here. They’re just sleeping in. Oh, there’s Sutton, Evanna and Jakob.” Ryann stands up and calls them over, ignoring my groan. Before I know it, we have a table full of people and everyone is listening to Evanna and Ryann talk fashion. I’ve tuned the two of them out and I’m currently focused on Jakob’s hand as he plays with a lock of Sutton’s hair. He catches me and smirks in my direction. I’d like to cross this table and knock that smirk clear off his damn face, but something tells me that wouldn’t help my case with Sutton.

I spot Colton and his crew chief, Becks, as they enter the restaurant. Thank goodness for saving graces because I actually need to talk to him. I stand up. “If you guys will excuse me, I have something I need to take care of before the race.”

Ryann shoots up from her seat. “Oh, well darn.” She pulls me into her arms. “Good luck and burn rubber.”

I laugh. That has been our catch phrase since I first started driving a car. It always makes me smile when she repeats it. “Thanks. See you in the pit,” I tell Maxton, before I turn around and head towards my next problem. At least, this one I can solve.

****

This track is one I love. I let the sun warm my skin as I close my eyes and lean my head back. The sun beats down on me and I say a silent prayer for today. I need it. Too much is riding on this race season and I just keep adding more pressure to myself. Colton and I both know what needs to happen today, but the question is can I pull it off? I have my worries of course and I know he does too, but I feel better than I have in a long time. I walk over to Maxton. “How’s the car?”

“Perfect or at least as close as it can be. How are you feeling?”

I nod. “As close as I can be to perfect myself.”

“Did everything go okay with Colton this morning?”

I nod. Maxton is the only one who knows what’s going on between Colton and me. I’d love to tell Ryann, but she would never be able to keep it a secret. “Yeah, of course he has concerns and what happens today could very well end this entire plan, but I can do this. I can place in the top three and prove that I’m worth putting money on.”

“I know you are. I’d bet everything I have on you. You can do this. Just remember to breathe through the anxiety and don’t let off that pedal.” Maxton smiles at me and pats my back. His words of wisdom are exactly what I need right now.

I head to my trailer to grab a few Sour Patch Kids gummies for good luck. All too soon there's a knock on the door letting me know it’s time. I pull my jumpsuit up and step out. Sutton is the first thing my eyes land on. She’s about fifteen yards away, heading towards her car and she looks amazing. God, I miss her. I allow myself a moment to watch her before I get my head in the game and zone everything going on around me out.

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