Page 45 of Rivals

“Now? Now you want to explain? You’ve had plenty of time to explain to me that my so-called boyfriend was actually only using me to pay off his gambling debt. There has been plenty of time for that,” I yell at him, unable to control my voice.

Rathe runs his hands through his hair. “I didn’t want you to find out. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I only found out by accident. It was the other day when I was leaving a therapy session. I spotted Jakob and some girl, he called her Ally, sitting at a bistro on one of the outside seats. I took a seat behind him and listened in. I heard all about it so when he got up to go to the restroom, I followed him and told him to leave you out of it. He wasn’t going to, so I gave him the money,” Rathe tells me. Everything comes out in a quick, hurried breath.

I shake my head as my anger wins. “You should have told me. I deserved to know. You know what the worst part is. I was coming here to tell you I wanted to give us an actual chance, but then I find out you’re just as bad as the rest of them. You’ve lied to me and kept secrets from me too so what’s the point?”

“I’m not like Jakob,” he bites out.

“You don’t even see it, but you are. You lied to me just like he did.”

Rathe blows out a breath. “I shouldn’t have lied and I’m sorry for that, I really am but there is a difference. I lied to protect you. He lied to use you and if you can’t see that difference then I don’t know how to help you.” We stare each other down, until my anger starts to ease and the hurt begins to work its way through my body. Defeat and betrayal are two things I don’t like to feel ,but right now they are both weighing on my shoulders. “You’re just looking for a reason to run. You may have come here with the intention of giving us a chance but really, you’re looking for a reason to run and you found one. This is what you wanted.” Rathe holds his arms out to the side of him in a challenge. One that I hear loud and clear.

I shake my head no, dismissing his words. “No, this is just the tip of the iceberg of what I wanted and why I came here tonight.”

“What?” His bewildered look should make me laugh, but it can’t, not at this moment. Everything is so heavy.

“I wanted the whole damn iceberg, not just the tip. I wanted to crash into it like the Titanic and drown in the icy cold water it sits in. I wanted to be consumed by it...by you. I wanted you. I wanted the guy from the press tour that made my skin spark with fire and challenged me in ways I never knew possible but it’s obvious I was wrong. You’re not him,” I tell him, as I look away. The sigh that leaves my body is heavy and I turn around and walk away from Rathe, my heart crumbling. It’s sad how much harder it is to walk away from him than Jakob even though I have history with Jakob. Rathe doesn’t follow me and I’m conflicted by that. Part of me wanted him to fight for me but the other part just wants him to let go, because once again, I’m reminded, I’m not worth the fight.

Forty-Seven

Sutton

I’m standing in my mirror once more. I never thought I’d see the day where I spend so much time getting dressed and doing my hair and makeup. It also never crossed my mind that I’d actually own a few fancy gowns. They had never seemed like a necessary part of my life until recently. There’s a lot of things that didn’t seem necessary until recently. I sigh as the past few months of my life replay through my mind like a movie reel. The race season is officially over. Colton won the cup, but Rathe managed to pull in second and I came in fifth, which is good for a rookie. It was amazing to be a part of, but it was bittersweet. A large part of me wanted to run to Rathe and congratulate him but I knew I couldn’t. Our personal issues kept me from reacting any other way than professional.

My personal life is the real issue though that weighs so heavily on me. After finding out Jakob was using me, I cut all ties from him. I changed my number and blocked him from all social media. It’s what I should have done when I caught him cheating the first time, but I guess it’s better late than never. Rathe though is another issue altogether. I can’t cut ties from him. I can’t avoid him even though I try my hardest. I don’t know why but finding out that he had lied to me hurt worse than anything Jakob had done to me. Maybe, it’s because I stopped expecting anything from Jakob a long time ago but there was still hope with Rathe.

A few days after I had caught Jakob and Rathe together, talking about the money, Rathe showed up at my house. I refused to answer the door so Evanna did. I had hidden in the corner of the living room where I couldn’t be seen, but could still hear everything he had to say. The memory comes flooding back.

“Evanna, I know she’s here and I know she’s upset. She has every right to be. I messed up, but I honestly was trying to protect her. My intentions were never to hurt her. I would never want that.” I could hear the plea in his voice, and it pulled at every fiber of my being.

Evanna believed him. I could tell by the look on her face. “I know, but you know how hard it is for Sutton to trust someone. You kind of broke it after she gave it to you.”

Rathe sighs. “I know. My intentions were in the right place, but it was still wrong. I’m trying to fix it, but she won’t talk to me. She’s changed her number so I can’t call or text because believe me I tried until I found out it was disconnected. I don’t want to approach her at the track because that’s her job and I know how much it means to her. When I show up here, she’s never home. How am I supposed to ask for forgiveness if she won’t let me see her?”

“You keep trying. Look, I don’t blame you for how you handled things. Truth be told I probably would have done the same thing. Now, you just have to keep proving that you care. It goes further than you’d think,” Evanna tells him.

I want to know what Rathe’s face looks like right now because I know mine is shocked. To hear Evanna admit that she would have lied to me is shocking. I never would have guessed that. Now, I’m not sure how to feel about the way Rathe handled the situation. My stomach churns with unease. What if I’m overreacting? What if I’m running because it’s less scary than staying and seeing where Rathe and I end up?

“Okay, well, may I give you this?” I see Rathe’s hand extend a black envelope to Evanna. She takes it but the look of confusion on her face is priceless. “It's an event for Corporate Cares. I think Sutton should be there, you as well. I’m sure Rylee will be reaching out to invite her personally, but I wanted to be the first. It’s the week after the final race of the season. Please, try and get her to come.”

Evanna nods her head. “I will.”

The knock on my bedroom door has the memory slipping from my mind. I turn to see Evanna looking like a princess in her red evening gown. She smiles at me when she sees me. “I swear, every time I see you all dressed up like this, I'm breathless. You’re gorgeous and don’t even realize it.”

“Okay, just stop right now before you make things weird or start crying.” I walk away to the other side of the room.

She laughs. “Okay but you do look amazing. Purple was definitely the best decision.”

As I turn back around, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I know she’s right. The off the shoulder, beaded bodice, fit and flare plum gown is perfect. I feel more confident than I have in days. Although, I'm not looking forward to tonight, I at least feel like I look the part. It’s been a week since the race season ended. It’s been a week of not seeing Rathe...I wish I could say it had made me feel better, but honestly it hasn’t. I still miss him terribly and the confusion I feel over my feelings for him hasn’t lessened. Tonight, will be the first night I’ve seen him since the final race. I wouldn’t even go if it wasn’t for the fact that Rylee called and invited me a couple of days after Rathe gave the envelope to Evanna.

“Hey, are you okay?” Evanna asks.

I nod my head. “Yeah, I was just mentally preparing for tonight.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not possible.” Evanna gives me a small, tight smile. She’s right. There’s no way to prepare for this but I have to try. The doorbell rings and we exchange a look. “Did you order a car?”

I shake my head. “No, I thought we agreed to drive ourselves.”

“We did. I’ll grab the door. You finish getting ready because we need to leave in a few,” she tells me, as she turns away and heads towards our living room.

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