Page 9 of Rivals

“Anytime Sutton.” His big smile is friendly and causes the corners of his eyes to crinkle.

My head tilts to the side with curiosity. “How’d you know my name?”

“Tucker told me yesterday.”

His answer means that he remembered my name and it pulls at my heart. I mean to most it probably seems silly to get emotional over someone remembering something as insignificant as your name but to someone who was marked as forgotten by everyone in her life and a system that was meant to provide her with something more, it means the world. “Thank you, Patrick.”

Patrick nods his head. “I hope I get to see a lot of you around here Sutton. You sure do brighten up this place.”

“I’ll see what I can do about that.” As I turn away, I hear him whistling the theme song to Andy Griffith and it settles my nerves instantly. It’s funny how some people can turn your whole day around.

The place is eerily quiet as I walk through the empty halls. I try to picture it packed with people, the air crackling with excitement on a race day but for some reason I can only picture it like this. When I reach the stands, I take a seat and study the track. From the stands the track looks huge. The immensity of it is almost overwhelming, but when I was down there, behind the wheel of the car and racing around it, well it felt so small in comparison. I sit back and watch as Rathe walks out to his car and gets into place.

I’m intrigued to watch him. He pulls out of the pit without any issues. He accelerates quickly and moves like he owns the track which he basically does...or did at least. I watch him carefully because the driver I’m seeing right now should be winning races not losing. On his sixth lap around the second curve something in the air shifts. Rathe suddenly backs off from his aggressive speed. I try to watch the car to see if it’s having an issue, but I don’t notice anything. I scan the area where the crew are standing, then the stand where Maxton is sitting with a headset on. He’s shaking his head. Apparently, this is why Rathe is losing.

“It’s a damn shame how badly the wreck messed with his head.” Tucker startles me and I nearly jump out of my seat. “I’m sorry,” he says with a chuckle. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay, I was just wrapped up watching the track and didn’t hear you come up.” I stand up and turn to face him. His eyes are expectant.

“Well, I’m hoping that since you’re here in person that means that you are going to be my new driver because if you are declining my offer you could have broken my heart over a call or text.”

I sigh and run a hand through my hair while I look back to the track. I already know what I’m going to do. I just need to get my head and heart to both accept it. When I turn back to Tucker, I know he’s worried I’m going to decline. I can tell by the crease forming between his eyebrows. I take a deep breath and release it. “I’m in,” I tell him quietly. His face lights up like the sky on the fourth of July. He claps his hands and smiles at me.

“You won’t regret this Sutton.” I nod my head unable to find any words, but I hope he’s right.

Nine

Rathe

When I woke up this morning, I was determined. My mind was clear and set. Anxiety just seemed like another term I often heard thrown about on TV or on the radio. It didn’t exist within the confines of my body. It was like I had never suffered from anxiety or a panic attack before. I felt amazing. I felt like the old me. The version of me that won races, took chances and worried about the consequences later. It was early but I got dressed and went for a run anyways. It felt good. The music of Falling in Reverse blaring into my ears, energizing my body for the day ahead. I had it planned out. Once I arrived at the track, I would apologize profusely to Maxton before getting into my car and driving like I haven’t driven in over a year. In my mind it was so clear and simple. It’s funny how things rarely worked out that way.

However, my mood changed on my way to the track. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot my determination went out the window. My chest tightened. There I was again, this new weak version of myself. A failure that wasn’t able to keep his shit together anymore. I was supposed to be strong, but I was far from it. Somehow, I managed to pull myself from my truck and as I did, I noticed my newest possible rival sitting across from me. I knew that Tucker said he was waiting for an answer from her. Selfishly, I had hoped she’d say no but surely, she wasn’t so cruel as to show up and deliver that blow to Tucker’s face. If I had to guess, I’d say I was about to become teammates with little miss race princess.

It was ridiculous how good she was yesterday. I would have bet money she grew up in the Indy world, but Tucker swears that’s not true. I’m still not sure I buy it. Maybe, she’s just playing everyone. Who knows? Frustration ebbs its way through my body. I barely acknowledge Patrick as I scan my badge. He’s always been incredibly friendly, but I don’t have it in me right now to make small talk. My mood has soured, and self-loathing is consuming me. I hate this version of me, but I can’t seem to keep him buried.

I spot Maxton as soon as I make it to the shop portion of the building. Detouring from my trailer I head towards Maxton. He must spot me from the corner of his eye because he turns on his heels and speed walks into his office, as if I won’t follow him there. I knock on the open door. He looks up and it’s as if you can see his mood plummet as quickly as mine did when I pulled up to the track. “Can I help you, Mr. McCall?”

“Ouch, that stings, not that I don’t deserve it after yesterday but still…” I tell him. Maxton and I stare at each other. The tension in the air is thick, it’s almost as if you can see it. He raises his eyebrows in question after a few moments of silence. I open my mouth only to have words fail me, so I close it back.

Maxton sharply nods once. “Well, if there’s nothing I can do for you then I need to get back to making sure your car is ready for the test run today. I mean, that is my pay grade and all.”

“Damn it, Max. I’m sorry, okay! I’m sorry! I was an ass to you because I was upset with myself and the new driver and I took it out on you because I could. It wasn't fair or right and I’m sorry,” I tell him. I throw my hands up in surrender.

Silence falls between us once more, but the tension is less this time. “Rathe, I know you’re stressed right now. I know this new driver situation isn’t ideal with your last season stats, but I can’t help that. My job is to make sure that the car is ready, and it is. My job is to make sure I guide your blind spots and I do. My job is to make sure that my best friend doesn’t ruin his career over a wreck, but I can only do so much for that. You have to meet me halfway here.”

“It wasn’t just a wreck,” I say harshly. People are always trying to downplay it and I hate that. People died that day. I could have been one of them, yet they think that shouldn't mess with my head.

Maxton rounds his desk. “But it was just a wreck.”

“People died! How can you say that?”

He shakes his head. “Every time you’ve gotten into that car and drove whatever track for whichever race there’s been a possibility of a wreck, of someone losing their life. That’s part of this sport that you decided to be part of. You have to figure out a way to handle this shit or it’s going to handle you. It’s going to cost you everything. I’m doing everything I can.” I advert my eyes but nod my head, so he knows I hear him. “I love you man. You’re like a brother to me, but for the record if you ever talk to me like you did yesterday, I’m done. I’ll wash my hands and walk away. I can work anywhere, and I won’t be talked to like that again.”

“I won’t do it again.” As I make my way back to the trailer to put on my driving gear, I can’t help but feel a little lost in thought. Once I’ve changed, I stop by the door to grab a couple of Sour Patch Kids before heading outside. I cross the track to my car. I can feel the anxiety start to rise as I slip the helmet on and secure it. I try to shake the feeling off but it’s only growing stronger with each breath I take.

Maxton appears in front of me, tapping my helmet to pull me back to reality. “Just breathe man.” I nod my head and take some deep calming breaths. “You’ve got this.” Maxton holds my eyes, calm and steady until I feel the anxiety start to drift back to bay. I climb into the car and pull out to the start line on the track. “Okay, remember it’s just a test drive. Take your time on the first couple of laps but then let her rip once you’re ready.”

“Got it,” I reply.

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