Page 22 of Dangerous Curves

Kenndrix

I lie awake, long after sleep found Jaxx. My head is resting on his bare chest, the steady rise and fall should help me find my own rest, but it doesn’t. I just listen to the beating of his heart and I wonder how badly it was broken when he walked away. It was easy to cast him as the villain when I was broken-hearted and he was no longer in my life. However, seeing him now changes that. After last night, it’s clear that some things have never changed between us.

Looking back, I can see that Jaxx walking away might have been a desperate action. It might have been his way of trying to get me to see what had always been right in front of me. I sigh heavily. My phone begins to vibrate on the floor where it fell from the pocket of my jacket once it was discarded. I already know who is calling the problem is it took him over ten hours to be bothered by my absence or even notice it. What makes it even more frustrating is that he’s been done with the photo shoot for at least eight of those hours. Ronin lives in his own world, one where it only revolves around him, his career, his wants, his desires, his life. The rest of us are just merely around for his amusement or at least that’s how it seems.

If it took him this long to realize I wasn’t at his hotel room like we had originally planned, it makes me wonder where he’s been and what he’s been doing and who he’s been doing it with. I have no right to judge considering where I am currently and who I’m with but up until tonight I’ve been nothing but faithful to this one sided relationship Ronin and I shared. The tabloids have always painted Ronin to be this heart throb, playboy. They were stories I’d roll my eyes at and quickly dismiss. I’ve defended Ronin to my family and friends since the beginning of our relationship but now I’m wondering why?

Seeing Ronin today, in all of his naked glory, clearly flirting with the model and treating me in a condescending manner put things in a new perspective for me. Maybe, those tabloids and reports weren’t all wrong. “You know you think so very loud,” Jaxx tells me, his voice deep and sexy from his sleep. It sends shivers down my spine.

“How do you know I’m thinking?” My mind races wildly to try and figure out if I accidently mumbled something out loud without realizing it and just how embarrassed I should be right now.

Jaxx chuckles. “Do you think I need my eyes open to know when you’re thinking?”

I sit up, pulling the sheet with me, leaving Jaxx’s chiseled chest and abs. His intricate chest tattoo draws my attention. In the middle is a tribal fleur de lys with tribal angel wings accompanying either side of it with a crown resting above it all. The coloring and shading are done so well, the precision of the lines leaves no doubt in my mind that Ace did that tattoo. I reach out and slowly trace the fleur de lys. “How did you know?” I ask quietly, careful not to disturb the peacefulness of the night.

Jaxx grabs my hand and brings my fingertips to his lips. He takes the time to kiss each one. “I know because I know you. Time, distance or whatever else may come between us…it doesn’t change the fact that I know the core of you. I know what makes you tick, laugh, cry…”

“You shouldn’t know me so well anymore.” I shake my head and pull my hand back to my own chest.

He sits up. His hands reach out and caress my face. “Says who?”

I can feel the tears in my eyes. “We broke up.”

A sad look comes into his eyes. “It was never meant to be forever. You and I were meant to be forever. It was supposed to be us against the world, beautiful. Don’t you remember that?”

One stray tear disobeys my orders and rolls down until it hits one of his fingers. “Of course, I remember that.”

“We can have that now Kenndrix. Let’s not waste any more time.” His eyes plead with me. They pull at my heartstrings and I lean forward, the words on the tip of my tongue, but then my phone vibrates again pulling me back to reality.

It’s like a bucket of ice cold water is thrown on me. Everything I just did plays out in front of me. I cheated on Ronin. No, he’s not the best boyfriend, but I still owed him my loyalty. My heart got caught up in the moment with Jaxx and now I’m going to end up hurting him, too. “Jaxx, we can’t. My phone keeps going off. It’s…”

“Him, I’m sure, but it took him this long to finally call you. What’s the rush now?” His smile is playful and I shake my head.

I get out of bed and collect Jaxx’s discarded Henley t-shirt from the floor and slip it on. “I can’t cheat on him.”

He sighs. “I’m pretty sure you already did.”

My hands go to my hips. “You know what I mean. He deserves better than this.”

Jaxx stands up and grabs his boxer briefs. “You say that, but you don’t mean it because if you listen to your heart and I mean really listen to it then you know he cheated long before you did. You know that you aren’t meant to be with him and that the relationship you share with him is just a bunch of crap. You know in your heart that I’m meant to be with you. I worship you, Kenndrix, in every way possible. What does he do for you?”

“That’s not fair. He’s been there for me,” I tell him, attempting to defend Ronin, even if I’m not sure why.

He laughs, but it’s full of sarcasm. “Somehow, I doubt that.”

“You don’t get to pass judgement on my relationship.”

“Or, the lack there off,” he spits back out at me.

I want to scream in frustration. We’re unraveling all over again. Once again, it’s my fault. I can never just own up to any of it. I was just thinking about how Ronin and I weren’t right for each other and how our relationship has been one sided and now I’m defending him. What is wrong with me? “We’re already going at each other’s throats again.”

“Because you keep fighting this. You keep fighting me, Kenndrix, and I don’t know why. You’ve always fought against me and what we had. I know it’s scary, but if you would just stop fighting it you might find that you could be really happy.” Jaxx crosses the room and reaches for me, but I step back. If he touches me I’ll cave.

My head shakes on its own accord. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, I do. You terrify me. What you make me feel is so consuming and it makes me so damn vulnerable, but you’re worth that risk. You’ve always been worth the risk. Please.” He begs me with every part of his body. My body moves towards him a tiny step but it doesn’t go unnoticed by him. “Just give me this weekend to prove to you that we are meant to be.”

I want to say yes, but I know I shouldn’t. We’ve been down this road before and I remember all too well how that ended. I can’t do that kind of hurt again. Are we doomed to repeat history? That question is playing over and over in my mind as I step forward once more. “Okay,” I tell him. Jaxx sags in relief as he pulls me into him. His nose buries into my hair and my entire body sighs in happiness. If I could just let myself make the decision that makes me happy.

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