Page 19 of Autumn Skies & Pumpkin Pies

“Because I did what had to be done.”

Rocker squeezes his eyes shut while pinching the bridge of his nose. “So, you kept saying then and apparently now but it would have been nice to have a say in it Warbee. It was so easy for you to just walk away from me, but a piece of me has always been here, with you. It left with you that day on the football field.”

“Easy for me? You think that was easy for me?” I ask, my voice rises with emotion. Rocker’s eyes widen in shock. I rarely raise my voice, but right now I have no control over anything. This was not how I saw tonight going. I knew that if we kept seeing one another eventually this talk would happen, but I didn’t expect it tonight.

“Well yeah, it seemed that way,” he finally replies.

I shake my head and stand up, but I can’t be still, so I begin to pace. “That was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and let me tell you I’ve handled some shit in the eleven years you’ve been gone, but walking away from you is still the top spot on the list. But you know what? I’d do it again.” Rocker stands up straighter, but I can tell by the tensing of his muscles that he didn’t expect me to say that. I nod my head to reinforce what I just said. “Yes, I’d do it again because you had to go. You had to live your dream.”

“A dream that was only half a dream without you Warbee. Don’t you get it? I made it to the NFL, but while the rest of my team was looking into those boxes and seeing the people they loved, mine was missing. I got half my dream, Warbee, but the NFL wasn’t the top of my list,” he admits quietly.

His words shock me. My world spins backwards on its axis for a minute. “What?” It’s barely a whisper and I’m not sure how he even hears me over the music playing and the distance between us.

“That night on the football field at the homecoming dance changed me. You changed me Warbee. Football stopped being at the top of my list and you quietly slid into it. So yes, I made it to the NFL, but it always felt half empty to me. Then eleven years after having to watch you walk away, I get offered a job here and the first thing that came to mind was...you. My mind instantly thought that maybe this could be our second chance, because a second chance with you is the only thing I’ve been wanting since that day.” Tears stream down my face quietly. My makeup is forgotten and ruined. Rocker changed my life and he never knew it. Yes, I dated throughout the years, but no one could compare to him and the way he made me feel. I never expected to get a second chance with him. I never thought he’d return to Blue Ridge, but here he is. He closes the distance between us and cups my face in hands while using his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “Don’t cry darlin’.”

“We can’t just pick up where we left off Rocker. Things are different. We’re different,” I tell him.

Rocker smiles and those dimples make me weak in the knees. “I never said anything about picking up where we left off. I want a new story with you, Warbee. One with a better ending. An ending where you don’t walk away because it was the right thing to do. I just want you anyway I can have you.”

My bottom lip trembles. “You shouldn’t want me,” I tell him. He doesn’t know about my past and I need to tell him. The life we once had planned can never be. I can’t give him false hope, but before I can confess everything his lips are on mine and my thoughts are forgotten.

When he pulls away this time he chuckles. “Well, I guess that’s too bad because I do.” My heart speeds up and I feel lighter than a feather. I can fill him in later right now I just want to be with Rocker. One of those slow country love songs comes on and Rocker takes my hands as we begin to sway to the music. Dancing with Rocker was always one of my favorite things.

The rest of the night we spend inside the closed bakery with music playing and talking about memories. We don’t talk about the years we were absent from one another’s lives or even the future. We’re just in the now which gives me an excuse to avoid the reason why we shouldn’t try again. Bushels of Fun is forgotten, but then again there’s always next week.

Later that night, Rocker walks me to my door and kisses me good night as I step inside my cottage. The front door shuts and I slide down the closed door until my butt hits the floor. Sassy looks at me from across the room. Fear and guilt churn in my stomach and as if she can sense my need for comfort, she crosses the room and climbs into my lap. I snuggle her while asking, “What am I going to do?”

NINETEEN

Rocker

This past week has been crazy. It started when Warbee woke up Saturday morning feeling under the weather. Our Bushels of Fun date got postponed for the following weekend. Instead, I ran around town and gathered everything a cold could possibly need and showed up on her doorstep to try and nurse her back to health. At first, she seemed shocked and a little reluctant but once we got comfortable on the couch, we found a routine. The rest of the weekend we hung out at her place watching cheesy autumn movies on Hallmark and Halloween movies. Luckily, she has started to feel better this week.

Now, this week it’s been my turn to stress, and she knows it so every morning I have stopped to grab my breakfast and tea. It's ready to go the moment I walk through the door. She leaves Capri instructions on what I want and what time I should be in. Cutting the line is a blessing, but also makes me feel guilty. Warbee has also provided us with lunch every day this week. I’ve been tucked away in my office inside the field house, lost in my playbook or game tape, when she shows up like the angel she is.

This week is the first game that we’ll have with me as the head coach. So far, there's been two games and the team has lost one and won the other. The assistant coaches had been coaching the team until I arrived. Now, it’s been me and the team all week, but we’re playing a rough team this week. I know the town is expecting a win, but I don’t. The team is great and completely capable of being undefeated. They work well together, and they're used to each other. I’m the newbie that will cost them the win. My plays are complex and new to them along with my coaching style. It takes time to get used to a change while playing any sport. I hate the pressure I feel to hand a win to the town, because it’s unfair to my players but I know it’s what is expected of me.

I texted Warbee this morning and told her I wouldn’t be by the bakery. I didn’t want her to waste the items she makes her living off of. There’s this tradition that I’ve always done before a game. That morning, early, when the dew is still wet on the grass and there’s still a slight misty fog in the air, I go to the football field. I stand in the endzone and visualize how I want the game to go. Then I talk and plead with whatever football gods there are to help me win and keep everyone safe. In high school, my team thought it was silly, but it doesn’t feel right unless I do it.

So, this morning I drove on nearly empty and darkened streets to the football field. The smell of autumn clung in the air with the freshness of early morning. I made my way to the end zone where I sat on the moist ground and did what I always do. That’s where I am when Keffer finds me. The sun is up but it’s overcast today. Students have begun to arrive, but I still sit on the grass. “Well, I heard there was some hot shot football player here, but all I see is a lawn gnome.” I’d know that voice anywhere. When I look over my shoulder, I see Keefer walking towards me. He still looks the same just a little older. I stand up and greet him. He’s about the only one I kept in contact with after I left Blue Ridge. It shocked me because I expected Mase, who I had been friends with my entire life to always be there. However, after leaving I saw that wasn’t going to happen. The only one who really tried to meet me halfway was Keefer.

“Why don’t you shut the hell up?” We shake hands and do the awkward hug guys exchange when seeing each other.

Keefer smiles while scratching at the stubble coating his jawline. “It’s good to see you man.”

“You too. I didn't know you were in town.”

Keefer’s face breaks into a shit eating grin. “Like I would miss the first game you coach on this field for our team. This is partly my legacy too man. So, don’t screw it up.”

I give him a sarcastic laugh. “Thanks, no pressure, right?”

“Nope, none. So, how’s life after football?” he asks, after a stretch of silence.

I shrug. I’d be lying if it didn’t still sting a little. There’s a good chance I’ll always miss it to some extent, but I have other things to look forward to in my life now. “It’s different. I knew this day would come, though.”

“Yeah, but not at twenty-nine. No one saw that coming.”

“So, what are you up to? How’s the accounting world?” I ask

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