Page 28 of Autumn Skies & Pumpkin Pies

“What?” I’m beyond confused by her words right now.

Warbee sighs. “I can’t guarantee you a future. I’ll always have to worry the cancer is going to come back. I know you’ve already heard about it. It’s true I had cancer. I’ve been lucky the last six years, but you never know when it might show back up. Don’t you get it? I can never give you what we talked about back then. I can’t have children now. I can’t give you that.”

She yanks away from me. I’m frozen. There are no words. I should have them. I need to have them, but I’m lost. Her tears slip over her cheeks and her head falls. Warbee walks away, and I let her this time.

Twenty-Seven

Warbee

Luckily, I don’t live too far from the bar, so I walk, and Blue Ridge is a pretty safe place. I make it home in record time, but I’m chilled to the bone and I can’t feel my face where the chilly wind has dried my tears. I grab my hidden key and let myself into my house. I knew that once Rocker knew everything he’d leave. He has to. Rocker wants things I can never give him. I had come to terms with the fact I’d never be a mother but now I’m angry again. Cancer has cost me so much already and now it’s cost me Rocker as well.

Once inside I shower and change into my pajamas. The doorbell rings and I assume it’s Teaganne so I open it without a second thought. Rocker stands on my porch and I forget how to speak or breathe. When he turns around to face me his eyes are full of determination. “First of all, you don’t know what I want anymore. You remember me as that high school boy with idealistic fantasies. I’ve grown up. Life has happened and things have changed. I’ve changed. I don’t want the same things I wanted then except for one...you. I want you Warbee for all of my life. If you think children are a deal breaker for me then you really don’t know me at all. If we want children that badly there are options, but I don’t need anything except for you now. I don’t need football or the fame or any of the other bullshit, I’ve spent eleven years without you, I refuse to go a day longer.” Rocker steps inside my house and pulls me into him. When his lips crash down on mine it’s overwhelming, so much so that I'm breathless and dizzy.

The door slams shut, and his hands slide down my body until they hit the back of my thighs. He yanks me up, so I have no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist. Moisture clings to my cheeks once again but this time they aren’t sad. They’re happy tears. I’m pinned between the wall and Rocker when he finally comes up for air. “Tell me you want this. Tell me you want me because if not I’ll stop right now.”

I stare into his blue eyes. The ones that held my future back then and the ones I can see a new future in now. “It’s you, Rocker. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you. I love you.”

“Thank goodness,” he says, as his mouth finds mine again. My fingers dig into his shoulders to keep myself steady. He pulls away again. “I love you, darlin’.” I have no clue where we’ll end up in the future but for now this is enough.

Hours later while Rocker is asleep next to me, I trace the tattoo on his back. It’s a lifeline and in the middle the line morphs into a football before returning back to the lifeline. It’s unusual and perfect for him. Watching him sleep brings me a peace I hadn’t expected and most certainly haven’t felt in years. I rest my hand and watch as his back rises and falls with his breathing. “I know your mama told you that it’s rude to stare.”

I giggle. “You’re awake?”

One eye opens lazily. “I’ve been awake darlin’. I was watching you sleep earlier.”

“Creeper,” I tell him playfully.

He laughs and it fills the room. “Says the girl who was randomly drawing on my back.”

“Excuse me, you already have a random drawing on your back. I was simply tracing it.” I roll over and lay on my back.

He tosses an arm over my abdomen. Rocker makes slow and lazy circles over my skin. His finger brushes lower and I feel the falter. My sharp intake of breath doesn’t help matters. The scar from the surgery. My ugly as I refer to it. I feel the overwhelming emotion, the tears build behind my eyes. “Will you talk to me about it?” he asks.

I know I can’t avoid it forever. “I will if you stop touching it.”

“Why?” he asks. Rocker’s confused look on his face is adorable.

“Because that scar is hideous and I hate the fact that you even had to see it, so I really don’t want you to feel it.”

Rocker leans up on his elbows and looks down at me. “That scar isn’t hideous. That scar represents your strength, courage and bravery Warbee. It’s beautiful because that scar is the reason, you’re alive and I’m here with you, right now. I’m so damn thankful for that scar. I love it as much as I love you. I’m thankful you have that.”

A tear slips from my eye and slides down until it hits the pillow. “How? How do you always know what to say?”

“I don’t. I just tell you what I think or how I feel. I don’t actually even consider if it’s the right thing to say or not.” He studies me. “How did you find out about the cancer? Were you in a lot of pain?”

I see the worry and guilt in his eyes. My hand reaches up and caresses his cheek. The stubble tickles the palm of my hand. He’s so grown up now. His boyish charm has grown into a swoon worthy man. “There was some pain but nothing that made me worry. I actually found out when I went for my routine checkup. The doctor wasn’t sure but wasn’t concerned by it. He assumed it was a cyst of some sort, so they took a biopsy and turns out it wasn’t just a cyst. Everything after that moved pretty quickly. I had a surgery to remove the area then some radiation and chemotherapy and almost a year later I got a clean bill of health.”

“And Kaden?” he asks. I can see the anger light up his eyes.

Shaking my head, I explain that situation. “Kaden and I had only been dating for a few months. It wasn’t that serious but when I told him I wouldn’t be able to have kids he ended things. It was probably for the best anyways. My heart could have never fully belonged to him. It only sucked at the time because I felt like it was just another blow.”

Rocker sighs, but the frustration in it has me sitting up in the bed. “I hate that you went through this alone, that I wasn’t here.”

“I didn’t go through it alone. I had my parents, Keefer and Teaganne. Keefer did everything he could to help out which was easy since we were in Atlanta and Teaganne basically uprooted her entire life in New York City to come take care of me. In her words, she could work from anywhere so why not work from beside me. I wasn’t alone at all.” This strong yet sweet man who is so concerned about me being alone six years ago only makes me love him more.

“But I was off living the high life compared to you. If I had known, I would have come home immediately.” His words are so determined and hold so much conviction.

I lace my fingers with his. “You know, when the town found out about it, they did everything they could to help. So many of them that were retired or didn’t have to work volunteered at the bakery so I could keep it open. Everyone started coming to the bakery for something and they’d all leave a larger than necessary tip. Your mom was one of the first ones to come volunteer and she asked me if I wanted you to know and I told her no.”

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