Page 13 of Autumn Leaves and Pumpkins Please

My hands itch as I stand up from the table and make my way to the blank canvas in the corner of the living room. Inspiration hits me like a tidal wave. The paints are calling my name. I grab the remote and turn on the music and lose myself in a different world until it’s time to get to work. Even from here, I can feel his eyes on me. He's hidden by the trees in his backyard, but the heat is there. Pushing the thought away I go to work on something completely different from my normal.

ELEVEN

Capri

From the moment I walked into Bee’s Batter, it has been nonstop. There were a few months where we worried about business. The Sip and Smack was new, and it seemed the owner, Fran, was out to personally take down Warbee. Thankfully, that didn’t last, but today is like no other. The closest parking space I could find was four blocks away, so I ended up parking in the alley behind the bakery, in front of Warbee. When I joined Warbee and Jolie behind the counter, I had no idea my day was going to be like this. I know Jayse and Warbee said to take it easy, but it’s not possible on a day like this.

Once we close for the night, I send Warbee and Jolie home since they both worked all day long. I could manage the clean up on my own. They both kept trying to insist on staying and helping, but it only seemed fair to me. Jolie heads out first and I pull the front door closed and lock it from the inside. Warbee studies me with worried eyes. “What?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “I just feel horrible leaving you here with a possible concussion. You’re supposed to be taking it easy, and I know today definitely didn’t fall under the category of easy.”

I release my hair from the ponytail it’s been in and shake it out. “I promise I’m okay. Jayse overreacted a bit. He was incredibly sweet, so I don’t want to be too much of a, well you know what, about it but I was fine. “

“He just always wants to help people. Ever since I have known him, that's who he’s been. I remember when we were kids...he’d go around the neighborhoods and mow lawns and rake leaves for the elderly. Jayse never charged them a dime; he just did it. The gossip musketeer's mother had always loved gardening, it’s how they all got flower names, but when she got older, and her arthritis set in she couldn’t garden anymore. She’d just sit on her porch and stare at the yard. She always looked so sad. One day, Jayse marched onto her property and started taking out all the dead flowers. She yelled at him and threatened him with her walker. It really was funny, but once he explained he was going to plant new flowers for her, she calmed down. After that, he’d show up in her yard, every year, like clockwork and plant fresh flowers for her garden.”

My heart feels like a kid rushing down the stairs on Christmas morning. The pitter patter makes no sense. “Wow.”

“Yeah, as soon as he was old enough, he volunteered at the local animal shelter. He went with his mom to the nursing homes here and surrounding areas to deliver Christmas gifts. Jayse could probably have gone to the NFL like Rocker, but he didn’t want that. He went to work at a local ranch during high school and as soon as he graduated, he signed up to become a firefighter,” Wabee explains. She pauses and her eyes get a sad look at them at the mention of Jayse’s firefighting days.

I hold up my hand to keep her from telling me his story. “I’d like to know his past. Actually, it’s killing me not knowing what he’s been through, but I want to hear it from him, when he’s ready to talk about it.”

Warbee’s head falls to the side as she studies me. “You like him, don’t you, Capri?”

There’s the million-dollar question. The answer is simple or at least it should be but it’s not an easy answer for me. Someone with my past and everything I’ve been through often has a difficult time opening up, letting someone in. I also made myself a promise not to repeat the same mistakes. Do I think Jayse is like my exes? No, I don’t, but I’ve been wrong before. “I could.”

“You could if you let yourself…” Warbee sighs, and leans over the counter. “I’ve been there in a sense. Look I don’t know your past fully, but I could probably guess some of it. I do know his past and I can tell you that under that broody, silent shell is an amazing person who is worth the shot. He seems to have taken a liking to you and for Jayse that’s huge. He hasn’t let anyone behind his walls in a long time.” Warbee stands back up and gives me a hug. She heads through the kitchen, and I follow her until she hits the back door. Before she opens it, she turns back around to me. “You deserve to be happy, too. You and Jayse have a lot of the same qualities and I think the two of you could be good for one another. Promise me you’ll just think about it.”

I nod my head. “I promise. Now, please go home and rest.” Warbee leaves and locks the door behind her. I walk back up to the front and turn on the music. It’s just too quiet without it. An hour passes and almost everything is clean. I’m in the kitchen when a sound echoes over the music and rings out through the bakery. I stop, holding my breath, and listen again. No more sounds come from the front. It could have just been my mind playing tricks on me or something as simple as a bird hitting the window. I continue cleaning up when suddenly the music goes silent. It’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Unable to breathe or make a sound, I wait. As quickly as possible, I make my way over to the counter and grab one of the knives. My heart races as I start to make my way to the wooden swinging door that separates the kitchen from the front of the bakery. I’m almost there when the lights go out. The moment the darkness takes over my heart stops. Something is wrong. Very, very wrong.

My cell phone vibrates in the front pocket of the apron I’m still wearing. I want to answer it, but I’m afraid that if someone is in fact inside the bakery with me, they will hear me. However, the annoying vibrating noise my phone is currently making is no help. The noise could easily lead someone to me as well. As the vibrating stops, I pull the phone from my pocket. Jayse’s name is on the screen. I’m torn with what to do when a text message comes through, lighting up my phone again.

Jayse:Are you okay? The power is out for most of the town, and I don’t see your car at your apartment.

My chest heaves in relief. I’m completely overreacting. I quickly dial Jayse’s number. “Capri, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m at the bakery. I thought someone was inside with me when the lights went out.” My voice shakes and wobbles. I hate how weak I sound right now. That feeling of tears pricking the back of my eyes and emotion filling my throat, making it difficult to breathe comes over me. Anxiety rises up from the pit of my stomach and storms through the rest of my body.

I hear Jayse rustling around on the end of the line. “There’s a big storm brewing. I think it might have something to do with the outage. I’m coming to get you.”

I shake my head no, but realize he can’t actually see me. “No, I’m fine. I’m almost done here then I’ll be heading home.”

“Capri, I’m still coming so just wait for me if you finish before I make it.” The line goes dead, and he is gone. My heart thunders in my chest. I turn around and grip the counter. My knuckles white from the strength behind that grip, trying to use everything within me to fight back the paralyzing anxiety I’m currently feeling. Memories come to me so quickly, I can’t distinguish what is past or present. Squeezing my eyes shut does no good, the memories just come faster. However, when I open my eyes, they are only met with darkness. My mind is lost, my soul in turmoil. I can’t find the way out. I try every breathing exercise I read about after leaving Kurt. Nothing is working.

I don’t know how long I’ve been standing here, but when there is a knock on the back door I scream. Startled and scared. Slowly, and on wobbly legs, I make my way to the door. “Capri? Are you there?” I hear Jayse call out. His deep voice muffled from the metal door standing between us. Yanking it open I feel the burst of ice-cold air rushing in. Jayse stands there looking like my hero. Without thinking, I rush into his arms. His body is warm compared to the air moving around us. A strangled sob breaks free from my chest. I have no idea where it comes from, but Jayse just pulls me tighter against him. One hand gently rubs circles on my back and the other is wrapped around the back of my neck, securing me. At this moment, I feel protected and that’s something I’ve never felt before. “It’s okay, Bright Eyes, I’m here.”

Sometime later the tears stop, the anxiety subsides, and I step away from Jayse’s embrace. Completely embarrassed I start to move around the kitchen cleaning up the rest of the stuff I haven’t gotten to yet. Jayse stands in the doorway. I don’t look at him, but I can feel his eyes on me. “Talk to me.”

I shake my head. “There’s nothing to say.”

“I’m going to call that a lie right now. There’s definitely something to say.”

Anger burns in my belly. I have no good reason to be angry at Jayse but he’s the only one here and anger is rarely rational. “Really? If you have so much to say, then why don’t you talk?”

He steps inside, his large size eating up a good portion of the distance I had put between us. The heavy metal door slams shut. I nearly jump out of my skin as it rings out in the dark and silence. “I know you deserve the answers to every question you have, but I’m not ready.”

“Maybe I wasn’t either.”

Jayse pinches the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t ask you to share anything with me. You volunteered that information, and yes, I’m beyond thankful for the strength you showed by doing that, but I’m not there yet.”

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