Page 15 of Autumn Leaves and Pumpkins Please

I turn back to look at her now. I’m unable to ignore that invisible pull to her. “It’s because you see me one way. I am the person you see me as sometimes, but it’s not all there is to me.”

Capri steps forward. She stands toe-to-toe with me and her big green eyes look up at me. “I know there is more to you, but I don’t think that any of that would make me see you differently. I’ve watched you these past few years and I think I know you better than you think I do. Besides, we all have a past. We’ve all made decisions we aren’t necessarily proud of, but I'll never judge a person based on that alone. There is more to a person than those few moments of weakness or failure.”

My chest tightens. Lungs constrict. Emotion mixes with the blood in my veins confusing my head. I sway slightly on my feet almost as if the world has just tilted. Maybe it has. Everything with Capri is different so maybe she did tilt my world. Slowly, she raises a hand to rest on my cheek. Her eyes are open and honest. “I don’t know where you came from,” I admit quietly.

She gives me a teasing smile. “From all over really.”

I lean forehead against hers. “Very funny.”

Capri shrugs her shoulders. “I thought so.”

“I’m pretty damn sure I don’t deserve you or an ounce of your understanding, but I’m a weak man when it comes to you and I’m going to take it.”

The quick intake of breath doesn’t go unnoticed by me. I caught her off guard. “Good, I want you to.” Her voice is slightly breathless when she replies. Her green eyes light up with something I haven’t seen in a long time. My lips find hers as we devour one another as if it’s our last day on Earth and this is our dying wish.

THIRTEEN

Capri

I wake up to the smell of canned Chicken Chow Mein. My stomach grumbles like I didn’t feed it yesterday, which I did, more than normal. As I roll over, I find the other spot of the bed is cold. Jayse has been out of it longer than just to cook the food we had forgotten about last night. Sitting up I take in his room. Surprisingly, it’s clean and neat. I’m used to the type of guys who throw everything on the floor and never clean anything, then again Jayse doesn’t have someone to go around and pick up after him. I pull the sheet tighter around my body. Last night had been...amazing but now I’m wondering how big of a mistake I just made. He won’t tell me about his past, he’s still so guarded and I made a promise to myself that I obviously just broke. Did I just make a huge mistake?

My head and heart are at war once again. My heart, the traitor that it is, believes I made the right decision. It’s possible that it’s correct. Jayse has changed a good bit in the past few days. I’ve been going through what memories I have of him since I moved to Blue Ridge and in every one, he’s sullen and broody, never smiling, guarded and withdrawn from those around him. I still wish he’d open up to me more, but my heart believes he will after we spend more time with one another. I do know that he’s never had a woman spend the night with him. He’s home every night. Do I think he’s perfect? No, I’m sure he’s not, but I don’t think he’s a bad guy either.

My head on the other hand is telling me how foolish I am. I let my guard down with yet another man. Regret and disappointment is already settling in my gut. No matter how I try to push it away it doesn’t leave. I betrayed myself and the promise I made to myself years ago. Was it a mistake? It could have been, but I really hope it wasn’t. Jayse, seems more sincere than any other guy I’ve met, but then Kurt comes to mind. I can still picture him so vividly. He had seemed to be kind, patient, understanding and as if he truly loved me. Come to find out he was none of those things. He was cruel, vengeful, controlling and he didn’t love me at all.

Jayse appears in the doorway. A pair of navy-blue basketball shorts hanging low on his hips. Shirtless the scars that cover at least half of his right-side torso and all of his right arm and shoulder are visible. The moonlight coming in from the blinds seems to illuminate that marred skin. He leans one arm against the frame of the doorway. “Oh good, you’re awake.”

I try to smile, but I know it’s failing miserably. “Yeah, I am.”

“Are you alright?” he asks, concern is easily heard in his voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie through my teeth, as my stomach churns and rolls with nausea. Once again, I try to smile at him. His eyebrows knit together in confusion.

He definitely doesn’t believe me as he nods his head. He’s going to accept what I’m saying but his body language tells me everything I need to know. “Well, I woke up and I was starving so I made us the canned Chicken Chow Mein.” I watch as he walks over to the dresser directly across from the bed. He opens a drawer, pulls something out and turns back around to face me. A shirt lands at my feet. “There’s something clean you can wear if you don’t want to get completely dressed.”

I don’t get to say thank you before he leaves the room. I pull on the oversized t-shirt and make my way to the kitchen. My stomach grumbles as if it hasn’t had food in days. “That smells really good.”

“Thanks,” he says, glancing over his shoulder. He stops stirring the pan in front of him and releases a low whistle of appreciation. “Well, if I knew you were going to make my shirt look that good, I might have tried to get you into one sooner.”

The blush heats my cheeks as I shake my head. “You’re being silly.”

Jayse places a plate in front of me. “I’m being honest.” He leans down and lightly brushes his lips against mine. I can either sink or swim. It’s now or never. A decision needs to be made. If I sink, I sink into him and whatever this is between us. If I swim, I’m running again. Not looking back at what’s left behind, only moving forward. One of his hands tangles in my hair and I sink. I sink so fast I feel like an anchor in a bottomless ocean. When he pulls away his smile is so large that his gray eyes crinkle in the corners. “I’ll never get enough of that.” He kisses the tip of my nose and moves away, making his own plate of food before sitting across from me. After a few bites, he looks up at me with curious eyes. “Are you okay?”

My head bobs up and down. “Yeah, of course, why?”

He lays his fork next to his plate and studies me. “You’ve been acting... different ever since I came into the room, and you were awake.”

“I haven’t,” I reply, too quickly, too defensively.

I watch as his eyebrows arch up. “You have. Do you mind letting me in on what’s going on?”

A heavy sigh escaped me. “I just broke a promise.”

“To whom?” he asks.

My eyes move to scan the dining room and kitchen area. “To myself,” I finally admit.

“Okay, Bright Eyes. I’m still not following. I need more of an explanation.”

---