Page 19 of Autumn Leaves and Pumpkins Please

I had a plan to keep my distance, but like all my plans...it fell through the cracks. At this point, I don’t even know what I’m doing or what promises I’m breaking. I just know that the biggest part of me wants to be near Jayse. I want to be the one to comfort him because right now I feel like that’s what he needs most. New energy courses through my veins and I rush around cleaning everything up. Forty-three minutes later, I step out of the back door of the bakery and into my car. I send a quick text to let him know I’m on my way.

SIXTEEN

Jayse

The wind makes its way through my denim jacket, freezing me to my core. Memories come to mind, but I push them away, now isn’t the time or place to take a ride down memory lane. I need to save it until Capri meets me. As I make my way to the cemetery, I drive past Bushels of Fun. It’s not as busy as it has been. I think the sudden drop in temperature may have something to do with it.

The black intricately designed iron gates of the cemetery are closed. I park the bike and climb off before heading in the direction of the gates. Right after the fire, I’d come here so often, looking back I feel almost pathetic. I’d scale the cement brick wall that doubled a fence most nights. I’m actually surprised as I look back that I didn’t break any bones. Anyways, one night Isaac, the grounds keeper, found me trying to climb my way over the wall. He helped me down and showed me the trick to opening the gates. When I asked him why he got a faraway look in his eye. “I’ve lost someone, too. I know what you’re looking for. You won’t find it here, but that’s something you’ll have to realize on your own. In the meantime, I’d rather see you on this side of the dirt.” After that, he had turned around and walked away.

Learning the trick to the gate was perfect. It definitely made coming into the cemetery easier. However, after meeting Isaac his words constantly stayed with me. Every night, under the moonlight I would sneak in here, but I didn’t feel so alone anymore. His words seeped further and further into my soul until I finally realized they were true. With that realization, I started to come to the cemetery less and less. Things within me slowly started to heal some. I knew the guilt, regret, and hurt would never fully go away, not that I even wanted it to. The way I saw it, I had failed, and I deserved the weight of what I felt.

With the gate left open for Capri, I climb back onto the bike and drive towards the headstone I know like the back of my hand. The one that haunts my every thought. When I come to a stop, I take a moment to take a deep breath and collect myself. The pricking at the back of my eyes causes me to squeeze them shut, fighting off the tears I can feel coming. I sit on the back of the bike while I wait for Capri to arrive. About half an hour later headlights flooded the darkened area. As I turn around, I see Capri’s Chevy Sonic slowly making its way down through the cemetery. I climb off the back of my bike as she comes to a stop. She looks uncertain as she climbs out of the car. Her seafoam green eyes scan the area around us. “This place is closed. Should we be here?” she whispers.

“Why are you whispering?” I ask.

She looks around again before shrugging her shoulders. “It seems like a place you should. You know, rest in peace, and all that. It’s so quiet that it’s either borderline peaceful or eerie, depending on how you look at it. You still didn't answer my question.”

“Well, the answer to your question is part of this long story, but to give a brief answer the cemetery is closed but I know the grounds keeper so it’s okay to be here.” I start to move down the row of headstones. Moving on autopilot. I come to a stop and Capri stops a few steps behind me. I know the moment she notices the headstone in front of us, because she intakes a sharp breath. The recognition hits her and me. I wasn’t expecting to feel the flood of emotions by bringing Capri here. Bradee and Samuel Lyon are engraved into the stone. My heart sinks every time I read their names permanently etched into the stone, but forever gone from this world.

“I don’t understand…” Capri says quietly.

I sigh before diving into the story that made me who I am today. “Bradee and I grew up on the same street. She was my best friend. Everywhere one of us went the other was never far behind. When we got to school, we had all the same classes. It was that typical story of best friends falling in love and living happily ever after. Except we didn’t. I don’t know how much you know about my past and football career, but before Rocker Gordon made this town proud, it was supposed to be me. I had a full ride scholarship to a college of my choice to play football. I’d be on the fast track to the NFL in no time, but then Bradee got sick. It turns out that Bradee wasn’t sick, but she was pregnant. That changed everything. I know a lot of people probably thought I was just doing what was right by Bradee, but I loved her, and I loved the idea of being a father. It didn’t bother me at all to leave football behind. Instead of going off to college we graduated high school, got married, I became a firefighter, and we had Sam. He was the perfect little boy with his mom’s red hair and freckles and my gray eyes.” I have to stop as emotion crawls up my throat, making it difficult to breathe or talk. Capri steps closer to me and wraps a hand around my elbow, rubbing her thumb slowly up and down the inside. It’s soothing. “We had just bought a cute one story, three-bedroom house. We just barely got moved in before Halloween. We were excited to spend the holidays in the house we planned to call home for many years. It was early December, a big snowstorm rolled in and the temperatures dropped well below freezing. I was at the station when the call came through. The minute I heard the address through the scanner, my heart stopped. Nothing in my body worked properly. It felt like I was standing outside in the middle of the snowstorm without anything on to protect my body. To this day, I don’t know how I managed to get onto the truck. The storm had made getting to our house on the outskirts of town incredibly hard and time-consuming. By the time we made it to the outskirts of town where the house was, the smoke clouded the air, and the flames were dancing in the night sky. We all knew from the call that Bradee and Sam were trapped. The rest of the team tried to get me to stay, but I rushed forward and into the house. Everything I had ever learned; all my training went right out the window. The only thing that mattered was getting to them. I did freeze though. When I first walked inside, I froze. I had been in fires before, but it was nothing like seeing the inside of your home being eaten up by flames. All the memories, all of our belongings...just gone.”

Capri tenses beside me and I know she can probably guess how this is probably going to end. My voice has become thick with emotion. “I’ll always wonder if that pause is what caused them to die. I moved forward and every door was open except the master bedroom. As I reached for the door, the roof came down. I don’t remember much after that except waking up in the hospital and being told I had third degree burns on a third of my body. I didn’t care about myself. My only thought was Bradee and Sam. When I asked and everyone looked uncomfortable, I knew but I needed to hear it. Finally, my dad stepped forward and explained that when the roof collapsed, they had become trapped under the burning wood, and they passed away before anyone was able to reach them.”

Tears are steaming silently down my face. I didn’t even realize I had been crying until I stopped talking. Capri is, too, based on her sniffling. She wraps her arms around my waist almost as if she’s trying to piece me back together. She doesn’t say anything, but then again what is there to say? Capri knows there is nothing she can say to fix any of it, so she just holds onto me which might be exactly what I need.

SEVENTEEN

Capri

In the middle of the night when I wake up, heat floods me. I attempt to kick my sheets off, but a heavy weight is on top of me making it impossible to move the sheets. The more awake I become, the more the events from last night return to me. Jayse’s confession weighs heavily on my chest. My heart shatters for him because I can’t even begin to imagine what he must have felt in those moments. The fear and grief of knowing your family is trapped and may not survive. It’s horrible enough to think about the amount of grief he must carry around with him daily over the situation. I’m sure he can’t escape his own mind, but to be as permanently scarred on the outside as you are on the inside...that’s a heavy burden to carry.

Everything is starting to make sense now. The way everyone in town reacted to the two of us being seen with one another. I highly doubt that he’s spent time in public with another person since the night of the fire. He believes the town blames him, but I have a feeling he’s wrong. Blue Ridge views every resident as family. The night of the fire they lost two members, almost three. Something tells me that I’m sure they are glad he survived and, like me, they know he did everything he could to save Bradee and Sam.

We stayed in the cemetery for far too long. It was nearly one in the morning when we left. I led us out with Jayse following behind me the whole trip. We only stopped once and that was so Jayse could lock the gates of the cemetery back up. We didn’t hit a single red light and there was no traffic. It was quiet and quick, but nerves wracked my body. I wasn’t sure what to expect when we arrived at our homes. As I parked, so did Jayse. His motorcycle was directly behind my car. I gathered my belongings, but before I was finished Jayse was there, opening my door. Silence settled between us, but it wasn’t awkward. It was more of a quiet understanding. I now understood him and why he was tortured and closed off from the world around him. I’m shocked that we have managed as much as we have.

One of his arms is tossed over my abdomen, his head resting on my shoulder. Right now, he seems at peace. There is no broody facial expression, no pinch of his eyes or fake smile on his lips. I hope that when he wakes, I find this same version because I understand him now. Slowly, I reach out and run one of my hands through his soft locks. He mumbles and snuggles deeper into me. The roughness of his growing beard scratches at my skin.

As I lie in bed staring at the ceiling, I can’t help the feeling of contentment that washes over me. All of my life I’ve been running, searching for something to bring me that inner peace. Is it possible that Jayse is what I was searching for? Both of us have had difficult pasts, to say the least, but if we can overcome those together, then we might possibly have a chance at a future together. Thora jumps onto the bed. Jayse stirs some before popping open one eye. A lopsided smile appears on his face. “Hi, Bright Eyes.”

I don’t even try to fight the smile that pulls at my mouth. “Hey,” I whisper into the dark.

Jayse leans up, resting on one elbow. His other hand runs through my hair. “I never thought this was possible.”

My head turns so that I can press a light kiss into the palm of his hand. “That makes two of us. This feeling is odd for me, but it’s what I’ve always been looking for.”

His stormy gray eyes get sad. “I had it, but I never believed I’d find it again. I didn’t think it was possible to get that lucky twice in my life. You’re different. You always have been. From the moment I saw you when you were moving in here, I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

I run a hand through his hair. “I believe that souls can find each other without our knowledge. Maybe, that’s what this is. Our souls recognized each other before we truly did.”

A small, thoughtful smile appears on his face, and he leans down and presses a kiss to my lips. I’m not sure if he means for it to become more but it does.

Hours later, I wake up to Thora snuggled under my chin and the rest of my bed empty and cold. A piece of paper was lying on my nightstand with Jayse’s messy script running across it.

Capri:I hated to leave but I had to get some work done. I’ll see you soon, bright eyes.

The smile on my face was contagious as I got up and ready for work.

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