Page 23 of Autumn Leaves and Pumpkins Please

Jayse

After I finish up with Everett, I head over to my parents' house. When I pull up to the one story, white and black house I notice Whitney’s car is already in the driveway. As I climb out of my truck, the smell of BBQ fills the air. I take a deep breath and breathe it in. My stomach instantly growls with hunger. For whatever reason, I grab my cell phone and send a quick text to Capri to tell her I’m having lunch with my family, and I hope she’s having a good day.

As I head towards the front door, my phone alerts me of an incoming text message. When I open it, I see she’s having a spa day with Warbee and Teaganne. There is a picture attached of the three of them, all in fluffy white robes. I chuckle and save the picture to my phone. “Well, someone certainly has my baby boy smiling.” My mom’s voice seems to come out of thin air. I didn’t even realize she was waiting for me behind the screen door. I look up and she smiles.

“Hi, Mama.” She opens the door for me and pulls me into her arms. She’s a tiny lady with a gray pixie cut and big gray eyes. “How are you?”

She gives me a huge smile, the one that causes the wrinkles around her eyes to appear. “I’m better now that we’re all here together. Come on in.”

The house I grew up in is modest in comparison to a lot of the homes in Blue Ridge. Lots of money floats around this small mountain town. My childhood home is a three bedroom, two bath, fourteen hundred square foot place of bliss for me. It’s always been my safe haven. A few years ago, my dad, Everett, and I completely redid the inside and outside. It looks like a new, up-to-date house, but it still feels like home. My mom and I head through the house to the backyard. The deck-like porch is a summertime oasis, but in this case, we’ll call it an autumn oasis. There’s a slight chill in the air, but with the heat from the grill it seems just right. Whitney is sitting back, relaxing with a glass of sweet tea in hand. “Hey there, big brother,” she calls out. My father looks over his shoulder at me. “There’s my boy.”

I smile, wave and greet them all. It’s painfully obvious that I don’t come around often enough. I always make sure to check on them and if they need me, I drop everything to be here, but I need to be better about actually coming by. Every time I do I feel guilty about their excitement of actually showing up. “Do y’all need help with anything else? Sorry, I’m a little late. Everett got my wood supply in, and we had to unload.”

“How is Everett?” Whitney asks. A blush fills her cheeks, and she quickly adverts her eyes from me which leads me to wonder what that’s all about. Everett spent years smitten with Whitney, but she never seemed interested. Now it seems that something might have changed with them. I know Everett said Whitney and he had been talking, but it definitely seems like they might have something going on.

After studying her for a few moments I reply, “He seems well. Just busy juggling the store and Cayley.” Whitney nods her head but doesn’t reply after that. “How’s the fishing been, Dad?”

My dad looks over his shoulder and smiles at me. It’s mischievous which must mean it’s been good. “This time of the year seems to be the best time for me to fish. I catch more than what I need most days. Must be something in the air.” My dad catches fish and then tosses them back in. For all he knows it might be the same fish he keeps catching, but I don’t have the heart to tell him that. “The ribs are ready,” he announces. I get up from my chair and head over to help him carry them to the table. One lonely hamburger bun sits on the plate.

“I see you still won’t touch ribs,” I tease Whitney.

She shrugs and scrunches up her nose. “It’s weird.”

“How is eating ribs any weirder than eating a hamburger?”

Whitney huffs. “I don’t know, it just is. You shouldn’t be so judgmental, Mister.”

My head falls back in laughter. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.” I place a rack of ribs on each plate before placing Whitney’s hamburger on the last. As I hand it to her, I tell her, “Here is you’re not so weird hamburger.”

She takes the plate while mumbling “shut up” at me. I laugh and take a seat next to my mom. She pats my hand. She still smells of lilac and her skin is just as soft as ever. She’s always just how I remember. “So, are you going to tell us about the girl?”

Choking on the sip of sweet tea I had just taken; I work to clear my throat. My mom pats me on the back until it clears up. “What?” I ask.

“The girl...Capri is her name, right?” My mother eyes me expectantly.

I’m just about to pretend I don’t know what she’s talking about when Dad chimes in. “Don’t even bother denying it. I ran into Isaac, and he told me about your midnight outing with her. It seems like this could become something serious if you’re taking her to the cemetery so we felt like we should know about her.”

So, this is why Whitney had asked me to come here for lunch. Whitney gives me an apologetic smile. I sigh. “Yes, her name is Capri. Yes, I’m sure it could get serious, but that doesn’t mean it will.”

“Why not?” my mother asks. “Don’t you like her?”

Images of Capri flash through my mind like a slideshow. “Yes, very much so.”

“Then what’s the problem?” she asks again.

I meet all three of their eyes. I know they mean well, but right now I really want to leave. I’m not ready for these types of conversations. “Y’all know what the problem is. Why did you go to all the trouble of fixing lunch if it was basically an intervention?”

“Son, it’s not an intervention unless you're on drugs, which we can discuss that, too,” my dad says, as he wipes barbeque sauce from his mouth.

Shaking my head, I stand up abruptly. Anxiety, guilt, and grief mix within my body causing my legs to itch with the need to run. My mom stands up next to me. Her hand wrapping around my scarred elbow. “Please, let it go. You’re closing off again. I miss that smile I saw when you were coming up to the door. That was my boy.”

I start to shake my head again. The denial is always on the tip of my tongue in these moments, but Whitney stops me. “You took Capri to the cemetery and told her about Bradee and Sam, right?” I nod my head. “You’ve been spending time with her on a regular basis, right?” Again, I nod my head. “You care about her more than you are willing to admit right now, right?” I don’t move. I just stand there staring down at my plate of untouched food. “You’re moving on like you’re supposed to. You’re doing exactly what Bradee would have wanted and it’s the same thing you would have wanted for her if it had been you that died in that fire, and she had survived. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you’re feeling.”

“Bradee was supposed to be my forever. I can’t just forget her,” I say quietly. I hate how sad and broken my voice sounds right now, but it feels as if there is a knife twisting around in my gut.

My dad clears his throat. “You will never forget her. None of us will. She was a part of this family and loved by every one of us. They both were but keeping yourself isolated from everyone is not doing her memory justice. Bradee loved life and she lived it to the fullest. She didn’t hide away from the world. Make her proud, Jayse. Be the man she fell in love with to begin with.”

Those words make me take a moment and think. He’s right, as hard as that is to admit, he is. I loved Bradee and Sam with every fiber of my being, but how I have been living is the last thing she’d want for me. We talked about it throughout the years, what we would want the other to do if something happened to us. We were both adamant about moving on and living life and finding love again. At the time, I just agreed to her terms because I couldn't picture my life with anyone but her, but now Capri is a game changer.

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