Page 6 of Autumn Leaves and Pumpkins Please

My apartment feels too quiet without his presence now. It’s an odd feeling. Once the table is cleaned up, I head over to my art corner, inspiration hitting me. Jayse is front and center of the inspiration, but when I reach my easel, I realize I left my new canvases in the backseat of my car last night with all the commotion going on. I head upstairs to shower and get dressed before I head down to grab the canvases. As I’m in the shower, I decide to try and wash my hair without irritating the cut. Somehow, I manage to get it done. While I’m combing through my hair, I notice how faded my color is.I meant to get a new hair dye while I was in Atlanta yesterday but I got sidetracked in the art supply store. I never made it to the beauty supply store.

When I started dying my hair bright, off the wall colors it was to calm my soul. A part of me felt like everything had been out of my control. My series of bad decisions had left me feeling at the mercy of every other person in the world. I hated that feeling so I needed something I felt I was in control of. At the time, it was the only thing I could think of to do to give me the feeling of being in control. Now, I look at it, an older, wiser version of myself and I see something that I feel is silly. I’ve grown into my own person. I stand on my own two feet. I don’t need anyone to complete me like I had thought once upon a time. That sense of control is something I feel daily without the crazy hair color. Could it be time for a change?

After I throw my hair into a messy bun, I slip on a pair of glasses and some clothes. Grabbing my keys, as I head out the door and down to my car. To my surprise Jayse is still here. He’s humming along to an old country song playing throughout the bottom floor. It makes me smile as I head out to my car. Getting the canvases in and out of my car always seems to be a bit of a task but eventually I get them. When I turned around, I yelp in surprise. Jayse is standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame, wiping his greasy hands on a rag. A chunk of hair has slipped out of his ponytail, hiding a good portion of his face. “What are you up to, Bright Eyes?”

“You mean other than having a heart attack?”

One corner of his mouth quirks up in a smirk. “You know if you were actually taking it easy like you were told to do, then you wouldn’t have a heart attack.”

I cross my arms over my chest and lean back against my car. “I assumed all of Blue Ridge knew I rarely do what I’m told to do. Granted, it’s probably caused more issues in my life than I need, but it’s still true.”

He pushes away from the door frame and closes the distance between us. “Are these going up?”

“Yeah, but I can carry them.”

“Take. It. Easy.” Jayse turns away from me, the mint from his breath mixed with the coffee makes me sway on my feet. It’s intoxicating. He gathers the canvases in his arms and heads inside. I scurry to catch back up with him. He marches inside, heading straight for my art corner. Briefly, he reaches out and pets Thora. “Hey there, Thora.” Once he’s placed the canvases in the corner, he turns back towards me. “Anything else you need?”

I shake my head. “Nope, I’m good. Thank you.”

Jayse smirks as he passes me. “You are welcome Bright Eyes. Now, take it easy.” I roll my eyes, but he’s already out the door.

About an hour later, I gather my stuff and headed downstairs. I’m shocked to still hear Jayse banging away on the washer. Instead of heading for my car I head towards the laundry room. Bad decision. A shirtless, sweating Jayse is lying on the floor in all of his glory. I can’t see his face because it’s hidden by the washer. I’m pretty sure I’m drooling on the floor. Shaking my head, I nudge his thigh with my foot. He pops his head out. Jayse’s gray eyes survey me. I don’t miss the pause he gives when he sees my purse and keys in hand. “Are you planning on being here all day?”

He cocks his head to the side. “I’m not sure. It looks like it might be a while. I’m going to see if Everett has the parts I need before going over to Atlanta. Why?”

I shrug my shoulders. “I was going to see if you would want lunch. I’m heading out and it’ll be a bit before I’m back, but I can bring us lunch when I get back, you know kind of a thank you for last night.”

Jayse sits up. “And where do you think you’re going?” My eyebrows shoot up at the question. He has no right to ask that. I don’t belong to him. As if he can read my mind, he holds up his hands in surrender and says, “I only ask because you are supposed to be taking it easy. Plus, driving isn’t really recommended when you have any form of concussion.”

“Oh please, I’m fine,” I huff out with a roll of my eyes. “I’m just going to Chop Chop to get my hair done.”

“That’s perfect. I’ll drive,” he says, as he steps around me, grabbing his shirt off his toolbox. He pulls it over his impressive torso which I’m sad to see go. He goes over to the sink in the corner of the room and washes his hands and splashes water on his face, drying off with a paper towel. When he turns around, he smiles. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“You can’t be serious.”

Jayse smirks and the butterflies take flight in my stomach. I don’t think I’ve seen him smile this much the entire time I’ve been in Blue Ridge. “Oh, I’m serious, Bright Eyes.” He steps around me. I follow behind him and watch as he unhooks his keys from his belt loop. Once he’s out the door, he moves past my car and starts to cross the alley. I stop because I think he’s overreacting. When he doesn’t hear me following, he stops and turns back around. “I said I’d drive.”

“And I said I was fine.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Stop being stubborn.”

My turn to smirk. “Stop overreacting.”

“Do you think I’m overreacting, Capri?” I nod my head but the look in his eyes causes my heart to stutter. His smirk grows into a wolfish grin and the next thing I know he is purposefully striding towards me. His long legs eating up the ground between us. When he reaches me, he doesn't hesitate for even a second before bending down and scooping me up in his arms. I scream in surprise. “This is what overreacting looks like. I was trying to be reasonable, but clearly you don’t take well to that. Also, I would have flipped you over my shoulder, but considering you have a concussion, it’s not the best idea,” I huff and he chuckles as he carries me across the alley, through his backyard, and to his truck. The whole time I act like I’m upset, but really, I can’t escape the feeling of how right he feels.

SIX

Jayse

Cleaning up the water on the bottom floor of Capri’s building took longer than I anticipated. By the time I get home, I was drenched, from water or sweat, I’m not totally sure. Heading straight for the shower I turn it on full blast and strip down to nothing. The steady stream washes the day away, but I notice that unfamiliar feeling in my chest still lingers. The last thing I expected was for this feeling to reappear. It’s been absent for years. Nothing but a hole and echo where my heart once was but it’s almost as if I can feel it beating again. Once the house is locked up, I climb in between the cool sheets of my bed with the intention of getting some sleep. However, almost two hours later and I’m still lying in bed, wide awake, watching the ceiling fan rotate above. I can never sleep in complete silence, so I leave the ceiling fan running at night.

Capri’s side comments haunt me and every time I close my eyes, I see her sincere, seafoam green eyes. It’s obvious she’s been through more than her fair share of things. Clearly, she’s been hurt before, but that thought is unimaginable to me. How anyone could hurt her...well, it makes my blood boil. Anger is a faithful friend of mine these days, but it’s hitting a new level thinking about what she could have possibly been through, how she might have been treated.

Eventually, sleep finds me, but it’s once again plagued by nightmares. Only the recurring nightmare has morphed. Capri is trapped in a ring of fire, begging me to help her, to save her, but I’m unable to move. I’m paralyzed by the fear, anxiety and guilt that lives within my body. Her voice is hoarse from the smoke she’s taken in and the emotion in her voice is overwhelming. My heart tells me to move forward, to place one foot in front of the other and get to her, to save her. Redeem myself, but my brain has me frozen in place in the middle of an inferno.

Once again, I sit up in my bed, tangled in the sheets. My anxiety at an all-time high, the sheet feels like flames closing in on me, suffocating me from the inside out the way smoke does. I struggle to free myself, once I’m free I stumble out of the bed and my knees hit the floor. Leaning forward I rest my head on the cool wood floor beneath me. My chest feels like there is an elephant sitting on top of it. I struggle to clear my head enough to do the breathing exercises my therapist taught me years ago. Panic grows, constricting the movement of my lungs. Breaths come out in tiny gasps and my head swims in dizziness. This is exactly why I don’t let anyone new into my life. This is why I keep my distance at all costs. My nightmares seem to be a forever thing for me, but when it changes...that’s not something I’m prepared for.

After some time, everything slows down, the breathing exercises work, and my world turns back to normal. I crawl from my spot on the floor to the chair that sits in the corner of the room. The leather is cool to my skin, and I sigh in relief after the first deep breath, I managed to take. Why had Capri shown up in the damn nightmare? It’s ridiculous the way the mind can turn things around.

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