Page 37 of Pit Stop

Twenty-Eight

Odette

I feel ridiculous. My emotions have been nothing but a roller coaster lately and I feel like every time Tillman sees me, they are at an all-time high. I can’t believe I literally just cried into his t-shirt, not my finest moment I admit. Embarrassment floods me and I can feel as my body starts to curl in on itself, attempting to make me as small as possible in hopes that I won’t be seen. Heat fills my cheeks as an embarrassed flush makes its way. As if he can sense my distress, Tillman turns down the radio but he doesn’t say anything.

It's silly to be embarrassed around him honestly. Apparently, I’ve developed a small school-girl crush which will go nowhere so there’s no point in dwelling. So what, if Tillman has seen me at a few of my lowest times so far? So what, if he just dropped close to two hundred dollars on replacing clothes for me since Lyle ruined the others? The thing that bothers me most is the fact that I think he feels like I’m some sort of damsel in distress that he needs to come to my rescue. That’s the last thing I normally am, but lately my rescue quota has been through the roof. Under normal circumstances I'm a self-sufficient woman who knows how to take care of herself. Lyle just tore down a lot of my self-esteem these past few months. I think he knew I had to stay, and he took advantage of it. Tillman probably thinks I’m immature and pathetic, not that I can blame him.

“Where are we going? This isn’t the way to the hotel.”

Tillman glances at me and smiles, lopsided and like the boy next door. Despite my better judgement, my heart does a little extra pitter-patter just for him. I should have given up on the male species except for Odin a while ago, yet here I am. “I thought I’d show you something else before we head back.” His comment lingers in the air and my curiosity rises. I sit back and let him drive us wherever we are going. However, I start to notice how many times he checks the rearview mirror almost as if he’s expecting something to pop up. Eventually he pulls along the side of a sidewalk. I get out and he meets me. “I was coming to open the door.”

“You don’t have to do it every time.” He studies me for a moment, clearly uncertain what to make of the information I just told him.

Finally, he shakes his head, dismissing the idea. “In my world I do, so next time wait in the car until I open the door, please.”

As much as I hate feeling like a damsel in distress, I have to admit I love his old-fashioned gentleman ways. It makes my body react funny. He also asked really nicely so I nod my head. “Okay, I will. Now, where are we?”

“One of my spots,” his voice sounds distant as he looks around him, taking in the worn-out park area.

I feel the need to lighten the mood, so I bump into him in a playful manner. “You have spots?”

His chest heaves with a deep breath before he shrugs his large shoulders. “I used to, but not the kind of spots you’re thinking of.”

“Okay... what’s going on?”

We walk towards the swing set and have a seat. I start to move back and forward slightly. “I thought I should explain my reaction to what happened at Finders Keepers.”

“You don’t have to,” I tell him with a shake of my head. It’s not that I’m not curious about who he is and what he’s been through because I’m so curious, but I don’t want him to feel like he has to share something he’s not ready to.

Tillman doesn’t move his swing, but he stands up and steps over the swing, so he’ll be facing me now. “I used to sleep here.”

“On the swings? That seems dangerous,” I reply with a laugh.

He looks over at me and smiles. There’s a sadness underneath it. “No, not on the swings.” I watch as he points towards the small tree area. I remember as a kid when Onyx and I told Odin they were haunted. We had to come up with a story about an evil witch who lived inside, and she liked to collect the bones of little boys. After that, Odin would always stay far away from the trees. One day some of his friends dared him to go and he started to. Onyx dashed inside and did a witch cackle that sent Odin in the other direction. It was funny to watch, but of course we felt bad afterwards and told him the truth. “Those trees gave just enough coverage from rain or people passing by.”

“Why though?” I find myself asking, unable to keep the question in.

Tillman looks over at me and shrugs his shoulders. “You know some of those stories you hear about the foster care system and the families that take them in? The ones where they only foster the kids for the government check that comes along? Well, it’s not always true, I’m sure of that but for me it was.”

My heart breaks to think of a cute little Tillman with bright blue eyes and dark as night hair being in the system, unwanted. I can’t even imagine. “You were in foster care?”

“Yeah, for about ten years. My dad killed my mom, he went to prison and I went into the system. I got moved from place to place but none of them were very good. Most didn’t care where you were as long as you were there when the case worker came in and stayed out of their hair the rest of the time. Luckily, I had a friend who was like a brother and his family became like my family. A lot of the time all I had to eat was at school unless my friend, Axell’s, family fed me, but they were a large family and I didn’t like to put a lot of strain on them. They even tried to foster me, but the system wouldn’t let them because their house wasn’t large enough and a list of bullshit excuses. Anyways, in order to stay out of the way, I’d sleep here unless it started raining. I was hungry and desperate, so I tried to steal some little individually wrapped cakes from the market by the hotel.”

I gasp because considering the location of the market I’m sure it belonged to the SK. “You got caught,” I say.

Tillman bobs his head up and down, a slight smirk on his face. “I did. I was so hungry I didn’t even care but Emmet saw an opportunity and pounced. Next thing I knew I was in the SK. For someone like me, coming from where I came from, I felt lucky as hell. Money, a roof over my head, whatever I wanted to eat. It seemed like a dream come true, but it was really just too good to be true.”

My mind is racing trying to figure out where he’s going with this. I can’t say I blame him though for his time with the SK. Now that I know his past it makes sense. Take a kid from the streets with nothing and basically no one and suddenly you’re offering everything to them on a silver platter, of course they’ll jump. Just about anyone would. “That’s not where the story ends, is it?”

“Nope, it’s not that simple. Things were good for a while. Decker and I got more responsibility, but it was never anything really illegal or even scary, then Emmet got killed on a drug run gone bad and Boris took over. Things got dark, real dark, for us and the SK after that. He was a greedy man. Lots of blood spilled and lives lost because of him.” He stops talking and it seems like the next part is too much to tell. He stands up and walks towards the trees. I leave him be for a few before I join him. He turns around when he hears me approaching. His eyes seem lost in a faraway place.

“You don’t have to tell me any more. I appreciate you telling me, but if it’s too difficult you can stop.”

He sighs heavily. “It’s not that it’s difficult. I’m just trying to decide if it’s safe to tell you all of it.”

“Safe?” I ask. A sinking feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. Somehow, I knew from the moment I met him that his past was going to be dark but now I’m wondering just how dark it goes.

He steps towards me, a hand reaching out and tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “Yeah, I’ve seen a lot. I’ve done a lot. All of it is in the past but the past does have a way of sneaking up and reappearing on ya.” His touch is so light and gentle, and it lights my entire body on fire. I lean into it. No matter what he’s seen or done I can’t shake that feeling of safety with him, of feeling like this is exactly where I belong. It’s crazy but it’s true. Tillman starts to lean in and I inhale the spicy scent that clings to him. As he leans towards me, the distance between us disappears. I can’t help but wish he’d kiss me even though it could be the worst idea ever. Suddenly he stops, his hand falls away and he steps back. Shaking his head, he turns away from me and begins to pace. I feel the absence of him immediately.

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