Eight
Tillman
I make my way back over to my car. My eyes scan the area, recognizing most of the faces. Most of them nod, wave, or call out a greeting. All of them have curious eyes. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a Pedal to the Metal race. I’m sure the rumors have been busy making rounds in my absence. I can’t help but wonder what they’ve all said or what they’ve heard. I wonder if any of them have heard a correct version of what I’ve been up to. If I had to guess… probably not. I lean back against my car and cross my ankles while slipping a cigarette out of the pack from my back pocket. As I light it up, I let the sense of finality wash over me. My bones seem to know this is the last Pedal to the Metal I’ll see. I light up the cigarette, inhale the smoke, and hold it in my lungs until they constrict to the level of pain. Releasing it at the last minute.
Bowie James makes his way towards me. He’s a good six foot, three inches now with a shade of brown hair slightly lighter than his brothers’. His bright blue eyes meet mine and he smirks. Bowie is the reckless brother with a hot-head temper. Don’t cross him unless you’d like a broken nose. “Tillman,” he calls out as he approaches. Bowie’s eyes glitter under the streetlights with mischief. “Where the hell have you been, Stranger?”
I shrug my shoulders. “A little bit of everywhere and nowhere all at the same damn time.”
“That’s vague, which coming from you isn’t shocking. None of us expected to see you tonight.”
My eyes glance towards him as he comes to lean on my car next to me. “I didn’t expect to be here either.”
Silence descends upon us. Bowie greets a few street racers who must be new to the scene since I don’t recognize them. This entire place feels foreign to me now. It’s sad because it used to be my escape from the mess that was called my life. I went from being juggled in the system to feeling like I found a home in Street Kings, only to have it make a bigger mess of my life. I can feel Bowie’s eyes on me. “So, what’s new with Tillman?”
“Honestly, not much. Just living life to the fullest and all that good shit.”
Bowie laughs. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound like you at all, but you always have put on a good face. So, are you racing tonight?” I shake my head. I’m drawing enough attention just by being here. I certainly don’t need to draw any more by slipping behind the wheel of my car and leaving everyone except the James brothers in my rearview mirror. The James brothers basically own these streets. Thanks to their dad, they all have gasoline as blood and engines as brains with a heavy foot and craving for speed. Their racing skills have made them something of legends on the asphalt. Local celebrities if you will. “Man, you should race. The money is going to be killer tonight.”
“I don’t need the money, and since when do you race?”
He looks offended and makes a motion like he’s dusting his shoulders off. “Since I got my license five months ago. Seriously, where the hell have you been? And since when do you not need money?”
“I make money now and that’s where I’ve been... working.” I have to fight off the eye roll and chuckle I feel as I take in Bowie’s expression.
His blue eyes are large. “Well, then share the wealth and let me have a cigarette.”
My head falls back in laughter as I toss my cigarette on the ground and stomp it out. “Yeah, not going to happen little man.”
Axell and I have referred to Bowie as “little man” since the moment he started walking. He followed us everywhere. “Why not?”
“Because I need to talk to Axell and him killing me isn’t part of my plan.”
Bowie scoffs. “Axell isn’t going to kill you. I’m grown now anyways.”
A sarcastic laugh does escape me this time. “The hell you are, but nice try.”
“Tillman.”
I look over and smirk in Bowie’s direction. “Bowie.” We must be having a staring contest that I’m unaware of, but I love a good challenge. Bowie looks away. Victory is mine. “Besides, don’t pick up that bad habit. Cigarettes kill, man.”
“Says the guy who just had one hanging from his mouth.” Bowie crosses his arms over his chest. I swear he’s trying not to pout. A girl walks past us, all long legs in her barely-there skirt. Bowie doesn’t even glance in her direction, which I find shocking. Bowie used to be all about the ladies, in his words.
My shoulder bumps into his and I nod my head in her direction. She glances back over her shoulder and gives Bowie a smoldering look. “She’s fishing, so are you going to hook that?”
Bowie shakes his head. “Naw, I have a girl.”
His words feel like a slap to the face. In my absence, Bowie James has grown up. He drives, has a girl that he clearly is crazy about based on the look in his eyes, and apparently, he smokes. Now I have to ask the same question he’s been asking... where the hell have I been? “That’s news to me.”
He stands up straight and shrugs his shoulders, but for a moment his eyes look sad. “There’s a lot that would be news to you, Tillman. You should come around more often.” I nod my head. Bowie extends his fist out and I tap mine to his. “I have to get ready to race but stop being a stranger.” I don’t make empty promises, and eventually Bowie turns and walks away. I feel like I’ve missed so much these last couple of years. Something inside me becomes incredibly sad to see how I’ve lost touch with the people I called family.
I stand on the sidelines and watch race after race as they start and end. The nerves in my stomach are growing larger and larger. A part of me wants to be a coward and run, but I can’t keep doing that. Bowie is in the next to last race and surprisingly he’s good and wins. Axell is up next. No shock to me, he does win. Afterwards everyone moves to the local beach where bonfires and kegs are currently set up to celebrate the wins. Axell makes his way over to me as the crowd around him starts to disperse. “You said you wanted to talk.”
When I said it, I meant it, but now I’m scared to see his reaction to my confession. “Do you need to take Sadie home or to the after party?” Anything to buy me more time, but Axell shakes his head.
“She’s riding with Bowie. I’ll meet up with her in a bit. So, what’s up?”
Thunder rolls and I look up to the sky, but it’s clear. The night sky is all I can see. It’s my heart in my chest that’s currently thundering. The streetlights above give off just enough light that I can see Axell’s face, the way his eyes are pinched with concern and his mouth a solid, flat line, a grim look for my best friend. He knows that whatever I have to say will be the undoing of years of friendship we’ve shared. All of the good memories from my childhood are connected to Axell and his family. The people that welcomed me in with open arms, no questions asked. “You’re not stupid, so I know that you know something has been going on with me.”