Page 19 of Barker

Talk about seeing red. Red was the only color to have ever existed at that moment. I remember a yelling match between us, something I’m definitely not proud of, before Giselle finally packed a bag and stormed out. She stayed gone a week; no texts, no calls, nothing; and I was a miserable ass during that time. When she showed up on our doorstep looking even faker than before and that sneer on her face, I was stunned.

I remember pulling her into my arms but she’s as stiff as a board and pushes me away. “I’m only here to pick up my things,” she tells me. The shock and hurt feels like a knife slicing into my skin over and over. She tosses her hair extensions over her shoulder. “Oh, don’t give me that look. You knew this was coming. This relationship was never meant to last; it was just my way to get what I needed.”

“What you needed?”

Giselle smirks. “Yes, Barker. Sometimes, I swear you are so naïve. You think with that heart of yours all the damn time. Look, ultimately, I wanted to be a porn star and now I will be. I needed you and the reputation of an MC to get me a little recognition. To obtain that reputation.”

“The Sons of Sin aren’t like that,” I said through clenched teeth.

Giselle laughs. “Yeah, I know that but they don’t. Look, I knew what I needed and I saw a way in so I took it. Now, I’m done.”

She stepped past me and into the house. I stood in the doorway looking out into the street. This had been our little dream house, the start of our new life. I thought this was forever because I love her. Tears threaten my eyes, but I shake them off, turn around, and storm into what was our bedroom. She’s walking between the bed and closet, packing her things, and it’s another tear in my heart. “Giselle, I know things haven’t been good recently, but you can’t just walk away.”

“Oh, I can and I am. Honestly, can you not see what I’m doing? Can you not hear what I’m saying?” she asks, while shaking her head at me.

I see and hear it, but I don’t want to believe it. It had all felt so real to me. What I felt was love and I knew it, but how had she been so good at pretending? “But I love you, Giselle.”

Giselle stops, sighs, and turns to face me while rolling her eyes. “Of course you do. Everyone will, so you aren’t alone, but I don’t want love, Barker. I want the spotlight. I want to be desired.”

“But you are!” I bellowed, and she didn’t even flinch. Her face just looked annoyed.

“What? By you, one measly guy. That doesn’t count. You don’t matter,” she says with finality, and turns to toss the last item in the suitcase before picking it up and leaving. I stand in the bedroom doorway unable to process it all. This wasn’t happening. She was my forever, my saving grace, but now it was all a lie. It was all just some sick game for her. I turn around and put my fist through the wall before I sink to the floor.

Seeing Giselle had my body wound up so tight. It had me questioning everything and everyone, especially Annistyn and this ridiculous pull I have toward her. My mind became flooded with memories from the day she left and I hadn’t been able to stop myself as I stalked toward her. Once she saw me, she stood up from the stool and tried to hug me, but I didn’t want her touching me. I didn’t want her fake affection, because that’s exactly what it was. A pity hug. Are you kidding me? I’m freakin’ Barker Tobin—I don’t need anyone’s pity. Giselle looked up and batted her eyelashes at me. Man, she was good, I’d give her that. She’d have most guys eating out of the palm of her hand.

“Barker,” she says breathlessly, yet she had just barely moved, so I knew that was a put-on. It’s meant to turn a guy on and before it would have worked, but not now. “It’s so good to see you.” I scoff and wrap my hand around her arm as I lead her out of my bar. Once we're outside, she turns around on me. “Well, I didn’t think you’d be so mean.”

“Really? What’d you think? That I’d be happy to see you?” I ask her harshly.

She crosses her arms and pushes her breasts up higher. I roll my eyes and rub my hand over my stubble. “Well, most people are happy to see me.”

“Yeah, well most people don’t know you as well as I do either. They fall for this little act you put on.”

“Barker,” she whines. “Don’t be like this.”

“Don’t be like what, myself?” I ask her.

She steps toward me and looks up at me through her lashes. “I’ve missed you.”

My head falls back and I laugh sarcastically at that comment. “Doubtful.”

“You don’t believe me,” she states quietly, trying to sound hurt.

“Nope,” I reply. “I mean, I’d think it’d be pretty hard to miss someone who doesn’t matter. I mean, I am just one measly guy so I don’t count,” I tell her, throwing her words back at her.

Giselle pouts. “Barker…”

I hold up my hand. “No, just go. You don’t belong here. There is no fame here, Giselle. This isn’t what you wanted and I highly doubt that’s changed.” I turn around and head back for the door.

“I’ve changed,” she comments from behind me.

I look over my shoulder. “I’d laugh, but even if you have changed, I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t love you anymore, Giselle. You no longer mean anything to me. You’re just another porn star having sex for money. You’re a high-end hooker.” Instead of heading inside, I go over to my bike and take off.

****

I didn’t think when I left—I just drove. I let the highway do the healing, pound the hurt back down into the crevasses of my mind where it had been for so long now. I let the open space and wind wrap around me and comfort me as I moved over the asphalt below. The vibration from the engine moved through my body. I was on autopilot and the road is what I needed.

It took that open road and me needing an escape to realize that Annistyn was different. She wasn’t like Giselle or any other girl I had spent time with. She didn’t want to be seen with me because it boosted her reputation. She didn’t want me to help her out financially, because she wasn’t one to take handouts from anyone. She didn’t need me, but she wanted me. I knew she did, but I could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn’t trust people easily. I recognized that look because I’d had it in my eyes for a long time, at least until Annistyn showed up.

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