Page 33 of Fast Lane

“Now is fine,” she replies quietly. It’s not the answer I want to hear but given her current demeanor I don’t push the subject at the moment. As we pull back onto the road my favorite band, Five Finger Death Punch, comes on the radio. I resist the urge to blare it. Kosi doesn’t come across as the type of girl who blares her music. Then again I did totally have her choice of music wrong.

The car ride is quiet except for the music. Eventually, we make it back to Free Fall. It’s late and out here it’s completely silent. It’s odd compared to the noise of Los Angeles. I park next to her car. She is out of the passenger seat without a word. The door shutting sounds deafening in the middle of the silence. Against my better judgment I follow behind her. “What the hell, Kosi?”

Kosi spins around and she looks like something I’ve never seen before. Her eyes are wet with unshed tears. “Is that why I have this job?”

“What?”

“You own it! You own this place!” she shouts.

Slowly, I nod my head. “Yeah, I do.”

“What? Did Jaxx ask you to do me a favor? Did he think I couldn’t make it on my own? Because newsflash to everyone, I’m fine. I’m making it without anyone’s help.” Her arms fly out on either side of her.

I make my way around the car. “No, your brother didn’t ask me to give you a job. I gave you the job because I didn’t know how else to get the facelift for the school without you. You were the only good one I could afford because I’m not exactly floating in money over here either, you know? This place was my dream come true. I wanted it so bad that I took out a huge loan and now I don’t know if it’ll survive and that’s scary as hell.”

She steps back. “You gave me the job?”

“Yes, I gave you the job. No one else aside from Bowie even knew I was considering it,” I explain to her.

Suddenly, she deflates. She looks so tired and broken. I hate that the girl who fought so hard for everything, to be perfect, for a degree that she didn’t even care about, is standing here. Kosi was destined for huge things and she should have had them. She shouldn’t be a waitress in a BBQ joint. “I’m sorry it’s scary.”

“There isn’t much I’m scared of, Kosi.”

Kosi looks up at me. “You mean aside from this school failing?”

I nod my head. “Yeah, I’m scared of that. No one wants to fail. Even I don’t want that, and I know I have a reputation of being carefree, but even I can’t be that carefree.”

She looks away, her arms wrap around her midriff. “Failing sucks. It makes you feel like the lowest of low.”

It hits me right then why it bothered her so much that she thought Jaxx had me hire her. She thinks she failed because she got laid off from her marketing job. Kosi doesn’t see it but I do. I close the distance and once again I slip a finger under her chin. “You didn’t fail. Something was yanked from your grasp and you’ve had to adjust your path and you’ve done it quite well I might add.”

Her eyes swim with tears and she bites down on her bottom lip. It's an attempt to hide the slight tremble there. “What else scares you?”

Without hesitation or even thinking about it I answer, “You.” Suddenly, her arms are around my neck and her lips are on mine. I don’t know where this leaves us or where we’re going but right now it doesn’t matter.

Twenty-Nine

Kosi

It’s been a few weeks since the first kiss with Roscoe and since then things have been oddly good. Of course, no one in my life except Baylor knows about whatever is going on between the two of us. The only reason she does know is because she caught me sneaking out and we both realized I was not the person to tell a secret to. I’ll cave in two seconds. Luckily though, she's been great about it. Baylor never pushes the subject but she does ask a few questions and listens when I speak about it. With everything going on, I feel like I see Baylor less and less. We have a plan to fix that soon.

However, tonight is about Roscoe and me. To say I’m nervous is an understatement. I’m currently sitting at my desk that doubles as my vanity with nothing but my robe on. Baylor comes into the room. “I’m beginning to worry about you. For the last half an hour, every time I pass by the room you’re just sitting there.”

“What was I thinking, Baylor?” I ask quietly.

She sits behind me on the edge of my bed. “You were thinking that you like him. That you enjoy his company. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

There’s this ball of self-doubt that sits in my gut and just rolls around, banging into my rib cage. It’s something no one understands or even knows about. To the rest of the world I plaster on my smile and roll with the punches. To them I probably come across like one of the most confident people, but in reality, I second guess everything. These past few months have been incredibly difficult. The feeling of utter failure is not a fun one. First it was my relationship with Colby, then losing my job. Those were two huge blows and it’s made me feel like I’m not good enough.

Stepping outside of my comfort zone with Roscoe almost seems like too much. What if things go badly and I fail here too? Baylor is right. I have come to enjoy his company. I’ve finally admitted that I like him. The problem is I don’t know how much he likes me.

“You need to stop worrying and just get ready.” Baylor comes up behind me, reaches around and grabs my hairbrush. Silently she starts to brush my hair, which I’m thankful for because it’s actually really soothing. Less than an hour later and I’m ready. Baylor straightened my hair and left it down, she went a little heavy on the eye makeup but opted for a nude lip. I finally decided on a pair of straight leg jeans, wedges with a lilac tank top that flows away from my body. In a last-minute decision, I grab my black leather bomber jacket from my closet and drape it over my arm just as the doorbell rings. “Take a minute to breathe and collect yourself. I’ll go let him in,” Baylor tells me as she scurries from my room.

I can hear their voices but I can’t make out what they’re saying. Eventually, I take one more look in the mirror before heading out to meet Roscoe. As I approach, I take him in. He’s got a simple army green t-shirt on that makes the hazel of his eyes pop even more. A pair of medium wash jeans and brown combat boots. His signature bandana is missing but his hair is slicked back with those few strands curling over his forehead. It totally gives an early 90s Johnny Depp vibe, only with lighter hair. His scruffy face is gone except for just enough stubble to give it a shadow. When he realizes I’m approaching, his eyes swing to mine and for a moment I forget Baylor is there. His eyes roam over me and I can’t help the heat that floods my body and colors my cheeks. Baylor snickers. “Well, I hope the two of you have a great night. Don’t do anything I wouldn't do,” she tells us with a wink.

Roscoe steps forward. “Wow! You just look… amazing. I’m speechless.” He shakes his head and I watch as he opens and closes his mouth multiple times. He clearly is struggling.

I laugh. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” For a quiet moment we just stand there staring at each other. I’m pretty sure anyone would be able to feel the electricity.

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