Page 10 of Pedal to the Metal

“Londynn, I wish I could believe that, but I can’t. You don’t either but it’s okay you’re not ready to talk but when you are I’ll be here. And trust me you’re going to need to talk to someone at some point. There’s no way you can live in that house and keep company with people like Ryce and not need it. Promise me that when you do you’ll call me.” Tears threaten to escape, but somehow, I manage to hold them back. I just nod in agreement as Sadie steps forward and pulls me into her arms.

As I watch her walk away and drive off I can’t help but feel like she might be right. I’m going to need her someday.

****

Alivia pulled up a little while later, once we got our frozen yogurt and took a seat that looked out onto the street. “So, what’s new with you?” Alivia asked.

I shrug and slowly let the frozen yogurt melt in my mouth while I decipher what her question means. I can tell but the look on her face that she knows something, probably from Creed. “Not much and you?”

She matches my shrug and stares before saying, “Not much.”

I shake my head and roll my eyes, “What do you know Alivia?”

She laughs, “Okay, so Creed told me all about your bad boy in shining armor coming to your rescue at the races! Jagger James on top of that! I mean I’d take any of those ridiculously hot James boys coming to my defense but Jagger, he’s got that mysterious thing going for him but doesn’t seem like an ass like Ace.”

“It was nothing. You know Sadie was my nurse while I was in treatment and she is engaged to Axell and according to her that’s just how they were raised. They may be bad boys, but they stand up for women," I say staring down at my frozen yogurt because if I meet Alivia’s eyes she’ll know I’m lying and then she’ll never let this go. Of course, it was a big deal to me. No one besides Farrah and Vivienne has ever come to my defense before. The fact that a guy who is basically a stranger did for me is confusing enough. Add on the fact that he is Jagger James, who is gorgeous with his perfectly messy hair, tattoos and muscled up body that I seem to have some weird vibe going on with just makes it impossible to figure out. How am I supposed to explain this to my best friend if I can’t even make sense of it?

“Girl, that was not nothing! I wish I could have been there to see the look on Ryce’s face. I bet it was priceless. I heard he even cheated to get a head start and still lost the damn race," she says laughing loudly. I just nod my head in agreement, but I stay quiet, once her laughing dies down she gets a serious look on her face. “So, if Jagger was nothing then what’s going on with you and Ryce?”

I shake my head and whine, “I don’t know! I know that Ryce and I make sense and our families expect us to get married and what not, but I don’t feel that excitement with him anymore. I used to get so excited at the thought of a date or kissing him and now I just cringe.”

“You cringe?” Alivia asks clearly shocked. I just shake my head in agreement with her. “I knew you weren’t happy, but I didn’t know you cringed. Why?”

“Because of all the pressure to be the Londynn he wants me to be. The Londynn my parents want me to be. I’m not free to just be me and I know that makes no sense to you because your family isn’t like that but I just dread playing the part anymore," I say sighing heavily and feeling defeated.

“I have a crush on Creed!” Alivia just blurts out of nowhere then quickly clamps her hand over her mouth while her brown eyes go huge.

I laugh because I knew this a year ago even if they hadn’t figured it out yet. “Alivia, I knew that so stop being so dramatic.”

“You knew that?”

“Yes, and I’m pretty sure Creed has a crush on you," I tell her.

“How did you know?” She asks.

I giggle, “The way you two act, it’s been obvious to everyone but the two of you.”

She runs her fingers through her hair and sighs loudly, “What do I do Londynn?”

I shake my head at the irony of the situation. My love life is in shambles yet she’s asking me for love advice. I may or may not have a boyfriend that I don’t want to be with and that has already proven I’m nothing more than a trophy to keep his place in the society pages. Then there’s this thing with Jagger. I feel different when I’m with him, like I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. For those few fleeting moments I feel alive, I feel free. So, I tell Alivia the only advice I can give her, andI should probably take for myself as well, “Tell him, life’s short you know?”

****

Jagger

My emotions are a little all over the place after leaving the cemetery, between seeing Harlyn’s grave for the first time and that odd encounter with Londynn, I’m not sure what to think. Londynn makes me feel something I haven’t felt since that night I lost Harlyn. Londynn makes me feel hopeful but hope is a dangerous emotion especially for a guy like me. I learned a long time ago that since I grew up on the tough side of town then I needed to be tough in order to survive. I had never understood why my brothers got in so many fights until I finally figured out it was their way of protection. If they could show everyone else just how tough they were then no one would mess with them. So, that’s what I had done, followed in my brother’s footsteps and Ace had followed me. It’s how we got the reputation we have, that and the fact that were lethal behind the wheel of a car.

There’s nothing like getting behind the wheel of a car and pushing the pedal all the way down to the floorboard. Pedal to the metal was the biggest adrenaline rush you could ever get. Nothing comes close to that feeling of doing a 100+ mph and the wind whipping your face, the objects you pass just becoming blurs. Nothing could beat that feeling except one thing, love. Love was that same adrenaline rush because you’re giving someone the most breakable piece of yourself and trusting them with it. Giving them that is like pushing that pedal to the metal and the adrenaline rush comes from wondering if they will protect it, kind of how you wonder if you’re going to survive your race.

For a guy like me though, hope is a fairy tale, something you’ll never actually get. Wrong side of town, wrong amount ofmoney, wrong car, wrong house, the wrongs just continue to pile up. I’m no fairy tale prince and girls like Londynn have been raised inside a fairy tale. They dream of it and their prince charming. I could never give Londynn the life she’s expecting or has been raised in, not even close. Londynn is a fairy tale that could potentially send me running from L.A. again. I can’t afford to do that again and my brothers can’t afford that, they need me.

By the time I pull into the body shop my mood has plummeted and it must show because when I enter no one says anything to me and they all move to get out of my way. A pissed off James brother is the last thing you want to be on the bad side of and apparently the crew here knows that.

A few hours later Axell pulls me out from under a car. “You feeling any better?”

“Depends on your definition," I tell him.

He chuckles, “What is with you, Bowie and Ace? You guys all have this sarcastic ass attitude, drives me insane.”

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