Page 22 of Pedal to the Metal

“That’s not something bad Londynn. Life can do that to you, it kicks you and tosses you around and sometimes beats the hell out of you. You kept fighting and there’s nothing dirty about that. Anyone who makes you feel that way is not the type of person you need in your life," he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “You should get home; Farrah has been worried sick.”With that being said he turns to leave, once his car is out of sight, I let my tears fall freely.

Chapter 14

Jagger

As I sat there listening to Londynn’s confession, I felt those walls around my heart start to go back up. Londynn needed someone that was for sure, but I couldn’t be that someone. I never would be. I wasn’t the kind of guy who could be there the way she needed and even if I could be that guy, would I want to be? Londynn had just proved herself to be too risky. She had almost indirectly killed herself. Was she expecting him to just be okay with that? I had already been in love with a girl and lost her. Hell, I was still suffering from the grief and guilt from Harlyn and Harper. There was no way I could even try to let my guard down with her now.

As I drive down the highway with no real destination my mind goes back to all the times I’ve spent with Londynn. I had been so certain that she was just the spoiled rich girl but instead she was lonely and looking for freedom. She had been raised to be perfect all of her life. What I had believed to be true about her wasn’t even close.

Before I know it, I’m on the highway heading towards Vegas. I’m running…again but maybe that’s what I’m meant to do. Maybe, I’m meant to always run from pain. Everyone knows I’m damn good at it. I consider turning back around and going home but instead I push the gas pedal down farther and feel my car’s speed climb with it.

I see the city lights of Vegas before I realize it and they instantly make me think of Londynn. After spending hours on the road, I feel like a total ass for just leaving her like this. I hadn’t even thanked her for opening up to me. No, instead I got in the car and drove away. What the hell had I been thinking? I roll the windows down as I pull into Vegas. I guess I think thefresh air will make me feel better, but it doesn’t. As I drive the crowded streets that had been home up until two months ago, I can’t help but wonder if Londynn is okay.

I pull into the parking lot of the club I use to work at as a bouncer. As I climb out, I stretch my stiff muscles before I head for the door. As I walk up, I see the guy who was the closest thing I had to a friend here, Brian. “Well I’ll be…Jagger James! Didn’t think I’d see the likes of you around here again!” He hollered as he pulled me in for a hug. “What brings you back to Vegas?”

I shrug, “You know I just missed you too much to stay away.”

Brian throws his head back laughing, a deep rumbling that comes from his chest. “I wouldn’t believe that no more than I believe pigs fly but I’ll take it.” He removes the rope and lets me inside. “Oh, there was a pretty little thing I let in there about ten minutes ago you should go charm her with that smile of yours.”

I just roll my eyes at him as I make my way through the crowded area to the bar. I order a beer and sit there as I take in the scene around me. When I had first got to Vegas, I thought this was some sort of heaven, but I learned pretty quickly this place is more like hell. It’s full of fakes and snakes, everyone is out for themselves. If you can help them in some way, they don’t mind you but otherwise, you’ll get bit.

I’m staring at the beer in my hand thinking about Londynn again when Hannah walks up and throws an arm over my shoulders. I didn’t even have to look to know it was her, she always smelled too sweet, like cotton candy but she was the one girl I had spent time with here. Mostly because she wasn’t into commitment, with Hannah there was no strings attached. She definitely wasn’t fake, and I had always been careful not to get bitten because I was pretty sure she was a snake. “Well, well what do we have here?” She said smiling sweetly at me. “I must admit I’ve missed you JJ.”

Hannah had always insisted on calling me JJ, I never knew why I guess it satisfied her, so I let her. Her fake black hair has chunks of hot pink, her barely-there dress is hot pink faux leather, and she has a pair of 6-inch heels that are nothing but glitter. As she saunters around to me, I notice the dress barely covers any part of her. She bats her over the top fake lashes at me, “Oh come on JJ you know you missed me too.”

“Haven’t had a whole lot of time for that Hannah," I tell her while taking a drink.

She moves in closer to me and all I can smell is that sickening sweet smell, nothing like the fresh daisy smell that comes off Londynn. Ugh! Why can’t I get that damn girl out of my head? Before I think I grab Hannah’s neck and pull her into me. Maybe if I kiss Hannah long enough, I’ll forget about those deep hazel eyes and the head full of honey hair. That hair that’s always so soft you can run your fingers through it, nothing like this head full of hair product. If I could just forget how she tasted like coconut and the way she molded into my body, but I can’t. Maybe if I just keep running, I’ll forget.

****

I wake to the sunlight streaming through hot pink sheer curtains. My head feels like it’s been run over by a semi, my nostrils burn with the smell of cotton candy and stale cigarette smoke, my back is burning. I manage to sit up and realize I’m in Hannah’s room. Everything is hot pink and zebra. I growl in frustration at myself. What did I do? I’m such an idiot. I manage to make it to the bathroom and see I look about like I feel. I splash cold water on my face then examine my back in the mirror. I look like a stray cat got a hold of me. As I walk back to the bedroom, I pick up pieces of my clothing. Sitting on the bed with my head in my hands I try to figure out what is wrong with me. Why do I always do this?

“So, who’s Londynn?” Hannah asks standing in the bedroom doorway.

I look up at here, “What?”

She laughs, “You called me Londynn last night, so I was curious who she was.” She walks over and hands me a cup of coffee. “You know I’ve been called a lot of different names but never by you.”

I take a sip of coffee before answering, “She’s this girl back in L.A. I ran because I found out some stuff.”

She laughs again before sitting next to me. “You always run JJ, but did you ever think maybe it’s time to stop. What you found out about her, was it so bad you had to run?”

“No, I guess not. I just don’t want to go through it again.”

She raises her eyebrows at me, “Go through what?”

I shake my head and run a hand through my hair, “Losing someone again. You know everyone talks about how great love is, but it really sucks.”

“Oh, please you know that’s not true. Love is great. Nothing is better than that, but you can’t find it again if you keep running. You know when the last time I saw you this messed up was?” she asks but I just shrug. “The night we first met and few months after that but then I stumbled across that picture of the pretty brunette and you blew up at me, Remember?”

“Yeah, I remember," I say staring at the floor.

“You were so mad! You didn’t talk to me for weeks but when you finally did you apologized and told me what happened. Then you told me you’d never let anyone in again and I believed you. That’s why I know right now that this Londynn girl is different.”

“Oh really? How do you know that?” I ask sarcastically.

“Because she’s already gotten in. You wouldn’t have ran if she hadn’t. You wouldn’t have tried to drink her away if she wasn’t. Hell, you wouldn’t be here if she wasn’t and somewherein that head of yours, you know that," she says then gets up from the bed.

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