Page 23 of Pedal to the Metal

Before she leaves she looks back at me when I ask her, “And what about you Hannah? You’re fine with all your relationships being like this?” I motion towards the bed.

She shrugs, “We all have our demons and secrets. Mine make me okay with my relationships just being about sex,” she says pointing at the bed. “Go home Jagger.”

The one-time Hannah uses my real name and it’s to tell me to go home, but can I?

****

It’s been a month since I’ve been back in Vegas. I haven’t seen Hannah again but I’m staying in my old apartment again with my old roommate, Brian but no matter what I do I can’t get Londynn off my mind for too long. It doesn’t matter what I drink or how much. It doesn’t matter who I try to use as a distraction, she’s always just right there in the back of my mind. My phone starts ringing again, and I roll over to see Axell’s name on the screen. I haven’t actually spoken to any of my brothers. I’ve texted to let them know I’m okay and when they’ve asked if I’m coming back, I’ve just laid the phone down. Truth be told I don’t have an answer for them. I don’t know if I’m ever going back to L.A.

The phone finally stopped ringing only to start back up again. Clearly, he’s not going to give up today like he’s been for the past week. I chunk the phone against the wall because if I answer I know that Axell will talk me into my car and down the highway. When I think of the highway Londynn is always the first image that comes to mind. Her and that kiss we shared in the body shop. How could I have been so stupid as to think that we had a chance? As if we didn’t already have more than enoughgoing against us, her secret had to be the one thing that would send me running.

My phone starts back up again, and I grunt and leave my bedroom. The light in the kitchen instantly gives me a headache. I’ve been living with a perpetual hangover since getting back here. I should know better, but I keep thinking that at some point that some drink will remove the image of her from my brain. The way her legs looked while she walked towards me. The way she moved when she danced. The way she tasted like coconut when I kissed her. The way she always smells like daisies. The way she fit perfectly against me when she was in my arms. The way her hair would always fall over her left shoulder.

Ugh! What the hell has happened to me? I’m not this guy that obsesses over one girl. I haven’t been this guy since Harlyn, and I can’t go back to being that guy. Especially not with one who almost just died! What if she got to feeling like that again but this time no one got to her in time? What did she expect me to do if I let her in and then lost her? I was certain that if I loved and lost again, I’d go crazy. Whoever said that quote, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all” had clearly never suffered the loss of love because if you have you know that quote is total bullshit.

I head back into my room as I hear my phone ringing still, marching over to it I yank it from the floor but instead of Axell’s name I see Sadie’s. Using Sadie was not fair, I slid my finger across the screen. Before I can even say hello, Sadie’s voice comes over the phone, “I don’t what your issue is right now but if you ever cared about Londynn you need to get back here now.”

My phone goes dead and before I know I’m moving through my room grabbing the closest clean clothes and my keys as I head out the door for my car. Once I’m inside though I hesitate. If I go back, then I’m making a final decision. I’m telling all ofthem that I care about her and her wellbeing. I’m letting her past these walls I’ve worked so hard to build, can I do that?

I guess my answer is yes. I don’t know how, why or when but I’ve started my car, put it in drive and I’m already on the road before I think about my answer. In a few hours I’ll be back in L.A. and next to Londynn…I hope.

Chapter 15

Londynn

The first few days that Jagger was missing I had held onto hope that he’d return but after the fourth day I knew he wasn’t, little did I know at the time that it’d be a month before I saw him again. Farrah had come home and brought me something she had printed online. ABA, American Ballet Association was holding open auditions in New York the following week. Of course, she thought I should go but I just wasn’t sure what I should do. Two days later I was running around trying to pack and make all the necessary arrangements that I’d need for New York.

I had to go to my parents’ because most of my dance stuff was there but as I pulled up, I was a little shocked to see my mom’s BMW sitting in the driveway. I braced myself for a conversation with her. By the time I made it out of the house I felt even better about going to New York, I just knew it would turn out great. This was my chance at my dream, my chance at freedom. Dr. Thorton and Sadie also thought it was a great idea.By the time Farrah dropped me off at the airport on Saturday I could barely contain my excitement.

Staring at my reflection in the mirror I shake my head at how naïve I had been a few weeks ago. I had made a deal with the devil and now I was paying my price. I looked down at my black evening gown for some charity event at the country club. The country club where I would be expected to act like the perfect daughter and girlfriend. I had chosen a black lace high lo gown that had a deep-v neckline and off the shoulder’s long sleeves. I had found a pair of shoes that reminded me ofThe Wizard of Oz. They were red glitter Mary Janes with a bow to lock the strap in place. I had added a red satin headband to my curled hair.

I keep staring at my reflection because I know it’s me but I’m not me. I know that makes no sense, but I look like myself but nothing about my life right now is what I want. What I wanted was to go to the races but instead I’m going to the charity event. I’ve fallen right back into this role without a blink of an eye. I shake my head in disgust and head downstairs. As I make my way down Ryce enters my house and I inwardly cringe. I mean Ryce looks handsome in his tux but he’s the last person I want to spend the night with.

, “Here’s this necklace to go with that outfit," Ryce says extending a velvet jewelry box at me. Clearly, he doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore that I want to spend with him. I sigh and open the box it’s a beautiful ruby and diamond necklace that ends in a ruby teardrop shape. Any girl would be ecstatic to wear such a beautiful piece of jewelry, but I could care less. Ryce steps forward and yanks the necklace out of the box and I want to scream at him to be gentle with it, but I don’t. He’s looking at me like I’m supposed to read his mind when he tells me, “Well, don’t just stand there. Turn around so I can put this damn thing on we can get this night over with”.

I turn around while he messes with the necklace then cusses because he can’t get it to fasten. I smell a hint of tequila on his breath. Luckily my mom appears, and she can get the necklace fastened.

I smile, shake hands and make pleasantries with everyone I’m expected to. I’ve been on Ryce’s arm all night as we made our rounds in the ballroom. Finally, it’s time to sit, eat and listen to speeches about whatever charity this is for. My feet are killing me, and I feel like I’m drowning again, only this time I know I won’t be coming back up for air. Looking around at all the fake happy couples I realize this is my life now. Alivia is sitting next to me and despite her efforts I just don’t feel like being around her. Ever since I told Jagger about seeing Alivia and Ryce togetherI can’t get the image from my mind. It’s really starting to put a strain on our friendship.

After the speeches a band takes the stage, and the dance floor is now open. Ryce asks me to dance because we are expected to but after three dances one of the older ladies snags him away from me. She laughs and apologizes but really, I should be thanking her. I’m going crazy and I need some fresh air. When I return to the ballroom, I can’t find Ryce anywhere. I search until I find him and Bethany Law in some darkened corner in the hallway. I turn back around before they can spot me but when I reach the part of the hallway that leads back to the ballroom, I notice the exit doors.

I take of running and the sound of my heels slapping the tiles alerting Ryce that he was spotted. I hear him call after me. I’m almost out of the parking lot when his yellow Porsche catches up to me. “What the hell Londynn?”

I sigh and roll my eyes. “You can go back Ryce. I’m going home.”

“What home? You don’t have a home if you don’t keep up your appearance with me and if you don’t get in this car then you’re not keeping it up. Guess what happens then…mommy and daddy cut you off and kick you out," he says with a harsh laugh coming from him.

I stop and spin around to glare at him. “I don’t care! Let them! Let them cut me off and kick me out! No amount of money is worth being subjected to spending the night with you. I can’t even pretend to like you Ryce. If I have to give one more fake smile or tell one more person how lucky I am to have you I’m going to throw up!” I yell at him.

He puts the car in park and before I can really register what he’s doing he gets out of the car and comes around to face me. “You know you were just supposed to be a hot piece of ass and pretty face. A trophy wife! Why the hell is that so hard for you?”He grabs my arm and yanks me towards the car. I tell him no but before I know it, I’m forced into the passenger seat of his car.

Great now I’m stuck in a car with a drunk driver. For a minute I think to call Farrah, but we haven’t really talked since I got back from New York. Even so I know she’d probably answer for me, but she had texted me to tell me that her and Connor were going away for the weekend. I fastened my seat belt and prayed I’d make it home in one piece.

As we moved down the streets the speed of the car accelerated. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I was sure it was about to come flying out at any moment. We’re in Farrah’s side of town which also meant that we were in Jagger’s side too. It was race night which meant somewhere on one of these streets would be the races. Ryce must have pushed the accelerator more because we were moving even faster. Everything around me was a blur. I caught a glimpse of a sign and suddenly my heart feel into my stomach. The curve, the same one that Jagger’s girlfriend and unborn baby had been killed on. We were coming up on it and fast. There was no way Ryce could make that curve without wrecking.

“Slow down! You’re going to get us killed!” I screamed at Ryce, my panic rising. He just glares ahead. “Ryce! Please! Slow down!”

“No one is going to make a fool of me! You think you can just choose some other guy. Jagger James, the white trash bad boy! Like hell you will!” Ryce hollered back but I noticed the car slowing. Maybe if he kept talking the car would keep slowing. “Don’t you know who I am Londynn? Our families had this planned for us before we were born!”

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