Page 39 of Pedal to the Metal

As I’m heading back to my car, I notice the fresh daises on a grave. I make my way over and notice its Harlyn and Harper’s. I stand there a moment, unsure of what to do. Finally, I decide it couldn’t hurt so a squat down. “Hey Harlyn, hey Harper. I know you guys didn’t know me, but I feel like I’m in a competition with you guys right now. I don’t mind because I think in some way, I can understand it but I can’t understandhimespecially when he refuses to let me in. It makes me wonder if it’s just who he is or is it something to do with me? You know, I love him, I really do but I’d trade that if you guys could be here with him because I think then maybe that’d erase that look of pain in his eyes. I think maybe he would be a different Jagger if you were still here.”

“I know the James’ brothers have these reputations and images and maybe they suit them to an extent but under those bad ass exteriors they are really decent guys. I don’t think people really get to see that side of them but it’s there. I’ve noticed it with Axell and Ace. Jagger too, in brief moments but I feel like I’m the only one trying right now. Maybe, I’m just naïve. Maybe this is just how relationships are and I don’t have enough experience to understand it. I don’t want to walk away but I don’t want to fight all the time either," I sigh and stand up.

“Thanks for listening. I could really use some kind of sign from you guys or Vivienne right now. Should I hold on to him?” No sign appears so I head over to my car but when I get inside and turn the key nothing happens. My car is dead, no sound whatsoever. I have to laugh because it seems like this could be that sign. I grab my phone and scroll to Jagger’s number.

****

Jagger

I felt like an ass watching Londynn leave upset. I was causing this friction between us but the idea that she was embarrassed by me or where I came from really bothered me. Maybe, I didn’t have a right to feel that way and maybe she wasn’t embarrassed. I mean it wasn’t exactly in Londynn’s personality to care about that type of stuff. Maybe, I was just being insecure. I was about to slide back under a car while the paint dried on the other when my phone started singing, “Bed of Roses” byBon Jovi,Londynn’s personalized ringer. I’d seen her a little over an hour ago, but Londynn hardly ever called while I was working so I slide my finger across the screen. “Londynn?”

“Jagger, I’m sorry I hate to bother you, but my car won’t start," she says sounding stressed.

“It is making any sounds?” I ask trying to determine what could be causing it without actually looking at it.

I hear her sigh on the other end of the line, “No, nothing. It’s just dead.”

“Okay let me get the tow truck and I’ll come and get you. Where are you?”

“I’m at the cemetery," she mumbles. It makes me feel even worse that she felt like she needed to go talk to Vivienne. I really was an ass. I tell her okay and that I’ll be there soon. I stop by and tell Bowie I’m going to tow Londynn’s car in since Axell is still at lunch. On my way to the cemetery, I rehearse what I need to say. I need to tell her I’m sorry for the past couple of days and I probably need to tell her what’s been bothering me.

As I pull up, I notice how beautiful she looks today, not that she doesn’t look beautiful every day but there’s something classy about her outfit today without being overdone. She has on another pair of white shorts, a black blouse and yellow blazer over it. Her gold wedges make her tan legs seem even longer and I instantly think about them being tangled in mine at night. I pull up and park, when I get out, I’m prepared to apologize but Londynn will barely even look at me. “Let me get this hooked up then I drop you off wherever you need.”

“I don’t need a ride. I called Creed to pick me up he should be here any minute," she tells me while staring off at the sky. Her shades hide her eyes which I hate because she’s great at keeping her body language neutral, but her eyes tell it all.

“Londynn, you didn’t need to call someone for a ride. I could have dropped you off or even given you the keys to my car if you had stuff to do,” I tell her, feeling defensive again. She has once again pushed me aside when she needed help.

She runs a hand through her hair. “I didn’t want to make things more difficult for you than they already are.”

Damn, she wasn’t letting this go. I know I hurt her when I said that she was being difficult because Londynn was actually far from it. It had been a stupid thing to say. “Londynn, listenI’m sorry about earlier and the past couple of days. I haven’t been myself.”

She shrugs, and I hear a car approaching. “I don’t know maybe that is who you are. I’m not sure anymore. I want to be with you, but you have to want to talk to me in order for this to work. You have to talk to me, but you don’t. Thank you for coming and getting the car. Let me know what you find out.”

Londynn turns on her heels, grabs her purse and walks away. She’s at Creed’s passenger side door before I turn around to stop her. “Londynn! Are you coming to the races tonight?”

“That depends…”

“On what?” I ask.

She sighs, “On you Jagger.” With that she gets into the car. Creed waves at me through the window before taking off out of the cemetery. I stand there in the empty cemetery trying to figure out what the hell she meant by that. On the drive back to the shop my confusion just grew into frustration. I couldn’t believe she was putting this all on me. I had gotten out of this tow truck with every intention of making things right. I had apologized and what had I gotten? Her acting unaffected then putting everything on me. Now, I remembered why I didn’t do the girlfriend thing anymore.

****

By the time I pull into the shop I’m seething with anger. The way Londynn is reacting to everything is stupid, childish even. I hand her car keys over at the desk and tell them the issue. I go over to one of the workers and ask for something I haven’t done in years. I ask him for a cigarette, I use to smoke but I quit when I found out Harlyn was pregnant. I haven’t smoked since except for when I’m really stressed. Well, today is one of those days.

I head outside to the picnic tables on the side. There’s some nice shade from the tree. I sit on the table with my feet on thebench as I stare out into the distance at nothing in particular. Bowie comes up just as I’m about to put the cigarette out. “Smoking? That bad of a day?” He asks taking a seat next to me, pulling out his own pack. I just nod my head. “You want to talk about it?” He offers.

“Why are women so damn frustrating?” I basically growl.

He laughs and shakes his head. “Oh man! I knew it was Londynn who had you all worked up. You know I don’t know a damn thing about women. I gave that up when Hollis left.”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry about that, didn’t mean to bring it up.”

He doesn’t answer for minute but then he finally says, “No big deal, man. It’s been a long time.”

It has been a long time but it’s still clearly a big deal. When Hollis left, she took Bowie’s heart with her. The Bowie he is now is not who he was then. Now, he parties too much, drinks too much, smokes too much, fights too much and spends his nights with a different girl in his bed. It’s his way of acting like he doesn’t care, like he’s such a badass that it doesn’t matter that his heart was broken. He can say he’s over it, but the truth is if Hollis were to walk back into his life right now, he’d take her back in an instant. “I don’t know what to do.”

Bowie squeezes my shoulder. “I’m going to tell you this once and then I’ll deny it if it ever leaves this table because I can’t have women thinking I want all the hearts, flowers and romance but if you care about Londynn, if you love her then set your pride aside and go get her. She’s clearly crazy about you but she deserves someone who is just as crazy about her. I think that’s you but if it’s not just let her go.”

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