Page 4 of Pedal to the Metal

"You know that I don't know what we are right now." Three months ago, on the night that changed everything for me I had walked in to find Ryce having sex with another girl. I'd had my suspicions in the past but never any confirmation. It shattered my heart in ways I didn't know possible, the things he had said to me afterwards were just extra daggers. I had honestly believed he had loved me, but I had been wrong. It hadn't been me he loved. It was my name and the money that came along with it.

"What do you want the two of you to be?" Farrah asked. As if our relationship could be so easily defined. I was expected to marry Ryce at some point, it had been that way since I was fifteen and we started dating. Ryce had been my first everything and our families expected marriage. “Londynn, I can see those wheels spinning but your relationship with Ryce is yours. You can decide what you want it to be. He's the one who cheated and then blamed you for not being able to keep his pants on. He's the one that's the cold-hearted bastard."

"But our parents expect us to be together"

"To hell with what our parents want or what Ryce's parents want or even what Ryce wants. What do you want?" I stay silent because no one has ever asked me what I wanted. I don't actually know how to answer that. “Londynn, look at our parents and their relationship. Do you want that for your future? Do you want a husband that drinks too much and sleeps around? Do you want to be self-medicated like mom? I don't think you do."

I turn and look out the window as we pass the beach. The setting sun glistens on the ocean. When I was little, I would dream that someday I'd become a mermaid and I'd swim in that immense body of water. I could just escape it all, but I was never going to be a mermaid. I had two choices either continue to let the expectations of my family dictate my life or pull a Farrah and figure things out on my own. Resting my head against the seat I feel more confusion growing.

****

Jagger

As Bowie and I pulled into the parking lot of the body shop I cut the engine and stare at the long building in front of us. It was no longer the peeling gray color it was when I left. Now, it was vintage red with black trim and silver metal door. “Damn, did everything change while I was gone?" I turn to ask Bowie.

"Man, you've been gone five years, things were bound to change. When Axell took over he gave the shop and the bar a face lift." He goes quiet while I study the building again. “You got to admit it looks better."

It did look better. It looked better than better. It looked like the kind of shop we had always wanted. Axell had taken the time and money to make everything look more presentable, it had to help the business. “Yeah, looks a ton better I just wasn't expecting it. C'mon let's go see our brother," I say punching him in the arm.

As we get out of the car and make our way up to the shop, I see he upgraded the inside as well. Once we’re inside the door the smell of oil, tire rubber and metal hits my nose. This is home and suddenly it's like I'm seventeen again, working in this shop learning everything I could about cars. Bowie leads the way to the office, while saying hi to a few of the workers. He knocks on the door then enters. I follow behind. Axell is standing, talking on the phone.

Axell hadn't changed much his skin is still unable to tan even in the California sun he's still pale. His almost black hair is not long like it used to be. Now, it's just long enough to slick it back and he's traded his baby face for a little stubble. He's still the tallest at 6'5" and like all of us he's all muscle. His eyes widen at the surprise of seeing me with Bowie. Axell's eyes are now wide enough that you can tell they are two different colors one is solidblue, and the other is part brown and part blue. It's a disease or condition of something that I can't even begin to pronounce.

After he hangs up the phone he walks around the desk and pulls me into a rough hug. “Jagger. It's been too long. It's good to see you again little brother."

"You too" I tell him while hugging him back.

He pulls back and holds me at arm’s length distance, “Vegas has been good to you. Why didn't you tell me you'd be here today?"

I rub my hand over my face, “Didn't know to be honest. I just got off work and packed up what I wanted to bring."

"Well, either way it's good to have you back," Axell says with his goofy smile on his face. “Sadie will be happy that she took care of the room yesterday."

"Yeah, about that. She didn't have to do that. I could have taken care of it myself."

He waves his hand as if swatting the thought away. “You know Sadie." Sadie was a permanent fixture in our family, had been since Axell and she met in high school and started dating. Sadie had become like a mother to all of us and I was sure she still was to Jovi. She had managed to put herself through college and graduate and was now a full-time nurse. She was the best thing that had ever happened to Axell.

"Okay, as much as I hate to break up the brother bonding but I'm starving," Bowie interrupts and Axell laughs then suggest we head over to JamesTown, our families bar on the back side of the building. We make our way over and take a seat at the bar, Bowie goes behind the bar and grabs us all a beer then pops his head inside the back door and asks for three burgers and fries.

We mostly eat in silence with exception of a curious question from one of my brothers. My thoughts keep drifting to the last time I was in this bar. It had been after Harlyn and even though I wasn't old enough to drink I was hammered. I had started a barfight and I would have gotten arrested if Bowie hadn't taken the fall for me and while Ace drove me home. Two days after I had packed up and left. Las Vegas was close enough and big enough that I could forget my past and hide out. Being back here though reminds me of how much I have missed this place I called home.

We continued to hang around the bar. My brothers filled me in on the things I had missed out on. Apparently, the James brothers still ruled the racing world, Ryce Whitten and the rich brats from Santa Monica tried every week but never beat us, Farrah Parrish now worked as a bartender at JamesTown and had a thing going on with Connor Hart, who was from our side of town. Farrah had always been different from the rest of the Santa Monica brats. She had paved her own path and that wasn't allowed apparently.

Bowie told me that Duke Parrish had lived up to his expectation. He sometimes still came to the races with his nose in the air like he was superior to the rest of us. He was going to be a lawyer once he finished college and he had already placed a ring on Kasha Kendrick's hand. I really wasn't that surprised or interested in Duke however, I was curious about Londynn, Farrah's younger sister. She was the most intriguing to me, when I had left, she had only been fourteen, but she had already been gorgeous. With her honey-colored hair and dark hazel eyes that looked like stars were dancing in them, she had still believed in the magic of the world.

"So, you told me about the rest of the Parrish family, what about Londynn?" I asked trying to seem as uninterested as possible.

Bowie chuckled and gave Axell a knowing look. “That's right you had always been the most curious about the baby of the family," Bowie says laughing way too hard.

"It's not like that, I was just curious." Bowie could be exhausting at time. I look over at Axell I get a sense of sadness in his eyes but I'm not sure why.

Axell clears his throat, “Well she kind of did what you'd expect. As soon as she was old enough to date, she became Ryce's girlfriend."

"Not that his punk ass deserves her," Bowie chimes in.

"She's been away for three months according to Farrah and the relationship with Ryce is questionable," Axell says before falling silent. After a few minutes of silence Axell checks his watch and says, “We should get going we got to get to the races and close the shop." Bowie is already in the shop helping cleanup for the day when Axell places his hand on my shoulder to stop me, “Jagger, Londynn is vulnerable right now so it's best to stay clear."

I feel my brows knit together in confusion. I didn't know why he was telling me to stay clear. I had no intention of going after her. Even at fourteen Londynn deserved a one-woman type of a guy and I wasn't him. I would never be that guy again, not after Harlyn. Everything for me now when it came to women was no strings attached sex, just about the release. Something told me that Londynn wasn't that type of girl. “I wasn't planning on getting near her. Unless the woman is Harlyn, I don't give a damn," I said walking away from Axell and heading to my car. I didn't want any more brotherly advice today.

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