Page 53 of Pedal to the Metal

“Jagger, please don’t do this…” I hear the pleading in her voice and it could easily break me, but I can’t let it. I can’t turn around and look at her because I know I’ll back out, but this has to be done. Our relationship is affecting other people now. It’s not just about us.

“Londynn. Go!” I holler, and it echoes around the empty building. The building that had held so much promise and hope this morning is now filled with heartbreak and defeat. When I don’t hear her leaving, I yell again, “Now!”

I hear her slowly make her way to the door and just before she leaves, I hear her whisper, “I’m sorry.” I stand there in the silent darkness and pray for the strength to make it through this heartbreak.

Chapter 29

Jagger

After Londynn left, I had stood in the same spot for hours, or so it seemed. I stared at the hole I had punched in the wall. I let myself feel the pain that was suddenly taking over my body. I knew that I was taking a risk being with Londynn, but I had no idea it would be like this. The fact that Ace had been hurt because of my involvement with Londynn just proved yet again how wrong we were for each other. I kept hearing my phone ring, but I didn’t make a move to answer it. Why hadn’t Ace told us himself? Turning around I grabbed my phone without looking at it and headed to my car. Ace was the only one with answers and I intended to get them.

I took the first parking place I saw and made my way up to Ace’s room. When I got there Kynlee was sitting by his side. She must have seen something on my face because she quickly excused herself, leaving Ace and I alone. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Ace shakes his head. “Because I knew this would happen if you knew. I knew that if you knew it was Ryce that you would blame yourself and Londynn and ultimately ruin your relationship with her.”

“There’s nothing to ruin Ace! You could have been killed and it’s our fault. We thought we just had to be together and what for? To prove her family and friends wrong? To make all of you think that I can move on from Harlyn and Harper? What the hell was the reason?” I ask him feeling defeated.

“Jagger James, there is something to ruin, your happiness. You love Londynn and it’s something I never thought I’d see you do again, but you did it. The whole point was for that. I didn’t tellyou because I knew what you’d do. You need to fix it Jagger. Go get Londynn.” He encourages me.

I stare at my little brother for a while but eventually I came to the same conclusion. My relationship with Londynn is not worth anyone getting hurt. “No, there’s nothing to go after. Londynn and I are done. I need to get to the shop, I’ll see you later.”

I don’t look back at Ace because I don’t want to see the disappointment that will be evident on his face. I know that letting Londynn go is not what he wants me to do but it’s not about wants. We don’t belong in each other worlds and as long as we keep trying the risk of getting our friends and family hurt is just too high. I’ll let her go because it’s the only choice we have right now.

****

Londynn

1 week later

I hear Farrah sniffle as she squeezes me tighter during our hug. I’d probably cry too if I had anymore tears left in me, but I don’t. The lady on the intercom calls for me to board the plane. “I got to go Farrah.” She reluctantly lets me go and I turn around and head down the hallway to the plane.

Once I’m seated, I let the events of the past week hit me. I haven’t seen or heard from Jagger since I told him about Ryce being the one that attacked Ace. The first couple of days after he’d asked me to leave, I had held onto the hope that he’d come around, that Ace was wrong, but he wasn’t. It was now a week later, and I had no sign, text or call from Jagger. We were done. I finally called and accepted the offer with ABA on the fourth day. I spent the past few days packing up my life to move to New York. I knew that Farrah didn’t approve but I couldn’t live my life here now.

Staying in L.A. meant that I would always be surrounded by Jagger or the things that reminded me of him. Maybe, someday I could return here but not now. All L.A. held for me now was heartbreak after heartbreak. I needed to get away from it all. I knew Farrah was worried because I was leaving therapy, but I really felt I could handle this now. One of my biggest dreams was coming true so I’d make myself handle it.

As the plane takes off I look out the window and watch as L.A. disappears below me. The last piece of my heart shatters as I watch the dream I never knew I had disappear. The life I had foolishly let myself want with Jagger, that future that I knew we’d have to fight for. I just never imagined we’d have to fight so hard or that he’d give up so quickly. Right before L.A. disappears completely, I whisper, “Goodbye Jagger.”

****

Jagger

When I wake up the first thing I do every morning is torture myself by rolling over to the other side of the bed and inhaling the diminishing scent that Londynn left behind. That floral smell was so strong on the sheets the first night I told her to leave that I had went and slept on the couch. The next night I was so lonely I slept in the bed and her scent filled my aching heart and lonely soul but it’s disappearing and before long it won’t be here at all, just like her. Angry with myself I get up from the bed, I know my reasons for letting her go but it doesn’t make it any easier. It also doesn’t help that everyone in my life disagrees with my decision, but they don’t feel the guilt I do every time I look at Ace. Then again, they also don’t feel the ache inside my soul from missing Londynn either.

I stand under the shower head until the hot water runs out. Ace gets released today, he was lucky, he made a full recovery. It could have been worse. The only silver lining is that Aceand Kynlee seem closer than ever. I think he might finally let Kynlee in. After my shower I get dressed and head for my car. I want to be there when they officially release Ace. On my way to the hospitalKings of Leoncomes on my radio and instantly Londynn’s image pops into my mind, the way her honey hair would catch the sunlight, the way her dark hazel eyes lit up when she laughed, the way her nose scrunched up when I’d try to sing along, the way her foot kept beat with the song. Reaching over I change the station while letting out a string of curse words.

By the time I get to the hospital my mood as spiraled even further down than before. I can’t shake the images of Londynn running through my mind. When I enter Ace’s room Kynlee is helping him slip his t-shirt on. “Morning Jagger," Kynlee greets me.

“Morning Kynlee," I tell her kissing the top of her head as I pass by her. “Morning brother," I tell Ace while bumping fists with him.

Ace looks at Kynlee, “Will you go grab me some coffee?” He asks her, and she silently nods her head. After she’s out of the room Ace turns to face me, “You look like hell man.”

I shake my head, “You know I could say the same thing to you.”

He shrugs and winces, “Yeah you could but at least mine isn’t self-inflicted Come on Jagger! This happened to me, but you made the decision to let Londynn go. You caused your own pain for nothing.”

I motion around the room, “For nothing? I don’t call you being attacked and left for dead, nothing.”

“Oh, come on! That’s just you excuse to push Londynn away. Those Santa Monica kids and the North Hills kids have never gotten along. Ryce Whitten has had it in for all of us since day one. This would have happened with or without Londynn, so I don’t blame anyone for what happened, but I refuse to let thisbe your excuse to hide.” Ace stands up and walks around me but before he leaves out the door he looks over his shoulder and tells me. “Girls like Londynn don’t come around every day. Go get her.”

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