Page 24 of Breaking the Limits

Jagger smiles and it reminds me so much of Ace that it hurts. “Really, it was my pleasure. I hope I see you around.”

I glance down at Ace who still hasn’t moved. “Yeah, me too.” I give the table the best smile I can muster. I’m halfway to my Jeep when I hear Ace.

“Were you ever going to tell me about the video Kyn?”

I stop, bracing myself for what is about to come and turn around to face him. “I meant to tell you this morning.”

“You meant to tell me? Really Kynlee? How do you mean to tell someone something and then just lie?” I can sense his hurt and frustration, but I can’t find the words so I just shrug. Ace throws his hands up in frustration. “That’s great! No answer, do you even know why you lied about it?”

“I don’t know Ace,” I say meekly. I’m so ashamed right now.

He lets out a frustrated growl. “What am I supposed to do with this Kynlee? We’ve built our whole relationship on this ‘we don’t lie’ thing and now it’s just down the drain.”

My anger flashes to the surface and I level Ace with a glare. “Relationship? What relationship Ace? According to your introduction I’m just afriend.”

“You know what? I’m sorry about that, I really am. We’ve never had to introduce each other to anyone. Everyone in our lives have watched this develop so no introduction has been needed. I froze because I was mad and hurt and I wanted to hurt you back,” Ace says, staring at me intently. I can see that he’s sincere about his apology and he’s still being brutally honest. What he’s saying does make sense. We never have had to label our relationship or lack thereof. His family and our friends have just watched this grow into what it is. “I’m also sorry that you felt the need to lie to me.”

I shake my head and feel the tears welling up behind my eyes. I want to be strong, I don’t want to cry but I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold them back. “I didn’t feel the need. I don’t even know why I did it.”

“Did you think I’d be mad at you? Because I wouldn’t have been, I know when you go on those things that you don’t know who’s going to be there. I would have understood.”

I feel so defeated because he’s right. I know he’s right. In my heart I know that even though Ace doesn’t love my choice of career that he tries his best to understand it. I know had I told him about the video to begin with then all of this could have been avoided but I lied and now everything is a mess. “I’m sorry, Ace. I don’t know why I did it.”

“Do you have feelings for Enzo?”

That question horrifies me to no extent. I don’t and can’t have feelings for anyone else but Ace. Maybe, in a different life I’d have feelings for Enzo. He was a good-looking guy and we had some stuff in common. Enzo is kind of my typical type but Ace is all I want. “What? Oh my God no!” I shake my head, “How can you even ask that?”

Ace looks off to the side for so long that I’m beginning to think we’ll still be standing here in this very position when the sun starts to come up. Then very quietly says, “How can Inotat this point?” He runs a hand through his hair, “I think we should stay at our own places tonight. Get a clear head and see where we are tomorrow or in a few days.”

“Ace, no...” I plead.

His eyes look so sad when he looks at me that I feel some of the tears slip from mine. “I just can’t right now Kyn.” I know Ace’s go to method of dealing with things is to distance himself from them. I even know that I deserve this, but the fact that I hurt him is tearing me apart. I just want to fix this but I don’t even know where to begin. So, I stand there silently as he turns away from me. I stand there frozen, silently crying as I watch him climb into his car and speed out of the parking lot, taking my crumbling heart with him.

Chapter 17

Ace

I speed through town and back to my apartment, almost as if I’m racing again. But what am I racing for? Or from? Once I’m parked in front of my complex I let my head fall against the headrest of my seat. I feel exhausted even though I really have no reason to. The look on Kynlee’s face and those unshed tears in her eyes haunt my memories every time I close my eyes.

I get out of the car and make my way to my front door. However, once I step inside I realize just how empty this place feels. Knowing that Kynlee won’t be here tonight or even possibly in a few days creates tightness in my chest. Scrubbing at my face and rubbing my eyes as if that will take it all away, seems like a waste of time. I slam the door shut and move toward the bedroom, moving through the motions on autopilot as I get ready to call it a night.

Climbing into bed I lie back and stare at the ceiling. Kynlee’s honey and vanilla shampoo is still lingering on the pillow next to me. I don’t know who I’m angrier at myself or her?

Sometimes I think I’m not enough for her and that I’ll never be. I come with so much damaged baggage I can’t imagine her ever being truly happy with me but at the same time the thought of her with anyone else is unbearable. I can’t even think of another guy touching her or watching her sleep. The thought alone drives me insane.

Then there are times when I’m angry with Kynlee; especially right now. I can’t help but feel like she’s hiding something otherwise why lie? I hate that she’s made me care so much for her. Kynlee has become this ray of light that I depend on much more than I should. I swore off all this crap the instant I realized my mom was gone for good. It’s Kynlee. She’s the only one to get past this wall.

Thoughts continue to flood my brain as I toss and turn in the large, cold, and very empty bed. Finally, I give up. Blindly, I grab a shirt from the closet and a pair of shoes. On my way out the door I grab my keys and head back to my car. The chill in the night air lets me know fall is on its way. Once I’m in the car I make the fifteen-minute trip in five, granted I ran every red light and four way stop that I could along the way. Easily I spot the yellow Jeep in the parking lot. I pull into a space that isn’t designated for any certain tenant. I hop out and jog up the steps to Kynlee’s door. Knocking on the door I stand and wait for what feels like an eternity before she opens the door.

Kynlee is standing in the doorway in one of my old band t-shirts with her hair piled on top of her head. Her tearstained face breaks away another piece of my wall. I step inside and kick the door shut with my foot. Pulling Kynlee into my arms I kiss the top of her head. “I’m sorry baby doll. I just need to know nothing happened with Enzo.”

I feel her shake her head. “No nothing happened. I don’t see Enzo like that. I never have,” she pulls her head back far enough for me to see her eyes. “It’s always just been you.”

I lean down and press my lips to hers. The saltiness from her tears lingers on her lips. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“No, Ace I’m sorry. I don’t know how you can ever trust me again.”

I run my thumb over her damp cheek. “I do trust you Kyn. I just don’t trust Enzo. I know guys like him. Hell, Iwasa guy like him…before you.”

---