Page 8 of Breaking the Limits

Ace

I hate letting anyone see me like this, I hate to let anyone take care of me, so lying in here waiting on Kynlee just seemsso wrong to me. I shouldn’t have answered the door. When I had looked out the peep hole and saw her standing there, I had almost went back to my bedroom. She had never seen my place and I wasn’t sure I wanted her to. Also, I hated to admit it, but I had missed her over the past few days.

I was more than a little shocked to see her at my door and with everything I could possibly need. Kynlee appears in my doorway and I take in her appearance. Her face was bare, but it was beautiful without any makeup. Her long hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail and she has glasses on. I hadn’t realized that she even wore glasses or contacts. Her yoga pants, t-shirt and zipper hoodie looked so different from her normal attire. I like this side of Kynlee. I watch as she takes in my room.

I clear my throat which seems to remind Kynlee that I’m in the room too. She hurries over to me and hands me the soup. “Here, eat this and then you can take these,” she says, as she sits the medicine on my nightstand.

I’ve never had a girl inside my bedroom before. They only got as far as my living room, it was odd having Kynlee in here but a good odd. She’s unsure what to do so I pat the bed. “Sit down Kynlee,” she does as I say. I take a bite of the soup and it’s like heaven to my throat. I can’t taste much, but I can taste enough to know this is amazing. “Did you make this soup?”

Kynlee nods, “Yeah, it’s my mama’s recipe. Why?”

I shake my head slightly in shock. Kynlee doesn’t exactly strike me as the cooking type but apparently, I’m wrong. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

She cocks her head to the side and the playful smirk comes over her face, “Oh Ace, there’s a lot you don’t know.”

I was starting to get that. I was starting to understand that there was a lot more to Kynlee than I had anticipated. “I’m starting to get that so why don’t you fill me in. Tell me about your childhood.”

“Well, I have a younger brother and sister, I was really close to my mom and we moved a lot because my dad was in the military up until a few years ago. He retired, and we moved back to Texas since both of my parents are from there originally,” she explains.

“Was that a shock? Going from here to there?” Kynlee gave me a questioning look, “You went to school here your freshman year, right?”

“Yeah…I just didn’t realize that you knew that,” she answers quietly.

“I knew I remembered your face the first night I saw you, but then I saw you with Kenndrix and it all fell into place,” I explain to her. “So, are you close to your brother and sister?”

“Johnny and Brooke. Brooke, yes we’re very close but Johnny not so much, he’s my dad made over.”

“What do you mean?” I ask her.

A harsh laugh escapes her mouth. “I think basically I’m the last thing my dad expected. I’m probably his biggest disappointment so I guess it’s good he had two other kids.”

She plays with the sleeve of her jacket while I reach over and tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear. “I don’t know how you could be a disappointment to anyone.”

Her brown eyes lock on mine and for a minute the silence is heated with the electricity passing between us but Kynlee reaches for the medicine and hands it to me. “Take two of these.” I do as she says. She turns to leave but before I can think about it I grab her hand. She turns around and looks at me, I stare intently into her brown eyes. I hope she can read it in mine, I want her to stay but I can’t say that. Then Kynlee walks back toward me and climbs into bed next to me. Just like she always does. She can read me, she can see it in my eyes even when I can’t say it. She understands me in a way no one else ever has and it scares the hell out of me.

As she curls up next to me I think back to a night when my mom was still alive. I had told her that I’d never love a girl the way I loved her, she had laughed, that light airy laugh of hers and then pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Ace, my sweet boy, one day you will love so fully that it will feel like you are drowning within the soul of that person and I want you to remember on that day that I said this…love is like drowning but having to trust the other person to save you. It’s the best and most terrifying feeling in the world and one day you will love like that. She’ll be your angel Ace, she’ll save you even when you can’t save yourself.”

My angel? I’ve always wondered what my mom meant that night, but with Kynlee in my arms I wonder if maybe she wasn’t right. I swore that I’d never love anyone aside from my family after my mom died, but how do I stop what’s happening between Kynlee and me? This was supposed to just be for fun but I can’t help feeling like maybe she is my angel…

Kynlee is asleep within in minutes, she must have been exhausted. Her head is resting on my chest and her tiny hand is lying on my shoulder. I wrap my hand around her wrist and feel the steady beating of her pulse underneath. The steady rhythm is like music to my soul. I press a kiss to her forehead and my eyelids start to feel heavy with sleep and before I know it I’m out.

The cemetery builds around me, my brothers, dad, and me all stand around the open grave. I watch as they fill it with dirt and all I want to do is climb inside of it. With every shovel full of dirt placed on top of my mother I know my life is forever changed. Things will never be the same for me. I’ll never read her another book, I’ll never share another glass of lemonade with her, I’ll never hug her again. The tears start to run down my face silently but Jagger notices, just like he always notices. His arm comes around my shoulder. I lean against his side for support.

The grave is full before I know it, the people all start to walk away, back to their cars, back to their lives while I’m standing there. I’m lost and I’m numb and I just want my mom back. Jagger takes my hand in his and tries to pull me in the direction of our car but I won’t move. I’m rooted to this spot. Jagger doesn’t insist he just tells the others to go. He stands beside me, quietly for God knows how long.

It starts to rain and the wind picks up. I should be cold but I don’t feel it. Instead, I sit on the wet ground next to my mom. Jagger gives up and sits beside me, at some point Bowie joined us. Axell and Sadie come up, but instead of sitting with us Axell scoops me up and carries me away. I hit his back and kick with every ounce of strength I have. I’m screaming, “No, no, no!” while the tears run down my face mixed with the rain drops. I look over Axell’s shoulder and watch as we get further and further away from mom. We’re leaving her but I promised I wouldn’t. I keep telling Axell that but he keeps telling me it’s okay, but it’s not okay! Nothing will ever be okay again! I start to scream no again as I’m placed in the back seat. “No, no, no…!”

I’m no longer lying on my back with Kynlee curled up beside me. Instead I’m sitting up in my bed, covered in sweat with a few stray tears running down my cheeks. Kynlee is on her knees next to me in bed. This is why I never let anyone stay the night. This is why I never stay the night with anyone. The nightmares that haunt me, no one knows about them aside from my brothers and Sadie. I avert my eyes to the nightstand because I can’t find it within me to look at Kynlee. After a moment I feel the bed move under her weight. I knew she’d leave I think to myself. So, when her arms wrap around my shoulders they startle me. Her lips are cool when she presses a kiss to my neck. She didn’t leave, instead it’s like she knows I need to be held together.

Chapter 7

Kynlee

The last thing I had expected when I crawled into bed with Ace was this. If someone would have asked me to bet on the last thing I expected; this wouldn’t even be on the list, but here we are. I’m not sure what else to do but I can sense that he needs someone. When he had begun thrashing around and mumbling I had no idea what was going on. Once I was awake I could tell he was dreaming but I was still unsure of how to handle the situation. I knew that waking someone up could be dangerous. Unless you knew how they would react it wasn’t usually recommended, but I hated to hear Ace’s voice so strangled, almost like he was crying.

Ace continued to thrash around and his mumbles became cries and whispered, urgent yells. My heart broke for him. I was pretty sure this was about his mother so when I heard him whisper, ‘mom’ it didn’t shock me too much. I knew she had passed away while he was younger. I remembered Kenndrix talking about it once when I had first moved here. She could tell I was crushing on Ace and gave me all the details she knew which were actually more than I expected, but then again, she had lived here her entire life and even though they didn’t run in the same crowd or live in the same neighborhood she knew him. Then again everyone knew the James’ brothers.

Ace’s hands were balled into fists, gripping the sheets as if his life depended on it. His body was starting to glisten from the sweat. All I wanted to do was comfort him but I knew Ace, he wouldn’t want that from me. Seeing him suffering through this dream of his mother made me wonder if that was why he was indifferent. Was her death still haunting him? Was her death the reason he kept that wall up along with his badass façade?

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