Page 13 of Just Desserts

I was shaking, my body alternating between rage and panic. I knew I would have to face Jonathan sooner or later but that didn't make the experience any easier.

We can expand the bakery, we can have a baby!

His words echoed in my head. How desperate I was to hear those exact phrases when I planned our Thanksgiving get-away. In the last two years of our marriage I had begged to start trying for a family but Jonathan always put it off.

When I opened the bakery, he liked to use that as the reason we couldn't try for kids, as if the fault was on me for wanting to both have a job and be a mother. How easily he promised them now when it all meant nothing. In my rage, I forgot Wes was here until his giant ass boots stomped over the already shattered picture frames.

"What are you doing here Wes? I told you all I needed some time, plus I'm assuming Alyssa could use her family right now. Sounds like Jonathan broke things off with her." I tried not to sound bitter, I genuinely didn't want to put my family in a tough spot. That didn't mean I was planning on seeing Alyssa anytime soon. Well, I wouldn't miss an opportunity to spit on her grave though, a thought which gave me the warm fuzzies at the moment.

"You are our family Isla, and you need us. Alyssa can take care of herself, she made this mess herself and doesnt need you ofall people cleaning up after her. Also, I'm not so sure they're broken up." Wes replied.

"What? He's been calling me nonstop since I served him the divorce papers, swearing up and down that nothing was going on with him and Alyssa." I exclaimed, watching as a multitude of emotions crossed my cousin’s face.

"Well when she came by the other night she told all of us that they were in love." He finally said, spitting the words out as if they had a foul taste.

"They're in love with each other?" I asked him, genuinely gobsmacked.

"No, I said she TOLD us they're in love with each other. La, you've always been too nice for your own good. You've always tried to see the positive in Alyssa, even when she so clearly hated you." He said with a sigh as I looked at him confused. Showing rare insight I didn't know my cousin was capable of, he explained.

"Alyssa has always been jealous of you, she's been competing against you our entire lives whether you realized it or not. She lies and manipulates to get her way, she's thrown you under the bus more times than I can count and you always let her, hell half the time you threw yourself under the bus for her!" He yelled.

I frowned, I always knew that Alyssa felt competitive with me. When we were younger I had mentioned it to my mom, I had noticed a change in her behavior, always trying to one up me. Mom said she hadn’t noticed but promised to talk to Aunt Susie to see if there was anything we could do. I didn’t want to encourage the competition, I felt like it was unfair and was putting a wedge between us. I went out of my way to include her and try to make her see how much I cared for her. I guess Iburied my head in the sand and didn't see how much hate was brewing within her.

"You have to watch out for her, Isla. You need to stay away from both Alyssa and Jonathan. You didn't hear her the other night, she's on a totally new level. She's almost unhinged La, and you're her main target. She has it out for you, and even though she's the one in the wrong here she is always going to feel like everything bad in her life is because of you."

My heart hurt as I looked into Wes's downcast face. As much as he claimed he was done with Alyssa, I knew this was devastating. Wes was a family man, he cared immensely about all of us and felt a deep responsibility as the only other male child in the family. I knew at this moment he felt like he had failed both me and Alyssa. I went over and gave my cousin a hug, by firmly face planting into his chest.

"Want to help me burn some shit?" I muttered against his flannel. He let out a little chuckle and hugged me back.

"Sure, I've got the truck out back, throw whatever you want in there and we can do a bonfire out by the water."

"Perfect. You're standing on all the shit, so you throw it in the truck. I'll grab some supplies to make smores." I stepped back from him and went and grabbed some trash bags and a sweeper. I came back and saw Wes crouched over the pile of debris, pulling the wedding photo out of the wreckage. He looked up and we made eye contact.

Dropping the picture he dusted his hands on his pants and started shoving photos and frame pieces into the bag and eventually into the bed of his pickup truck. He waited next to me as I locked up the bakery then loped an arm around my shoulders.

"Come on cuz, let's get drunk and set shit on fire." I laughed and leaned into him as we walked to the car, already feeling lighter.

Chapter 12

Isla

Two months went by after my confrontation with Jonathan in the shop. I had let my staff know, with as little details as possible, that we were separated and to not let him in the shop. Wes wanted me to file a restraining order, but I just wanted to get through the divorce first.

The Christmas holiday was a strained affair, I knew I had to make an appearance or every family member would be up my ass. So despite every fiber of my being just wanting to hide out in my empty apartment, I went to my aunt and uncle's house. As we ate dinner, everyone studiously avoided mentioning Alyssa and Jonathan.

Instead of relief, it just upset me more. I hated how much damage this was all causing. To make matters worse, Wes had told everyone about Jonathan's visit. I begrudgingly agreed to let my lawyer know about the incident. Lydia said to keep all of his messages and record all interactions so we had the option to file a restraining order if we needed to down the line.

As deep in my rage as I was that night, I heard Jonathan when he said he wouldn't let me go. Jonathan liked power and control, and the fact that he had neither of those things with me was triggering him something fierce. I wasn't a possession, a mindless automaton happy to play the doting wife to an unfaithful husband. I had a mind, feelings and opinions of my own, and he was no longer factored into those. I knew it was eating him alive, since he continued to text and call meregularly.

Thankfully I was able to forward those to Lydia and let her listen to them rather than putting myself through that. Was he really so cocky he thought we would get back together? Or did he think I was so weak minded that I could look past this?It meant nothing!The three words that only make an affair worse. If it meant nothing, why did you do it? Does that mean when we slept together it meant nothing? You threw our lives away for something that meant nothing?

He disgusted me, and that shamed me. I had given so much of myself, so many years of my life to a man I could no longer stomach the thought of. I pinned all my hopes and dreams on a worm with a big ego. Getting back to work at the bakery, getting moved into the new apartment were small steps to regain my self identity. To make sure that I could be my own person, in charge of all aspects of my life.

I was very fortunate, I had great friends and great family, for the most part. And I had my bakery. I closed my eyes and sighed as I thought of all the wasted time and breath spent on fighting Jonathan for my bakery. I should have chosen the bakery over him as soon as it became an issue. The fact he was unwilling to support me in my number one dream until under threat of divorce was eye opening.

Now he was gone, and I had the time and energy to focus my all on the bakery. I had been channeling my grief by staying late at work experimenting, creating new flavors and combinations. We had cleaned out any and all reminders of he who must not be named from the shop and were slowly collecting more pieces to update the walls. Bit by bit I was reclaiming myself.

Last week, once we were sure Jonathan was at his office, Jen drove me back to the house to make a list of what I would need to pack up and bring to my new apartment. Jen was doing herbest, cracking jokes and keeping things light but once we were fully in the house I felt frozen. I looked around, taking in the furniture and rugs. None of it felt like it belonged to me.

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