Page 33 of Just Desserts

I didn't have to ask who theherin question was, he could only be talking about Alyssa. I nodded but didn't say anything, giving him the opportunity to get it all out was my priority.

"I always knew she had issues, especially when it came to Isla but I could never imagine this. There was a big age gap between us and when we were growing up she spent all her time with Isla so I honestly didn't pay that much attention to her. It wasn't until I was leaving for college that I started picking up on things. The night before I left she slept at Isla's house which wasn't unusual. I, well I went into her bedroom planning to steal her iPod to bring it to school with me." He told me slightly embarrassed, then continued.

"I was going through her stuff and I found her diary. I couldn't help but read it, thinking I would find out the name of her crush and use that to annoy her. So I was totally taken aback when I opened it and found literally pages upon pages talking about how much she hated Isla. The things she had written were horrible, especially for a kid, she was like 12 at the time!"

He looked at me and I could see the anguish in his eyes. After a hearty sip of his drink he leaned back in the booth.

"I don't know how long I stayed there reading it but I had to stop. I got to a page, I don't even remember what it said, what perceived slight Isla had done to warrant this entry but at the end of it Alyssa wrote that she had wished Isla had died instead of my Uncle. I was shocked, and to be honest scared. I was afraid to say anything to my parents because I didn't want to get her in trouble. I don't know, I probably should have."

"I tried to talk to her the next morning when she got back from her sleepover. She didn't take me seriously though. I remember her saying I couldn't try to be a big brother now that I was leaving, when I never had been one when I was home. I was shocked. I didn't think our relationship was different from other siblings, and I had no idea she harbored so much resentment towards me for not living up to what she believed about how a brother would behave."

"Once I was away at college, I made an effort to call and text her more often. We managed to develop a new sort of relationship now that I was no longer home. She would call me to complain about our parents or just catch me up on local gossip. I thought things were better, that she had maybe taken what I said into account after all. It wasn't until after that disaster visit senior year that I told her I knew about the diary." I winced as he made eye contact.

"Yeah, I know she tried something with you, I don't need thedetails but, c'mon Myles, you never lose your cool. For you to have left so abruptly like that, well lets just say I could put two and two together. Anyway, it was the next morning when you were still gone that I told her I had seen her diary. All the terrible things she had written about Isla. I basically told her she was delusional and needed to get help."

"I'm sorry, I should have told you when it happened I just didn't want to embarrass her. Or you." I replied.

"Don't worry about it, you did the right thing and still made sure she got home, which I appreciate. Anyway, instead of listening to anything I had to say she just got mad that I had read her diary. She turned the whole conversation around into how I had wronged her by betraying her trust. It's been sort of downhill from there. But this, I had never imagined her doing something like this. Maybe I was just fooling myself though."

Our food came shortly after and it was silent while we both ate. Once I had made a pretty good dent in dinner I took a break from eating.

"So, have you seen her, Alyssa, since all this came out?" I asked, sincerely curious to know how Alyssa explained this to her family, if she felt guilty for her actions.

"Well she came by the house after we found out about the divorce and her part in it. That conversation went about as well as you could expect. She was completely unapologetic, told us her and Jonathan were in love and that they couldn't help themselves. Which I call bullshit on. Anyway, it quickly devolved before Alyssa went on a rant about how we all like Isla more than her before storming out. My mother was a wreck, she was so upset my aunt wound up coming over to help my dad get her calmed down and into bed. I stayed over late, hoping my Dad would have an idea on how to fix it."

"Did he? Have an idea on how to fix it?" I asked. Charlie didn't talk much, but when he did it was usually to relay something important.

"Not really. He was mostly wondering where he went wrong, trying to blame it on himself. I wound up telling him about the diary then, ashamed it had taken me that long to fill him in. Between her rant earlier combined with the knowledge she'd been harboring this anger toward Isla, we agreed Isla needed us more. Alyssa had made her decision, she might even have wanted it to happen. I failed, not telling or showing anyone that diary. Maybe we could have gotten Alyssa into therapy or something but I should have told someone."

"You can't blame yourself Wes, just like you don't think your Dad is to blame."

"I know, I know that she's an adult and makes her own choices but I can't get rid of the guilt. I went by Alyssa's apartment the other day, to try and talk to her to see if she maybe had come to her senses." He said quietly, gauging my reaction.

"What did she say?" I replied evenly.

"She told me to leave because Jonathan was going to be there soon. Closed the door in my face. So, I think it's time to go full no contact. She's a toxic person." He replied dejectedly.

"Wes, from everything you've told me you've gone above and beyond to try and help Alyssa, and to try and get her to help herself. There's only so much you can do. If someone is stuck in a well you can throw down a rope but it's up to them to grab it and pull themselves out. You guys have offered her more than one opportunity to stop what she's doing, see the error in her ways.

“But there's only so much you can do. I think the best thingwould be to focus on your Mom and Dad, and yourself. You're allowed to just focus on yourself man, take a break from watching over everyone else." I spoke slowly, not wanting to overstep but wanting to provide some comfort to my friend.

"Wow, we got our very own Dr. Phil over here. Any other amazing insights for me? Or is this just your way of saying I should take a break from watching over Isla since you've got that covered now?" He waggled his eyebrows at me and I sighed looking down.

"Someone had a date at the bakery." Wes continued in a sing-song voice.

I desperately wanted to ask Wes what he had heard, if Isla had mentioned me but I refrained. I knew the only way to go about a relationship with Isla is to ask her directly. No secrets, no game of telephone, if I wanted to know something, she should be the one to tell me. That didn't mean I wasn't thinking about her.

To be honest, all of my thoughts revolved around Isla, they had since that first moment I saw her. Now though, I wasn't trying to repress them. I knew I was borderline obsessed, but I had never felt this way before. It wasn't just infatuation or lust, I felt like I would literally do anything just to make her smile.

"Jesus you're pathetic, man." Wes said while he was chewing his food.

"Why's that?" I asked, returning to my meal as well.

"All it took was saying her name and you're over there grinning like you've just won the Stanley Cup. It's adorable. Pathetic, but adorable. You're smitten."

Wes laughed at me. I shrugged, neither confirming or denying. Thankfully we moved on and got back to talking about lessemotionally draining topics. I listened as Wes told me about the latest projects he was working on and I told him the upcoming events at the hotel. The rest of the meal passed in easy camaraderie.

"It was good seeing you! Let's make sure to do it again soon." I yelled to Wes as we exited the restaurant.

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