Page 50 of Backstage

I follow him hesitantly to the center of the stage and, when I see him grab the acoustic guitar, I do the same with mine. When the audience realizes what is happening, it explodes in a louder roar than the one that welcomed us, which rumbles in my gut. I keep my eyes on Damian and it’s only when he smiles slightly and nods at me that I realize he’s started playing. I take a deep breath. The crowd noise is muffled by my earphones playing back our music, and I discover it’s easier to just think about singing and avoid wandering in the direction of Brad. It’s like living in my own bubble, and my nausea slowly turns into familiar excitement.

Damian, as promised, won’t let go of me for a moment, and it feels like I’m sitting on his lap, and he’s holding me tightly. The security that he instills in me is the same. It’s strange how I’ve always seen him as a world-renowned rock star, handsome and unreachable, almost a daydream, but now he’s somehow become everything that keeps me anchored to reality. My heart pumps in my chest, not in fear, but in the emotion of losing myself in those intense eyes. I’m lying on that bed again, cuddled up to his body as scenes from the movie scroll across the screen. His hand distractingly caresses the skin on my arm. I imagine my hand resting on his belly, my head on his chest, getting lulled by his calm breath and the steady rhythm of his heart.

Next to Damian, I feel confident enough to turn my gaze towards Brad and sing my verse: “Jude, I watched you grow and become a woman. Take your fears by the hand and walk them out of your life.” The feeling of power I have right now over my former classmate is almost destabilizing. I need to bring my eyes back to Damian so I don’t faint from emotion, and when I do, I find him with a smile so wide it blows my mind.

As soon as we finish the song, the audience is delirious. I cast an eye in the direction of Brad, who has stopped sneering and got serious.What’s the matter? Did you think I was gonna look like shit?I send a mocking smile in his direction and turn to my bandmates, who joined me on stage. I hurry to put the guitar down and pull the bass over my shoulder without ever looking away from Damian, who parades to the side of the stage and stops just behind the black curtains. All the Jailbirds are there, and they are smiling as if there was nothing more beautiful in the world. And maybe it is, because I realize that I just faced my worst fear and didn’t die, didn’t vomit, didn’t faint, I just grew up. I stood in front of Brad, my biggest nightmare, and I sang, showing him that I’m not afraid of him anymore.

Luke settles into the microphone and, with a smile that goes from ear to ear, winks at me, then he directs his eyes at Brad. “This song was written by Lilly. It’s a message for the assholes who tortured her when we were in school. It’s called ‘I Will Rise Stronger.’ This one’s for you, Brad.”

From here, I see our former classmate frothing with rage, trying to leave, but the kids in the front row are holding him back. When Luke sings the verse, “Every time you push me down, I will rise stronger,” we can hear the crowd roar even with our earphones on. I lay my eyes on Brad and almost feel sorry for him, seeing the pats of pity on the shoulder he is receiving. I look up again at Luke and find him smiling at me, my blond angel who has always looked over my shoulder, someone I couldn’t live without. “Thank you,” I whisper even though he can’t hear me, but from the smile and the wink he gives me, I can see the message reached him.

The happiness that expands in my chest is unparalleled, and before I know it, it’s time for the Jailbirds to take the stage to perform with us. I’m so excited I almost jump to the beat of the music and, next to me, Simon bursts out laughing like a little boy.

It’s right now, in front of this whole delirious crowds, that I realize my biggest dream is coming true: I’ve become a professional musician. The crowd is out of their minds partly because the most famous band in the world is on stage with us, but also because we managed to entertain them. It’s the most spectacular feeling I’ve ever had in my life.

We end our set with the Jailbirds introducing us, and the roar is so surreal my arm hairs stand up. We walk off then stop at the side of the stage to see them play. They are the epitome of energy, and Damian, with his guitar and his hair loose, drives everyone crazy with his voice. I’ve been to many concerts, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard energy like what’s on stage right now. They were born to be up there; anyone can see they were meant to bring their music and energy to their adoring fans. They’re perfect, and they know it, with their heart attack physiques and tattoos making them look more like rock stars than ever. They’re living the dream, and they’re having a great time doing it.

“So? How are you feeling?” I turn around to find Luke, Martin, and Taylor looking at me like I’m going to shatter into a million pieces. I smile, and their faces relax a bit.

“Do you want the truth?”

They nod in unison.

“I feel more excited and alive than I’ve ever been in my life. After this, nothing can stop me! I swear that was the craziest, and most frightened and excited I’ve ever been.”

Their faces light up like children in front of birthday presents, and, without saying a word, all three of them hug me, suffocating me in a group hug. We start jumping around and laughing like twelve-year-olds.

“Do you realize they’ve already started talking about us? I don’t know about you, but my phone is blowing up with notifications,” says Luke with one arm wrapped around my shoulders.

“I have hundreds of tags to a YouTube video of ‘I Will Rise Stronger’ taken from the front rows. It already has tens of thousands of views. It’s barely been half an hour!” Taylor’s as incredulous as we are watching the numbers on his phone.

I realize now that I’ve been so excited that I haven’t even looked at my phone. I pull it out of my pocket and try to press the power button. “Mine’s dead,” I giggle

“Too many notifications, even mine went to hell a few minutes ago,” shrugs Martin.

“It’s incredible,” whispers Taylor as he scrolls through his notifications.

Evan’s voice behind us makes us spin round. “Not that unbelievable, you’re the best up-and-coming band around. Even Jailbirds fans are singing your songs. You’ve overcome the toughest obstacle of all—to win over the audience.”

Standing in a shirt and jacket, but no tie, with his fancy shoes and a pair of jeans that look drawn on him, he’s both casual and elegant. I don’t know how he does it.

“Stop it! You’ll make us blush,” says Martin with a grin.

Evan bursts out laughing. “Yeah, sure. No wonder you’re blushing.” He moves closer to us and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Congratulations on your performance earlier. It was perfect,” he whispers in my ear, making my heart race into my throat.

I turn to him and he smiles with a conspiratorial glance. Now I’m really blushing.

“What are you doing here?” Luke asks the question we’ve all been wondering.

“I’m making sure no one makes you sign a contract that isn’t mine. There are way too many vultures at this festival.” He laughs, but he’s serious.

My head is spinning. I still can’t get over how we went from playing clubs in Brooklyn without ever crossing the bridge into Manhattan to attending one of the biggest festivals in the United States. “Don’t worry, we have no intention of being fooled by anyone else but you,” I tell Evan, and he laughs and wraps his arms around me, drawing me slightly closer.

We stand at the side of the stage, watching the Jailbirds’ performance, as excited as kids until the last song. When they finish and come towards us to exit the stage, Evan puts his hand on my shoulder and guides me to the side, making room for them to get off and the next group to get on. The whole thing feels much more intense than an ordinary concert.

“Don’t make me rip your arms off, Evan, please.” Damian’s voice comes in quiet but serious enough that I’m sure he would.

The manager raises his hands above his head in a sign of surrender. I roll my eyes while the others start laughing.

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