Page 74 of Backstage

When I got onto that bus, I wanted to convince Lilly I hadn’t done anything, but the more I went on with my speech, the more I realized I couldn’t drag her into the shit that is my life. My past isn’t ever gonna leave me alone, and the future isn’t as rosy as I thought. As much as my heart tells me I would never have the courage to do that to a woman, my father did the same things to my mother. Those pictures prove that my blood is as rotten as his. Lilly deserves a life, a career, not to stand next to someone who’s accused of rape. I can’t drag her down with me while I’m sinking.

I get on our bus and find Thomas, Michael, and Simon looking like someone just died.

“It’s in the papers.” Thomas’ voice is thick with emotion. “Outside the stadium, the photographers and crowds waiting in line for the show have gone crazy.”

The first hiccups seize me before I even notice, then the tears start flowing. I collapse on my knees in the middle of our bus, my hands over my face, my friends’ arms holding me tight, so I don’t fall apart. I haven’t cried this much—two days straight—since my mother died.

People:

Damian Jones, front man for the Jailbirds, is accused of rape by a Los Angeles woman. The singer denies all accusations, but the photos of Eva Bail’s swollen face have now gone viral. The woman’s husband claims that after refusing to have sex with the singer, Jones beat her and sexually assaulted her. If this is confirmed by the investigation, it could mean a prison sentence and the end of the singer’s career.

Gossip Now:

Apparently, the famous singer Damian Jones isn’t as good as everyone thinks he is. Eva Bail, a bartender at a Los Angeles club, accused the singer of battery and sexual assault. Photos of the woman’s swollen face have gone viral, leaving the Jailbirds in an uncomfortable position. The singer denies any involvement, but the evidence against him appears to be strong.

Luke’s arms hold me tight as I wipe away the tears. I’m still sitting where Damian left me less than twenty minutes ago. Martin and Taylor are in the living room, checking every existing news site in an almost frenetic way, and between one “holy shit” and another, I understand that things are not going well for Damian. They tell me the story is going viral, and everyone is lashing out at him.

“You knew about this? Is that why you were crying last night?” Luke whispers to me.

I nod. “That’s why Evan rushed to Los Angeles. Her lawyer contacted them.”

“Damian came to tell you he didn’t do it?”

“He told me he doesn’t remember ever meeting that woman. But there are pictures...”

“Do you believe him? Do you think he might have done something like this?” he asks hesitantly.

We’re all surprised and overwhelmed by the news. I know he’s sincere when he says he has no memory of that night, but I wonder how a person’s brain could have short-circuited to the point that there’s no trace of such a violent event in his memory. Maybe because of the trauma of seeing his mother die the way she did? I’m so overwhelmed with emotion I can’t think coherently enough to find a logical explanation for it.

“You know Damian. He’s gruff and tough, but in the end, he’s a good person,” I reply to Luke. “On the other hand, there are the photos, tangible proof that he met that woman, and I don’t know how to piece the puzzle together. I believe him when he tells me he doesn’t remember, but...”

“But that woman couldn’t have made it all up. There must be something real,” my friend finishes the sentence that I couldn’t bring myself to say.

I nod and look down. “It won’t be our problem anymore, will it? The day after tomorrow, we go home, continue with our career, and we won’t have to deal with them anymore.” I smile bitterly as I look into his eyes.

“Lil...about what he said to you... I think he was just angry about this situation.” His tone is hesitant.

“No, Luke, I told him I loved him and he said I was a mediocre fuck. There’s nothing to misunderstand, no double meaning, not even a little hidden meaning. Don’t get my hopes up. I’m already sick as it is.”

Luke seems to want to answer me, but Taylor peeks in my bedroom door. “Evan wants us all on the Jailbirds’ tour bus right away for an emergency meeting.” He puts on a half-painted smile of pity when he looks into my puffy eyes.

Luke and I get up and go join the others. We figured there would be a meeting since we’re supposed to be in full soundcheck now, but haven’t even gone near the Staples Center’s doors. As soon as we step outside, we hear the noise of the crowd that’s here for the concert. It’s far away from us, but we can hear the buzzing.

“Do you think they’ll go ahead with the concert or move it to another day?” Taylor asks what we’ve all been wondering the last few hours.

“I’d be more worried whether or not they’ll arrest him, given his record.” Martin quips, and gets a nasty look from Luke and me. “Excuse me, but have you read the papers? It’s pretty serious. Did you take a look at her face?”

I look down and say nothing.

“The papers also said you were fucking Lilly. I don’t think that’s true,” Luke remarks.

We keep quiet until we get to the bus, then we knock, and Simon lets us on. He has a tight smile, and when I walk past him, he puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes lightly. The comforting gesture almost makes me burst into tears again. We stand, leaning against the small kitchen shelf, while the Jailbirds sit on the sofas, their faces tense. Thomas tries to smile at me, but I look down, not wanting to meet Damian’s eyes. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. His gaze is fixed on his fingers crossed tightly in front of him, his eyes red... I’ve never seen him so vulnerable. Last night he was shocked, almost stunned by the news, incredulous and unable to find the words. Now he seems resigned to a fate that has already condemned him as guilty.

All four of them seem to have aged ten years, and my heart breaks for them. This story will bring to light all of their secrets. I have no idea why they kept it hidden that they were in prison, but no one deserves to be exposed in this way without telling their side. The press will condemn them for something they’ve already paid for. In these past months, I’ve come to understand that you cannot escape the media taunting, and now more than ever, I comprehend Damian’s obsession with privacy.

Evan’s voice from upstairs almost scares the hell out of us. He’s screaming on the phone with someone, we hear him kick something, then silence and the sound of his shoes coming down the stairs. When he appears on the threshold, his face is haunted, and for a split second, he seems surprised to see us standing here.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” he announces in a tired voice. “I’ve just spoken to the record company. They won’t cancel tonight’s concert unless it’s strictly necessary.”

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