Page 52 of The Senator: Raphael

The anger rising in my stomach is almost painful. “I don’t know what your problem is with me and I don’t care. Do you think everything is about money? Because I’ve got news for you, honey. Not everyone is greedily going after your best friend.”

“So, what do you want? For him to love you back?” He mocks me with an irritating smile.

I overlook the fact that he thinks I have feelings for his friend. I don’t even want to gotherewith my thoughts. “I know he’ll never fall for anyone. Do you think I don’t know about Kelsey?” He seems surprised, probably not expecting Raphael to tell me. “Yes, he told me, and I’m not dumb enough to think that he’ll forget her and fall madly in love with me. And honestly, I don’t care. I would settle for a loveless marriage if that was a possibility.”

He grinds his teeth, clearly uncomfortable with where this conversation is going. “So, what do you want?” he barks.

“Do you have my back, Matthew?” I ask with a smile, studying his every expression.

He frowns, genuinely thinking about my question. “I’m in a car with you instead of at the office running a campaign—what do you think?” he asks angrily.

“I didn’t ask if you were here because Raphael asked you to be. I asked if you havemyback. Do you realize I panicked in front of that school because I thought someone was following me? Are you prepared to keep me safe? If I agree to give my life to Raphael and stay until he steps foot in the White House, are you willing to protect me? Because I’ll have a massive target on my back, not only from the people I sent to prison, but from everyone who digs up my past and wants an explanation. Are you willing to protect me from that? My kids, because at some point they’ll demand kids, will become a reason to blackmail me. And are you ready to protect them? Do you havemyback Matthew?”

He clenches his jaw and looks down before shifting his gaze out the window.

“Because if I have to be honest with you, Matthew, I feel completely alone. The only one who gives a shit about me is Raphael. Everyone else sees me as a pawn in their own game.”

As soon as Silver comes home from her first visit to a school, I know something is wrong. She smiles at me, but she looks like she’s holding back tears.

“What happened?” I ask, my heart hammering in my chest.

Matthew would have called if something alarming had happened during the visit, but he wouldn’t bother if she’s just upset for something not life-threatening.

“It was a good day. I loved being around those kids,” she answers meekly.

I study her. She’s not lying but she’s not telling me everything either. “It doesn’t seem like it. What’s bothering you?” I insist and hope she opens up with me.

There’s something haunting in her eyes that wasn’t there this morning and it breaks my heart.

“It’s just… Nothing, it doesn’t matter,” she mumbles, looking defeated.

I stand up, come around the desk, and grab her hand to pull her to me. I hug her tightly, hoping to convey all the warm she needs to chase away the clouds in her eyes.

“It matters to me,” I whisper and she pushes back a bit to look me in the eye.

She strips me naked of my walls, baring my soul. For the first time in my life, I’m not scared to show to a woman how vulnerable I feel. Maybe it’s the intimacy of my office, or maybe I’ve just become comfortable with her during these three months together, but I don’t feel the need to hide from her.

“Today I went there looking for problems to solve, but I found nothing. Or at least, nothing that more funds can’t solve. They’re happy, they help each other out, and they don’t need us to do anything but open our wallet and give them the money they deserve,” she explains, but I’m more confused than before.

She senses my puzzlement and continues. “It’s the kind of community where every kid is taken care of. Maybe they’re not rich, but they have each other’s backs. I don’t have that. I can’t afford to think about having a family because I am utterly alone. Nobody has my back. Nobody will take care of my kids if something happens to me. And the chances of something ugly happening to me are pretty high.”

I hear the tremble in her voice and read the pain in her eyes. She feels hopeless, and I don’t know how to fix it. It breaks my heart seeing her like this because part of this unhappiness is my fault. I dragged her into this mess, showing off what she could have and asking for more, without giving her the certainty of a future. Of course, I can give her money, a comfortable life, but she never wanted those things. She needs them, but she never sought them out greedily. What she desperately craves is a family to belong to, and all I have to give her is a fake one.

“I have your back. You can count on me. Maybe I don’t love you in a romantic way, but I care about you. You’re smart, funny, beautiful, and you have a big heart. If I have to imagine spending a life with someone, the only person I could think is you. I can take care of you. I can take care of your kids if something happens to you and you can’t take care of them. I can be that man for you,” I end almost in a whisper.

Tears well up in her eyes and a mixture of hope and fear cross her face. “I knew you would say that, and I really appreciate it. But you’re the only one. Nobody else will stick around for me. Nobody in their right mind shouldwantto stay by my side. The people around me now, they want to protectyou, not me. They are loyal toyou, not me. I’ll always be the outsider.” Her voice cracks with emotion.

The desperation in her eyes tells me she thinks she can’t be loved. She’s trying to push everyone away in an effort to save them. Like she did with her family.

“You’re always the one trying to protect everybody, but you don’t let anyone protect you. You don’t let anyone in because you’re scared you’ll lose them. I get that. Trust me, I understand that feeling. I’m asking you to let me help you get what you want,” I whisper, cradling her face between my hands. I dry a tear escaping the corner of her eyes.

“I had a family, and I don’t even know if they’re alive or not. I don’t know if I can handle losing another one. I won’t survive it,” she whispers back.

“They’re alive and well,” I tell her, gauging her reaction to the news.

She frowns. “What?”

“I got a phone call yesterday; I was waiting for more info before telling you. I called in some favors, and I asked about your family. They couldn’t tell me anything about their location or their new names, for security reasons, but I know they’re alive, and they’re doing fine. Your mom, dad, and sister are living their lives because you chose to sacrifice your happiness for theirs. You kept them safe, Silver. Now it’s your turn to be happy,” I say, and I see all her walls crumbling.

---