Page 59 of The Senator: Raphael

I lean in and close the distance between us. I brush his lips with mine and sense the initial surprise that catches him. The small gasp from his lips is all I need to be drawn into his vulnerability, into the depth of the abyss he’s hiding inside. He willingly carries the weight of the world, stubbornly trying to help everyone. But there is something underneath the strong surface, a fear that runs deep in his bones that no one else sees.

We’re so alike in so many ways it’s scary. Which is why, when I slip my tongue into his mouth, it’s like coming home. And it’s terrifying. It’s been eight years since I had a home, someone to come back to, and the idea of losing it again is enough to tie my stomach in knots. A gut-wrenching feeling that almost makes me bolt.

Almost. Because there’s something in Raphael that I don’t want to let go of. His fierce resolution to keep me safe. For the first time in my life, I have someone else in my corner. I’m not alone, and the thought is irresistible.

He stays there, kissing me back with a slow, tantalizing passion that ignites my body. He is not taking charge of this moment. He’s giving me his most valuable gift, his vulnerability. I slip my fingers under the fabric of the shirt he never buttoned, and I pull it off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor.

I put my hands flat on his chest and push him on the bed, straddling his hips. He closes his eyes while I trace the arch of his eyebrows with the tip of my fingers. I move to his straight nose, the soft curves of his lips. I want to commit to memory the perfect features of his face.

I lower down to kiss him slowly and take my time to enjoy the feeling. His hands slide under my t-shirt and with a quick gesture I take it off. I turn back to lean against his body. Skin against skin, shivering when my naked breasts caress his defined chest.

I kiss every inch of his skin, enjoying his body quivering under my touch, and when I reach the waistband of his boxer briefs, I linger a bit, tantalizing the soft dark hair covering his lower belly down to his crotch. I lick and nip my way down, hooking a couple of fingers under the hem of the fabric and freeing his semi-hard shaft.

I skim his velvety, hot erection with feather-light kisses and seal my lips over the bead of precum leaking from his tip. He moans softly, never opening his eyes. He is letting me do whatever I want with his body, and I feel the weight of this moment. I take him in my mouth and suck, eliciting a deep groan from his chest.

His erection grows on my tongue, pulsing and leaking salty drops down my throat. I take him deep until he is on the verge of coming undone, then I stand, take off my panties and straddle him, slipping his shaft into my wet core. Slow and deep, connecting every part of me with every part of him. I lay on his chest, wrapping my fingers around the back of his neck.

I roll my hips in a crescendo of wetness, pleasure, sweat, and hot breath. I take him deep and slow, and when my pussy clenches around his cock, triggering his own orgasm, he wraps his arms around my body, coming undone in my arms.

It’s the most powerful, raw connection I’ve ever had with a man. The lines are so blurred I don’t know where the physical pleasure ends and the emotional connection starts. Because this moment doesn’t taste just like sex; it has the bittersweetness of making love.

Silver is sleeping next to me, and watching the peaceful pout on her lips makes me want to kiss her until she wakes up and then kiss her a bit more. Yesterday’s fight comes to my mind and a weird feeling stirs in my chest.

I can’t stop thinking about the hurt in her eyes when she thought I’d been fucking Jenny. The raw emotions she shows only in the privacy of this home are something I’ll never get used. It’s like she feels safe enough with me to let down the walls she’s built over the years. It’s an honor I’m not sure I deserve.

Yesterday, I fell apart. Telling her about Jenny and the things I do with the FBI was like grabbing the weight on my shoulders and throwing it out the window. Apart from Dave, not even Matthew or Harrison knows the extent of what I do. They know I meet with Jenny from time to time, but they think I do it out of an obligation to check on her.

Telling Silver about the rest was as liberating as ripping a giant band-aid off my heart and I started to bleed. I let her see me vulnerable, something I’ve never done before with a woman, and it felt like discovering another world, a better one.

“Hey,” her sleepy voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

“I think we should do something this morning,” I blurt out with no warning.

She frowns and her puzzled expression is so adorable I don’t know if I can resist kissing and making love to her.

“What?”

“Let’s go have breakfast on the beach,” I say, and she seems to relax.

A smile forms on her face and I’m glad she’s in for it. “I’ll put on my bikini,” she answers with a yawn as she stretches and rubs her eyes. “And stop staring at me like a creep while I sleep.”

I chuckle and jump out of bed to go to check if everything is ready while I wait for her to get dressed.

We reach the small beach near Malibu an hour later. It’s deserted, especially during the week, It’s a bit difficult to reach the sandy bottom through the thick low shrubs. Not even the surfers come to venture out and surf in these waters, with its hidden dangerous rocks. I discovered it a few years back when I needed to escape my father and didn’t know where else to go.

As we settle on the blanket facing the ocean, I open the lid of the cooler we brought with us. Silver closes her eyes and inhales deeply. A contented smile appears on her face and I’m curious to know what’s in her head.

“What are you thinking?” I ask, handing her some fruit and the yogurt we brought.

“I’m originally from the Midwest, so I was just gloating about how much I like the weather here.”

I laugh. She never talks about her previous life and I’m sometimes curious. I don’t press her but the longer we live together, the more she opens up.

“Do you miss anything besides the weather?” I half-tease her. I’m genuinely interested about what she went through.

She shrugs and turns toward me. “Not really. I was going to live in a big city anyway, I didn’t have a lot of opportunities there. The only thing I went back for was to visit my family, but not having them there, I don’t miss other things so much.”

I nod and try to comprehend what it means to decide to part ways with the family you love. When Alba and Kelsey died, they were ripped away from my life. It was hard, but I knew I could do nothing to bring them back. I can’t imagine surviving after willingly walking away from them. I would probably have taken the selfish route and kept them with me, even if that was the most dangerous option. I’m not as strong as Silver.

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