Page 10 of The Actor: Harrison

I refresh the festival’s website page for the millionth time. It’s not there. My short movie and my name are not in the list of the ten finalists that will be shown at the festival in front of avid fans of indie movies and some Hollywood bigshots.

I’m not discouraged because I think my work isn’t good enough for the festival. I know it is, but the competition is fierce this year. I know every single person on this list and they are all great directors, even the less famous ones. There were more than four thousand entries. I’m not in the top ten, but maybe I’m eleventh or twelfth.

The problem is the twenty-thousand-dollar prize and the sponsorship for the next movie. I need that money, because I’m running out of savings to pay for this apartment and I will soon be in serious trouble.

Andthatsponsorship. I’m not sure how much it covers, but a bit of money on the new movie wouldn’t be bad.

“Are you still staring at that page?” Harper’s incredulous voice comes from the front door.

I was so focused on whining at my defeat I didn’t even realize she came home. She is staring at me wide eyed.

“Maybe,” I mumble guiltily.

“I went out three hours ago!” she points out.

“I lost track of time.” I make an excuse but the truth is that since the party at Kevin’s house seven days ago, I crawl from my bed to the couch without finding the courage to call him. Staring at this page is another way to avoid my fate.

“Listen, you fucked up. Royally. Get over it. You can’t go back to that party and find someone to give you money for the movie. Find another way,” she says, sitting down on the coffee table in front of me.

She’s right, I know it, and I usually don’t sit around beating myself up for what went wrong. I wake up the next day and fight like hell until I find some way to get my movie done. But this time I feel overwhelmed. It’s the biggest project I’ve got myself into and the pressure is high.Welcome to Hollywood!

“I know, it’s just that I’m not cut out to be the charming goddess who charms people into doing what she wants. Give me a movie to film, I know exactly what to do and I thrive doing it. Ask me to smile and charm my way into someone’s wallet, I’m not even sure where to start.”

“Oh, I have no doubt about that,” she scoffs.

I feel a pang of guilt inside my chest. That was the worst screw-up that night. I may not like Harrison Bates but I have no excuse for how I treated him.

“I know I was rude,” I mumble.

“Rude?” She raises an eyebrow, scolding me.

“Okay. I was savage. I know I made a mistake.” I finally concede.

But she’s not finished. “You destroyed that poor guy. He looked like you kicked him in the balls and then spit on him lying there on the ground.”

I know. I’ve never treated someone like that but I was panicking and I blurted out all the thoughts I have about him, getting even more riled up when he defended himself.

“You should apologize to him.” It’s not the first time she suggests that but I die of shame every time I think about doing something like that. He probably wouldn’t accept my apology and kick me to the curb instead.

“Do I look like someone that has celebrities on speed dial?”

She rolls her eyes and stands up. “You work in Hollywood, how hard is it?”

“I work in thesuburbsof Hollywood!” I shout while she strolls to her room, chuckling.

As if my week wasn’t already bad enough, someone decides that screwing with me would be fun and my phone lights up with Kevin’s name, throwing daggers at me.

“You have got to be kidding me,” I breath out, grabbing my phone, unsure if I should answer or let it go to voicemail. “Screw it!” I say before pressing the green button.

“Hi, Kevin,” I chirp more confident than I feel.

“Come to my place, we need to talk,” he says curtly before hanging up.

When a man tells youWe need to talkit’s bad news. But when the man who holds your entire career in his hands tells you that, it’s pack-your-bag-and-leave-the-country kind of news.

“What happened?” Harper’s frowning face peeks around the door jamb.

“Kevin called. He wants to meet me at his place,” I explain.

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