Page 15 of The Actor: Harrison

“I wasn’t talking about love. I’m talking about sex,” I point out. “This movie is about a single father who loses his only daughter in a car accident. When he sues the company that made the child’s car seat they flip the table, accusing him of negligence and manslaughter for the death of his own daughter. He spends the entire movie trying to prove his innocence while grieving the death of his only child. A person who watches this movie goes through raw, painful, grief, anger and despair. You can’t fade to black on the only moment he finally fucks a bit of his pain out of his system. Quite literally in this case.” I can see a lot of people nodding in approval at my proposal but Sienna doesn’t budge.

I can see it in her expression that she won’t take my suggestion and I’m almost ready to play theI will cut your fundingcard until she speaks.

“Do you feel the need to be naked in every movie? Seriously, what’s wrong with you? If your main purpose in life is to show off your body, I suggest you find another kind of movie where you can play naked.”

The blow hits me square in the gut. Nobody is breathing for a long moment, and I’m not either. No matter how hard I try to crawl out of this pit, there is someone ready to shove me down again. I lower my gaze and try to focus to find the words for a reply, but nothing comes.

“Actually, I think this is a good idea,” Viola intervenes. “I have the same note on my script because I was surprised that after everything he went through, he doesn’t get the break he clearly deserves. I vote for the full sex scene.”

I feel her leg press against mine under the table and I smile, hoping she understands how grateful I am.

“You’ll be mostly naked in that scene, are you comfortable with that?” Sienna asks Viola, still not conceding an inch.

Viola scoffs. “In my movie debut, I had a two-minute scene with a full-frontal nude shot where you clearly see my vagina for thirty-eight seconds. I think I’m past being shy in front of the camera.” Someone barks out a laugh. “If the scene isn’t just meaningless sex, I think it adds to the narrative, not cheapen it.”

I stay silent as I observe Sienna take in a deep breath and think about it.

“Actually, I already rewrote the scene because I thought it was missing something, and I removed the fade to black. He’s right. The protagonist needs a bit of a break and the audience needs to see it too.”

Sienna thinks a bit more and finally agrees. “Fine. But nothing vulgar.”

Everyone lets out a sigh of relief.

The rest of the reading goes on quite smoothly. We’re all tired and wanting to wrap it up and go home. When Sienna finally lets us out, someone bolts out of the room like a college kid ready for spring break.

Sienna’s eyes land on mine and she pins me with a stern look. “A word,” she says when people start to leave the room.

Viola gives me a little sympathetic nudge and then waves at me before walking out.

When we’re alone, Sienna lets the mask drop and shows all her loathing toward me. “I don’t know how you convinced them to put you on the contract, but if you think you’re going to sink this movie by undermining my authority or playing a mediocre part, you are very mistaken.”

I shake my head and smile sadly. She really hates my guts and I don’t even know why. Just for beingme? I’m the Hollywood golden boy and she is struggling. I get that. But I’m not doing it on purpose.

“You can sleep easy tonight. I’m here to show you and all those people who think I’m a failure, that I’m actually a damn good actor,” I hiss in her face before walking out of the room and slamming the door behind me.

This will be the hardest movie I have ever filmed and I’m not sure I can endure it.

“Cut!” Ellen, the assistant director, shouts for what seems like the millionth time today. I look at her next to me and see the pained expression on her face.

This isn’t working. This scene is the last in a long list that isn’t working. We are ten days into filming and twenty-five since my brutal fight with Harrison at the table read and nothing changed. We keep fighting and shooting the scenes over and over. We are already late in the schedule and we’re barely at the beginning. Kevin has already called me twice to yell at me about costs skyrocketing and less budget for promotion.

I don’t even have to say anything to Ellen and she yells “Reset!” to do it all over again. People start bustling around the set to put everything as it was in the beginning of the scene, ready to film it for the eighteenth time today. I can see on everyone’s faces here they’re not happy about how this shooting is going and I feel the anger growing in my belly.

As a director, it is my job to direct the scene exactly how I want it, but to do so, I have to communicate with the actors about what I want, and Harrison and I are clearly not communicating.

I’m losing control and credibility on my own set.

I stand up and approach Harrison, who is looking at my scowl. I take a deep breath trying to dampen my fury before reaching him and making things worse.

“Okay. There is clearly something not working in this scene,” I say in a low voice, to avoid everyone witnessing our confrontation. It’s already bad enough that I can’t make him do what I want.

“Oh, you think so?” He raises a challenging eyebrow.

“Why can’t you get angry? I mean, you’re furious with me, can’t you put a some of that into what you’re doing?” I raise my voice a little more than before. If he thinks he can mock me, he will learn soon enough how mistaken he is.

He scoffs, making my nervousness expand in my stomach.

“Because I shouldn’t get angry in this scene, can’t you see it?” He explains it like I’m five years old.

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