Page 31 of The Actor: Harrison

I lean back on the couch and sigh. The problem with what just happened is not that she dodged my kiss. It’s what would I have done if she hadn’t. I didn’t have any plan except the kiss. I don’t know if I wanted it to go on or stop at that. It was an impulse reaction to my attraction to her, and I was going to fuck up everything for I don’t know what.

I can honestly say that this time I reasoned with my dick, and I can confirm that my dick makes really bad decisions. Every time I screwed up with a woman it was because I gave in at my attraction for someone instead of taking a step back, a deep breath, and a cold shower.

I can’t fuck up my relationship with Sienna and jeopardize my career in the process. My cock twitches in my pants, reminding me it will give me hell for this decision.

“I can do this,” I mumble to myself staring at Harrison’s trailer.

Yesterday I was in front of this same trailer, but at a different location, and I didn’t know I was going to spend the night awake thinking about an almost kiss. Because he was totally going to kiss me. I have no doubt about that.

I freaked out, bad. I didn’t know what to do so I just bolted. That’s not like me. I face my problems and tackle them until they’re behind me like a slight inconvenience in my life. Not this time, because I don’t even know if a kiss is a problem. I mean, it’s a huge screw-up, but at the same time, I wanted to taste those luscious lips. From a professional point of view, it’s an undeniable mistake, but from a personal point of view, it’s been so long since I’ve had a man in my life that even Harrison would do for a kiss. He is gorgeous, I can’t argue that.

I take a deep breath, snap out of my indecision, and knock on his door.

“Come on in!”

I open the door, step in, and find Harrison scribbling something down on his script. I’m always amazed by how much he prepares for his part. He obviously knows his lines, but it’s not just that. While most actors run their lines, he goes over and over the scene, making it his. It’s like he islivingthe scene, not just playing it.

I was massively mistaken in judging his work ethic before even knowing him, assuming he was shallow based only on rumors and his social life. And I regret it, because I contributed to creating a toxic workplace for him and for everyone dealing with our fights. Normally I’m not like that, but I let my personal experience with toxic men take the reins of my decisions.

When he looks up from the page, he smiles at me. “Sorry, I needed to get this down before I forget it.”

I sit in front of him, avoiding the awkwardness of yesterday’s closeness. “Do you need help with it?”

He shakes his head. “I’m basically done. I was about to go home.”

“Can I ask why you stay here in your trailer when you have a fabulous mansion to go back to? Not that this is a problem. I’m just curious.” I lean back in the couch, studying his face.

He shrugs. “I feel lonely at home, I guess. Not that I don’t like it, but it’s huge and empty. Here, I can see someone walking around through the window and I feel like there are other humans on earth. Up there it’s me and the freaking loud birds.” He chuckles.

I didn’t expect this answer. I always assumed Harrison is surrounded by hordes of adoring fans and people who want to be near him. I let my judgement be fooled by the party and social network images of him always surrounded by people. Another of my misjudgments about this man.

I nod, not sure what to say at that confession.

“Listen, I want to apologize about yesterday when I turned down your suggestion to go out for dinner. I freaked out because I’m not used to Hollywood high-class places and I feel uncomfortable in those situations.” That’s at least a half-truth. I was thrown off by the almost kiss, but I also hate those places where you have to watch your every move because someone is ready to put a picture of you online if you do something weird. And being seen with Harrison Bates puts me front and center of every gossip website on earth.

He studies me with an interested expression and a small smile curving his lips. I don’t know if he is amused or just curious, but he seems to believe my explanation.

He nods. “Fair enough. I wasn’t suggesting one of those fancy restaurants, but I understand your point.”

“Not one of those fancy restaurants? So, you famous people hang out in normal places like us mere mortals?” I joke but there’s a bit of truth in my words. “I always wondered where celebrities go when they don’t want to be photographed like animals at the zoo.”

He laughs. A full, belly laugh that makes me smile. Sometimes his sunny attitude is as contagious as his dark moments. If there’s one thing I know about Harrison, it’s that he is someone who doesn’t just blend into the scenery. Even his silence is deafening sometimes.

“We have our places where we don’t attract attention.”

“You mean, like, places where all the celebrities hang out together but in secret?” I make fun of him.

“No, that’s called rehab and the food sucks there.”

This time it’s my turn to laugh. “Did you already eat or do you want to show me one of those places?”

I don’t even know where my proposal comes from, but I find myself nervously waiting for his answer. If he turns me down, I’ll probably be disappointed. The realization makes my stomach quiver in a nervous grip.

Harrison seems as surprised by my suggestion as I am. A smile spreads across his face and I’m glad he says yes.

“I’m driving.” He grabs his keys and stands up.

“I have my car here.” I don’t want him to feel forced to give me a ride.

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