Page 39 of The Actor: Harrison

“I see it in my mind,” I blurt out, exasperated.

He frowns, staring intently at me.

“The scene,” I explain. “I have it all in my mind. I know exactly what should happen. And we’re doing exactly how I imagined it, but on screen it just falls flat. I can’t put my finger on what we’re doing wrong.”

“Explain it to me, maybe saying it out loud will help to clear your mind,” he suggests, and I know he has something in mind but he doesn’t want to tell me.

“This is a chaotic sequence in the ER, people coming and going, people fighting for their lives, doctors, nurses, paramedics. It should be chaos, and Justin’s over there looking for someone to help him with a toddler bleeding out in his arms. It should look dramatic, but the truth is that he gets lost.” I don’t even know how to explain what is wrong.

“Gets lost in what?” he asks, sipping his third cup of coffee since he walked onto the set this morning.

I look at the set in front of me, the front desk bustling with nurses, the fake doctors chatting with one another.

“He gets lost in the chaos. He should make a dramatic entrance but he doesn’t stand out in the chaos,” I murmur more to myself than as an answer to Harrison.

A half-idea is forming in my mind but I can’t grasp it until Harrison speaks.

“So, remove the chaos,” he says, and when I turn toward him, I’m sure this is what he was thinking since the beginning but he wanted me to make the call to change it.

I stand up and march on set, almost buzzing with excitement.

“Okay, folks. Listen up. Everybody off this set unless you have a line. I want to try something different for this take. Justin, you walk in from the doorway slowly. Try not to look panicked, but rather numb, confused. Go slow, okay? Madison, you’re the only one in here in the beginning, I want you to look confused when he asks you for help. Don’t look at him, pretend you didn’t see him until he’s a foot from you. When you realize what’s happening, call for help and everyone in the scene rushes in then. I want chaos after you realize this kid is dying. Before that, I want calm, almost peaceful. Okay?” I say when I have everyone’s attention.

Justin, Madison, and everyone else nods at me and I hope they understood what I meant. It’s a completely different approach from what we filmed today and I’m not sure they get the gist of it.

“Do you need to rehearse the scene?” I ask Justin and Madison. She shakes her head and smiles at me.

Justin shakes his head too. “No, I think I got what you want from it.” He appears sure, and I don’t push for going over the scene again.

I sit back in my chair, Ellen taking her place next to me, and I pray that I made the right call. When the scene unfolds before us, I smile from ear to ear. The close-up on Justin’s shocked face is perfect, that bit of blood on his forehead making you pause to figure out what’s happening, especially when you see his face completely void of emotion. When he drops the line, whispering, “I think I need help,” my heart jolts in my chest like it wants to reach him on the screen.

I move my eyes to the other screen with Madison’s face and I can see the confusion in her eyes before taking in a deep breath when realization sets in. When she shouts for help, the chaos explodes around them and it’s absolute perfection. That’s it. This is the scene I wanted, the drama of a father trying to save his son. I look at Ellen and she’s grinning back at me. I turn to Harrison on my other side and see him smiling, watching the scene. He knew this was a better take but he didn’t say anything, he waited for me to figure it out.

He would make a really great director. The realization hits me in the chest, but contrary to how I would have felt at the beginning of this project, I’m not annoyed by it. I’m almost proud, and curious to know how it would be to work with him in a different way than directing him. I think he has great ideas and I’m pretty sure he has a strong opinion about how he wants his movie done.

Harrison has years of experience on set behind him. He’s worked with major director and actors during his career. And he is damn smart. I’m sure he’s learned a lot from every movie. I misjudged him so badly I’m ashamed about what I thought of him.

***

“Why didn’t you suggest removing everyone from the set when you saw that the scene wasn’t working? I would have listened to you. The scene was perfect after that,” I say when we finally walk out of the set and call it a day.

He shrugs and smiles almost shyly. “It wasn’t my call. You have a precise idea about what you want and it’s not my place to say something about your creative vision.”

“Yes, but you could have hinted something. It was clear after the tenth take that something was wrong and you already figured out it. You’re pretty vocal when it’s one of your scenes.” It’s not an accusation but mere curiosity.

“Because those aremyscene and I know how I can perform better. This is the movie that will reshape my career, taking it in a different direction, and I want to be perfect in it. I know my skills, I know where I perform better and where I’m lacking. That’s my call.”

We walk toward the parking lot.

“You didn’t want to make me look like I don’t know what I’m doing. Did you?” I raise my eyebrow.

“Yes, that’s also a reason. But not because I think you need guidance, but because I have my vision and you have yours. In a creative job like this one, there is no right or wrong, just different approaches, different angles.”

I nod and realize we’re already at my car. He stands in front of me, a couple of feet away at a safe distance. He doesn’t do anything that makes me think he wants something from me. A dinner, another kiss, something more. I find myself wondering where we are, what we’re doing with this thing between us.

We’re more than colleagues; I would dare to say friends. But friends don’t kiss and they sure don’t feel the attraction I feel for him. This is the first time in my life I don’t know what to do with a man. There were always two options: fuck them, hate them. No in-between.

With Harrison it’s confusing. We’re almost at the end of the filming, if we dip our toes in a relationship it wouldn’t be a scandal, they wouldn’t say one of us got the job because of who we fucked. But here we are. Yesterday he kissed me and today he keeps a couple of feet between us.

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