Page 43 of The Actor: Harrison

I venture a glance in Harrison’s direction and see a mixture of amusement and something else I can’t pinpoint. I can’t say he is worried, but he looks like he wants to ask me something but he thinks twice about it. Maybe because it’s painfully obvious, at least for him, that I’m avoiding his closeness. Heck, I didn’t even greet him this morning when I arrived later than usual on set.

I turn around and go back to my chair, putting on my headphones to give everyone surrounding me the idea that, if it’s not strictly a life-or-death matter, nobody can disturb me. This is a perk of being the highest in command on a set. Nobody will bother you if you put down clear rules at the beginning of filming.

I take my time sipping my coffee and studying what is happening on set. Harrison resumes rehearsing with Viola, laughing and touching like it’s vital for them to do so, and it’s difficult to remind myself this is a freaking sex scene, they’re supposed to do this. Not the laughing, but they have to make it believable for the public and I should be happy that it is, indeed, believable. They have to be comfortable around each other and that’s exactly what they’re doing.

Jealous. I’m utterly jealous about what Viola will taste in a few minutes. His lips. Something I tasted last night and I can’t shake off my skin, my flesh, my bones. Harrison got so deep inside me, I can’t get rid of him and his taste even if I wanted to.

Fuck.

When Ellen finally comes back to sit next to me after we clear the set and only a few remain, I realize the worst is yet to come. I’ll see what Harrison looks like without his clothes on, I’ll have to endure Viola kissing him, touching his body, she will have his utterly naked body against her, for fuck’s sake.

When Ellen signals the cameras to roll, Harrison starts with his monologue, stripping off layer after layer of clothing. Pieces of fabric lay on the floor like he’s taking off his armor; his interpretation is absolute perfection.

He’s a very good actor, but his skill for creating dramatic scenes is utter madness. He is so good at it, I’ve learned to have all cameras on him at every angle to avoid repeating the scene. Especially in this one where he’s the only one speaking, he commands the scene like a master puppeteer. Viola could mess up big time and the scene would still be good enough to not do another take. He’s raw, honest, emotional, and so damn beautiful it hurts.

When his cock comes out, I struggle to hide a shiver running down my spine. Even naked, he is the emblem of perfection.

He pushes Viola down on the bed and she lands with a soft thud. I wait for him to take off her clothes, piece after piece, before calling the cut, and for every layer of fabric he takes off, a disgusting acid taste rises in my mouth. I watch the scene, transfixed, like looking at a horror movie with the morbid fascination of seeing someone getting brutally murdered on screen.

I’m so disgusted that when I stop the scene, my voice comes out raspy and barely audible in the open space.

“Well, that was hot,” Ellen murmurs while staring at Harrison and Viola, now dressed in fluffy white robes.

Yes, it was. It was perfect because I know how Harrison acts when he pushes you on the bed and he did the exact same thing with Viola. He looked at her like she was the only person on earth and I know exactly how it feels being on the receiving end of that look.

The memories of last night are so vivid I feel the tingling in my lower belly, like I’m still on that bed with his erection pressed against my throbbing clit. I’m so focused on my feelings I don’t even notice Harrison and Viola approaching me.

He clears his throat to grab my attention and when I look up, I see the embarrassment on his face. It’s the first time I’ve seen him look so insecure and I’m a bit taken aback.

“What?” I bark and regret my tone as soon as he flinches.

“I have to put on the cock sock,” he states.

“I know,” I say slowly, not knowing where he’s going with this.

“I need fifteen minutes or so,” he adds, and I’m more lost than before.

I squeeze my eyes trying to figure out what the heck he is talking about. “Why do you need all that time? Do you want me to call someone from the costume department? I don’t know if they’re comfortable fondling your private parts.” I frown and he seems mortified by my statement.

Viola giggles beside him, while Ellen lets out a chuckle.

“No! Please, don’t. I…can’t fit in the sock right now,” he tries to explain and I stay silent, lost to his point.

“He has an erection, Sienna. He needs a moment to cool down,” Ellen explains like I’m a teenager who’s never met a man in her life and I’m utterly mortified.

I snap my eyes on him and he’s smiling. Not the usual grin he wears. It’s almost shy, I would dare to say guilty. Viola, giggling next to him, is the proverbial cold bucket of water on my head. He had an erection filming with her.Of coursehe did. She’s gorgeous and he’s a man who likes women.

The punch in the gut that follows the realization that I’m not so special after all makes me almost bend over. What was I thinking? That I’m the only one making him hot for sex? He’s used to actresses and supermodels. I’m just a willing pussy coming his way.

“Of course, no problem, really. Take your time. I’m taking five minutes in my trailer if you need me,” I say in a hurry, standing up and walking as fast as I can out of this place.

I can’t breathe. I can’t even think as I open the door of my trailer and step in, feeling stupid to be jealous of something like that. There’s nothing between us and there’s nothing preventing him looking to fuck someone else. I let out a half-laugh, half-scoff. We didn’t even sleep together.

I’m so frustrated by my lack of control this morning I don’t hear Harrison coming in. When I turn around, I see him bare-chested and wearing a pair of jeans, flip-flops on his feet. His eyes have an anxiousness I didn’t expect to see.

“What happened between last night and this morning? Because you look like you want to rip somebody’s heart from their chest,” he asks me.

“Nothing. Nothing happened, especially between us. Forget about last night!” I blurt out and I feel my chest constrict with every word that leaves my lips.

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