Page 64 of The Actor: Harrison

Realization. Harrison finally gets what I mean.

He nods. “Like when I first started this job and I had my father’s last name attached to my ass. People thought I got there because of my last name and I worked harder than anyone else to prove I deserved this place. I’d feel like an impostor if I hadn’t done that,” he confesses and I feel almost relieved.

I didn’t think Harrison could have struggled in a similar way. Our backgrounds are so different that I always assumed we couldn’t have the same problems growing up. But once again, he proved me wrong.

“I didn’t know that,” I whisper.

“It’s not something I flaunt.” He smiles shyly. “But I want to say that I want to help you out. I want to find a solution that doesn’t involve me dropping money on your doorstep.”

He looks at me expectantly, like his life depends on my answer. My heart thunders in my chest. I’ve never had someone look at me like that. The happiness bubbling up in my chest makes it hard to speak.

“Listen, Harrison, I don’t want you to feel obligated to do something like this because we sleep together,” I start, but he puts a finger over my lips.

“I love you, Sienna. I’m doing this because I would do anything for you andwithyou.”

His words hang in the air and he looks almost surprised by what he just confessed. And I am too. Not so much at his words but at how they are affecting my heartbeat. It seems like my heart wants to jump out of my chest and leap into his hands. It’s exciting and scary at the same time.

I don’t know what to say. Nothing comes out of my mouth because I’m too overwhelmed by my feelings tripping over each other to make sense of what is happening.

“Are you breathing?” he asks with a worried smile.

I nod.

“Listen, I don’t expect you to say it too. It just came out and I think my brain was just catching up with my heart and you were here in front of me so…” he blurts out, almost apologizing for opening his heart.

“No, Harrison. It’s not like you think. It’s just, I wasn’t expecting to have my heart squeezing in my chest hearing that. It’s not what you said that made me speechless, it’s the reaction I had hearing those words that knocked me out. I felt relieved that you said it because I was terrified I was going to lose you. I just realize that I would be gutted if you walked out of my life right now,” I explain in a breath.

The smile on his face is so broad I don’t think his cheeks can contain it. He grabs my hand and drags me to his chest, holding me tight.

His fingers sink into my hair and he fists it, tilting my head toward him. His eyes bore into mine as he slowly lowers his mouth to caress my lips. His kiss is full of a feeling that makes my legs weak.

We’ve exchanged a lot of kisses, but I’ve never been kissed like our souls are interconnected, like the sun won’t rise tomorrow if we don’t put our hearts in it. His tongue brushes my lower lip, asking me to open for him. It feels so right, I don’t hesitate one second to give up my mouth, my heart, and my soul to him.

Perfection, I can only describe this moment as perfection. I never understood what people feel when they say that they have butterflies in their stomach. I always considered it a juvenile way to romanticize a feeling that’s actually plain and simple. Now I get it. I can feel deep down in my belly those feathery feelings in a physical way, when I lace my legs around Harrison’s waist and he carries me on the couch behind us.

He lays me down on my back and, without missing a beat, kisses me senseless. His lips are so perfect on mine I can’t get enough. I stroke his tongue, matching his slow movements. It’s like he is savoring me for the first time ever. He’s taking his time to enjoy this moment.

We’ve always had an explosive sexual connection. We frantically chased our orgasm trying to get rid of the burning desire that consumed us. This time is different. It’s like we’re blowing on those glowing embers. It’s not consuming like the high flames, but it’s something more dangerous. Something that will last longer than a flame, longer than a raging fire destroying everything in its path. It’s something that lasts longer, burning below the surface, branding us so deep we won’t be able to get rid of the scars.

His lips travel down my neck, my shoulder, my breast. He bites my nipple lightly through the fabric of my bra and I shiver. It feels so good.

Harrison sits on his heels and runs his gaze over my body. I grab the hem of my tank top and pull it over my head. I drop it on the floor next to the couch, followed by my bra. I never move my eyes from his, and when he gets rid of his t-shirt, it’s like he is baring my soul to me. There’s a vulnerability in his gesture I haven’t seen before.

When we finally drop every layer of fabric and stand naked in front of each other, a deep breath leaves my lungs. I’ve never felt so connected with a person like I am right now with Harrison. I can feel his feelings for me in every goosebump on his skin, every quiver of his muscles, every heartbeat that thunders against his chest. I can feelhim.

He puts on a condom and lowers himself between my legs. He sinks slowly between my thighs and the feeling is so overwhelming I almost cry. I’m used to his girth, his length, his hot flesh, but I’ve never felt so desperately full like this. It’s not physical. It’s the meaning this act carries that make my legs tremble.

He thrusts in long, slow strokes, building our pleasure without a rush. He takes his time, lingering slowly when his length is fully buried in my core. I feel him deep inside me and enjoy the connection that ties us in a knot of feelings.

He pumps me slow, deep, with a purpose. He is branding me with his love, his care, his desperate need. I always thought that making love was something that only hopeless romantics experience, but now I get it. This is different. This is something that transcends physical attraction. When the orgasm hits both of us at the same time, it’s not like a storm wrecking your body, but a river slowly and steadily pushing through it, changing it with the relentless power of water.

I will never be the same.

I will never experience the excitement of wild sex in the same way, knowing that I can get this powerful feeling that shakes my body to the bones. The pleasure is so intense that when I come down from my high, I’m dizzy.

Harrison collapses on top of me, trying to catch his breath. He turns his head just enough to look me in the eyes and find the confirmation that we are screwed. If this is making love, I don’t think we’re going back to explosive sex anytime soon.

I kiss his lips while he slips on the couch besides me. We stare into each other’s eyes, trying to figure out what to say or do. There are no words to describe this moment, and while happiness and love and hope fill my chest, there’s a small part of me that is terrified. A tiny voice in my head is whispering its fears:If all of this ends, you won’t survive thistime.

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