Page 70 of The Actor: Harrison

We would never have David on board if it wasn’t for Harrison. I have to admit, he’s the one who makes a difference not only because he’s great at his job, but because he has the resources to bring an indie movie to a whole other level.

“Cut!” I call and everyone holds their breath to see what my verdict is.

“What do you think?” Ellen’s expectant voice makes me turn to her.

She has a smile on her face I can only compare to mine. She knows this scene is gold.

“It’s the best scene I’ve ever shot,” I admit and she lets out a breath.

“I agree. He was spectacular on this one. I don’t know what happened since the wrap, but I think that weekend in Aruba was regenerating for him.” She winks, grinning at me.

My heart squeezes in my chest. If she only knew. So much has happened since we started filming this project that it seems like we took years to do it. I hated Harrison, then I liked him, then I loved him, broke up with him, and now we’re in a limbo where we’re civil with each other but our relationship status is far from being clear.

I still love him, I miss him, but I can’t get over the fact that I don’t trust him, not completely. He lied formonthsand when he had the chance to come clean, he decided to lie a bit more. I can’t get over this so easily.

“We are done here, folks. That’s a wrap. Again!” I shout and everybody cheers.

I watch Harrison smile at Viola. He briefly glances in my direction, but I pretend to be busy fixing things in my backpack so as not to give him an opening to come and talk to me. I’m not sure I can keep cool while we’re with other people and I need to keep a professional conduct on set. It’s not that I think Harrison will make a scene, it’s that I don’t trust myself when I’m with him.

“So, are we going out to celebrate?” Ellen asks and I want to dig a hole and disappear.

I knew this moment was coming, but I hoped they would just go home and forget about me. Not going to happen, but a girl can dream, right? I need to be more social, I can’t keep hiding my awkwardness to avoid human contact. Especially in this industry where connections are everything.

“Listen, folks! We’re going out to celebrate, if you know a place that takes parties of thirty plus people, you’re welcome to suggest it!” I holler.

People look at me a bit surprised but happy about my idea. They are silent for a few long moments, but then someone starts to drop names of places and, an hour later, we’re on Sunset Boulevard in a place with a mechanical bull in the middle of the space. It’s loud, packed with people, but perfect for the crew that joined us for a beer and buffalo wings.

Harrison is at the table, a few seats down from me. This place is so noisy we can’t talk and that’s good for me. I don’t want to make small talk with him just to appear civil in public. We never did small talk. We fought, we fucked, we had deep meaningful conversation but small talk never happened.

“So, what’s the deal with you two?” Ellen asks.

I was expecting this question at some point. I didn’t confide in her about what I had with Harrison, but she’s smart and it doesn’t take a genius to understand that we had at least a fling.

“No deal.” I shake my head. And it’s true. There’s nothing between us right now if not awkwardness.

“You went from ripping out your throats, to ripping off your clothes, to nothing?” She seems genuinely puzzled.

I shrug. How can I explain it all?

“I don’t know. It just didn’t work out.”

She shakes her head and raises her eyebrow. “You’re not fooling me. It’s impossible that what you had just cooled down. It’s like Hell freezing overnight. There were people betting on you getting married by the end of the year.”

I roll my eyes. “Not going to happen.”

“Well, maybe not, but the tension between you two is palpable. And I’m not just talking about physical stuff. I never saw two minds challenging each other so much like yours do. It’s like when you’re together you’re in a creativity bubble that pulls off Oscar-worthy movies. What you two have is rare and I don’t believe it just died down.”

Ellen’s words strike a nerve. I always thought this connection was in my head but she saw it too. It’s real. It’s like we were born to complete each other in an intellectual way. We make great things together, but that doesn’t mean we’re perfect for each other on a sentimental level.

“He lied to me,” I blurt out.

She glances at Harrison laughing with a camera operator and then frowns in my direction.

“It was good-intentioned…sort of, but still, he lied to me,” I explain when she seems unconvinced.

I can’t blame her. When you get to know Harrison, it’s difficult to think of him as a liar. He’s so blatantly honest sometimes it’s too much to handle. Nobody believes he’s capable of tricking you.

“Is it something so massive that you can’t forgive him? Did he apologize?”

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